I feel like I’m playing life on hard mode

[MidoriNoRingo]

Just that really. I’m feeling quite depressed.

I never see my husband as we both work shifts around each other for childcare. The house is a constant mess. My toddler is just awful. My older one is annoying and pre teen. Struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel and regretting my life choices massively atm. I don’t even know where to start. 3.5 year old won’t sleep in his own bed, won’t potty train and just tantrums all the time.

Life IS hard right now. Just to say a massive hug to you. Lack of sleep, and an upside down house are very much my issues which rain down on my MH. If you can afford just once or not regularly a cleaner helps lighten the load, literally loads. Do you have anyone who can babysit - pals/ family - one night or day a week so you can go off and just sit down or lie down and sleep. Just to stop the constant noise/ demands and give you a break. Also any pals or family that can pop over and help tidy the house now and then with you. If not, come on here and we can give you a virtual cuddle. Take care X ❤️

I’m so sorry; this is really hard 🌷

Have you told anyone in rl that you are struggling MidoriNoRingo?

Can you wave a white flag to family and friends?

Everyone needs help sometimes.

Could you ask for someone to take the dc off you for half a day so you could visit the gp for a start?

Your depression sounds situational though.

Is there any way that you and your dh could alter your shifts?

One technique which helped me when I was feeling similar was trying to compartmentalise my life.

So, for example, I wrote a list of daily priorities and just concentrated on those.

It went something like:
~give each child individual attention 40 mins a day (2 x 20 mins)
~work
~get outside for a walk
~serve and eat 2 veg daily and one fruit
~drink 4 glasses of water
~one load washing
~20 mins tidying & cleaning
~confine worries to one half hour a day during commute

Then I knew that if everything else had gone to pot it didn’t matter.

If the list is too ambitious cut each item in half

And if that is again too ambitious cut out half of the items

Etc

I haven’t explained it very well but that’s the general idea.

Also: I found the Therapy In a Nutshell website very helpful - there are some free depression resources on there.

The toddler phase can be very stressful but hang on to the fact that things will improve as time goes on. This too shall pass!

Thankyou. I don’t regret my toddler, but I am struggling going back to the baby stage again after my older one is that bit older. I also work in a children’s home so I spend all day with children and feel like I don’t have a lot left to give when I get home.

Goodness, I can totally appreciate how you feel you can never catch a break working with dc all day too. That’s extremely tough.

Do you have any family or friends who could offer to take the dc off your hands for a weekend morning or afternoon?

I think if I could go back in time, I would try to remind myself that I really don’t remember the days the house was perfectly tidy, or how early or late I potty trained the Dc.

I DO remember cuddles with stories, watching movies, building block towers. Focus on the nicer stuff; the rest is pressure that doesn’t matter and it brings your mood down feeling you “have” to crack it. You don’t.

If they are fed, clean and cuddled you are doing fine. No child ever started work in nappies ( barring a disability). And few children grow up to say “you know what I remember most from my childhood? It was the immaculately tidy house.” ( And actually that would be a bit sad anyway…) . Just give yourself some understanding.

Life can be hard and it can stay hard for a long time. It might never get easier. So you have to get hardier or you'll get effed up. Swim or sink

Actually I think it does get physically easier during years 6 to 12.

Then it gets emotionally harder again in the teen years.

But overall, during their childhood, they are becoming more independent every day which is why people say;

The days are long but the years are short!

How are you doing today op?