To think about moving again

[pussinboots61]

I have recently posted here about worries over my rent and you all were so helpful and eased my mind so I thought I'd post about another worry which I don't seem to be able to get out of my head,.

As you know from my previous post I live in a Council flat. I have been a Council tenant for years. Where I now live, I did live on this estate years ago and my Mum got a flat opposite to where I was living. She was only there for a year and got dementia. She went to live in a care home just up the road. She died in 2007. I had always loved my flat, felt secure there and on the estate but in grief I was determined to move because I couldn't face seeing Mum's old flat and passing the care home every time I went for the bus. My family and friends urged me not to move and said I would feel differently in time but I wouldn't listen.

I moved into a flat which I accepted the first time of viewing it. It turned out not to be suitable at all and I longed to go back to my old flat but there was nothing available on this estate. I tried for a mutual exchange but offers I had were not for where I wanted to be. I was having trouble where I was living so I put in a bid to move and got another flat after two years - not ideal but it was OK and I lived there for ten years and was quite settled. I didn't even look for a flat back where I am now as they were few and far between, I gave up on it really. The flat where I was living was the best of areas but I did settle.

Then one day six years ago I was looking at the bidding website for the first time in years, only noseying really as my nephew was looking for a flat. The first one I saw was one where I am now. I felt I had to put a bid in. By a miracle I managed to find my login number for the webiste and put in a bid. I didn't hold out any hope of hearing anything, there was one bid before mine and I felt sure that person would take it. But I did receive a call the week after to offer me the flat. I was over the moon. Where I lived before was near the the bottom of the road, it is an incline, not massively steep but still a hill and there just was flight of stairs (about eight) to the flat. This one is at the top of the road and two flights of stairs. I did wonder about the steps and and hill as I get older. I was 59 then. But I knew I would regret it very much if I didn't take it. My sister in law viewed the flat with me and she said she liked it better than the one I had down the road and she urged me not to worry about the hill and steps. I accepted it and I love it.

However, for the past six years all I have done is worry about what if I can't manage the steps and hill as I get older and I can't get another flat and I am stuck in here. I am 63 now and fit, I am hardly an old doddery woman. My next door neighbour is 81 with COPD and manages the steps, though she does get a taxi home when she's been out. The couple at the other side of me are 55/60 and the other lady on this landing is 70 plus and they all manage.

I keep thinking about moving just to settle my mind but I know I would regret it. The flat I left to come here was on the ground floor but I did get burgled twice when I first moved in and I couldn't have my bedroom window open at night in the summer for fear of someone coming up to the window from outside.

How do I get over this worry? Would I be daft to think about moving again. It seems fate how I got this flat.

Sorry for the long post.

Just do it

Just do what?

It’s not hard to work out.

Don't do it, OP, you'll only regret it. If, as you say, there are much older people than yourself living where you do, and still managing the steps, then that shows that it's possible as long as you remain fit and healthy. If your health should deteriorate however, you could then contact the Council, and ask them if you can be re-housed because you can no longer manage the steps. I feel sure they would have to accommodate this, as living in a council property that you can't escape from in a fire, would leave them open to all sorts of law suits. So stop worrying about what MIGHT happen, and focus on living your life as it is now, after all, you could drop dead tomorrow, so the situation might never arise! 😁 Sorry for being a bit facetious there, but just trying to show you that it really isn't worth worrying about until you actually find yourself in that position. Enjoy life while you can!

You’re happy where you are, just enjoy it!

I understand what you are saying and I do need to live in the here and now, I find it very hard to do though.

The Council would have rehouse me if I needed to but they could put me anywhere and that's what worries me also. I know that this is the ruling of the Council now. If you are put on the priority list, they give you one offer and if you turn it down you get moved from the priority list. The flat you are offered could be a dive and you are expected to take it. Seems like there is no choice anymore.

I don't appreciate sarcasm.

In view of your response to my earlier message, would it be possible to get someone on the ground floor of your building to do a swap? Sorry, I'm not sure how Council housing lists work these days, but might this be a possibility?

Don't move if you're happy where you are now. You might still have another 18 years of managing yet, like the 81 year old lady. I think it's better to find a way of dealing with the constant thoughts about what MIGHT happen, because right now you're healthy and you may well over a decade left before you start finding things difficult.

Move

That could be a possibility but someone would have to be willing to exchange.

In that case, it might be a good idea for you to go and put notes through the doors of those on the ground floor, telling them that if they ever consider moving or doing a swap, you'd be grateful if they'd let you know before they do anything else, as you're keen to get a downstairs flat in the building, in readiness for when you get older and can no longer manage the stairs. Or just say you're keen to get a ground floor flat in the building, and would anyone be interested in a swap.

How wide are the steps & wld they accomodate a stairlift with foldaway seat so others can still use if you ever became unable to use them? Not sure if the council wld pay to install or if this is even a realistic option!

I remember your other thread, the flats are not the issue it’s your anxiety, you cannot control every eventuality in life, moving from flat to flat gets rid of one issue but then you are faced with another and you will be back here worrying about something else, you need to get some strategies in place to help with anxiety not looking to move every time a ‘what if’ issue enters your head.

I doubt the Council would pay for this or allow anyone to install one themselves though it would be a good idea.

This is true. I have done a course in CBT but find it difficult to put into practice. I need to try and control my anxiety. If I'd have stayed in the old flat and not taken this one then I'd have worried about that.

I didn’t mean to sound harsh by the way, apologies if I did, I know anxiety can really take a grip especially if you live on your own and don’t have anyone to talk your fears through with, best wishes OP, I hope you feel settled soon 💐

Its OK, I don't find your post harsh at all, its good advice. I know I need to try and control my anxiety. Its one worry after another and its exhausting.