I’m interested to hear opinions on this because it’s something I’ve never had to think about.
A very good friend of mine, I’ll call her Sarah, has come into a LOT of money. This was not something she was expecting. Prior to her windfall, she had been comfortable (in a normal way). She always worked hard, and I suspect she will continue to do so despite her newly found wealth. She probably doesn’t need to work anymore.
Anyway, Sarah has a friend who I never really took to. I’ll call her Emma. She’s okay, just a bit opinionated in an “I speak my mind” kind of way. I don’t avoid her. If there are situations in which we meet (eg Sarah’s birthdays or other social events), I’m always polite and friendly to her, mostly for Sarah’s sake. She’s not unbearable.
A few of us went for a meal last week It was a hefty bill because we’d all had plenty to eat and drink. Sarah said she’d pay because the meal was her idea and she’d chosen the venue. I was more than happy with this because I know she meant well, and I just thought it was a kind thing for her to do. It wouldn’t make a dent in her finances but would have knocked the rest of us a bit for the month.
Emma seemed to take offence at this. She said (in a not very pleasant way) “I’m not poor, you know. I can afford to pay for my own meal and I’m sure everyone else feels the same”. Sarah explained again why she’d offered to pay. Emma got a bit grouchy and muttered that she didn’t know who Sarah was anymore because she’d changed so much. Sarah hasn’t changed at all, she still lives relatively modestly (although she's bought a nicer house), she’s never bragged or been flash with her cash. She’s the same kind and lovely person she always was.
I think Sarah was a bit upset about it, but she shrugged it off and said that Emma was just a bit drunk and didn’t mean to upset her. I’m not so sure. I think she’s jealous and was trying to embarrass Sarah.
It’s made me think that Sarah can’t really win. If she offers to pay, people can clearly take offence. If she doesn’t, people might think she’s being tight with her money.
Sarah has helped me out a little bit financially which I am very grateful for, and she knows it. I was her friend for years before she came into money so she knows I would never ask her for anything or expect it.
Should people with money offer to help their friends out and pay for things every now and again, or should they be careful not to be seen as ‘showing off’? I know it’s a very ‘first world problem’ but it got me thinking.