Friends stopped inviting me to things since pregnant

[moonmaker93]

Although I’m not the very first in my group of friends to have children, I’m ‘one of’ the first.

We had a number of group chats and used to do lots of social things together; go for walks, drinks, get food, chill out etc etc.

Anyway, ever since I announced I’m pregnant at the start of this year, it’s been a bit strange.

Everyone was really sweet and congratulatory at first and then slowly but surely they stopped inviting me to things and started leaving the group chats I’m in one by one…

I definitely haven’t had a crossed word with anyone, nor have I ever suggested I couldn’t attend things anymore.

Granted, I’m not usually the initiator/planner; I’m more so the one who just shows up/joins in. So I guess it could be said that maybe I could reach out more… but my main concern is the sudden change in their behaviour. Since they’ve all started leaving the group chats we’ve been in together it feels as though I’ve lost a line of contact for knowing when things are happening. I’ve not had the easiest pregnancy and have felt a little alone as a result of this (apart my fantastic husband and other friends that do have children).

I’ve seen them posting things on social media being out together, and it’s made me feel sad. Just because I’m pregnant, it doesn’t mean I can’t socialise and have fun?

AIBU to feel sad about this? As though I’m being cut out simply because I’m pregnant?

Have you been public about how not easy the pregnancy has been so far?
Have you complained to them/about it in group chats?
Have you had to say no to a lot of social activities early on because its been hard on you?

Were other friends excluded when they were pregnant?

How much of your social life with this group involves alcohol?

@Iknowaboutpopular”public” as in mentioned it to them? No, not really to be honest as I don’t like the idea of burdening anyone with my issues. The group chats are usually just where we joke about things, celebrate each others’ achievements and organise meet-ups. They’ve always been a pretty positive space, so I guess I wouldn’t like to bring that to there. And quite honestly, on the social occasion front, this is my gripe - it was an almost immediate cease in invites/conversations around meeting up in the GC after I announced I was pregnant. They congratulated me and then one by one started to drop off. It would appear that they have another GC that I’m not in as they’ve been going out together, but I’ve not seen anything.

@BleachedJumperhalf of one, half a dozen of the other really. We would drink together, but equally we would go on coffee walks, for food without drinks, etc etc too.

Could be just the alcohol factor.

Why not suggest a lunchtime meet up? Maybe a brunch that serves virgin cocktails? See how the uptake is on that first before panicking you've been abandoned completely.

@BlondeMummyto1the other friend who has had a baby was sort of one foot in one foot out anyway really. I guess not as involved as I have been, so it’s hard to make the direct comparison. Though, I speak to them more regularly than the others do and they did say they felt a bit left out when they were pregnant. FWIW I always invited them, but yeah the others were a bit hit and miss.

Cross posts but I still think it might be worth a shot suggesting a lunch.

Did your other friend get the same treatment when she became pregnant? Where is she now?

@TagyoureitThanks! Yeah, I think I feel a little awkward now, though, having to make another group chat with them all in in order to do so (it would be a logistical nightmare trying to do it one by one 😂). I’m quite anti-confrontation and would worry it would come off a bit pass-agg. I’m probably being silly, but I do feel a bit awkward I suppose, acknowledging the fact half of them have left the chats with me in.

I guess public was a clumsy word to use, I think i meant open, as in shared it on the group chat or on social media.
You haven't, so that kind of rules out the chance of them being fed up of hearing about it or sort of deciding you might be feeling too ill or tired to join in without talking about it with you.

I saw the other friend felt a bit left out too. Maybe they just assume (wrongly) that being pregnant means you'll be boring and not up for any fun?
Not fair, obviously.

Is there one friend in these groups who you're closer to and could ask what's going on?

@IknowaboutpopularYeah, I’m quite quiet on social media and certainly wouldn’t post anything intimately personal; more of a ‘holiday snaps once a year’-type person. 😂 I confess that perhaps there’s an element, if anything, of me needing to speak up more than I do, as I appreciate they’re not mind readers. But I worry it will cause unnecessary drama. I guess I just wanted to understand whether I’m overreacting by feeling sad about this so far, before planning my next steps.

@Iknowaboutpopularyeah, that’s a good idea, thanks. Think that could be a good starting point.

Exactly the same happened to me, tbh it unfortunately seems quite common. People equate pregnancy with boring unfortunately. I would just send a msg and ask of theres a new chat and had they missed inviting you or something like that, can ask a question and be non confrontational?

But otherwise I'd suggest moving on and showing them the same grace they show you. You will make lots of new friends because honestly once baby comes (unless you all make up and they put in a hell of a lot more effort) you will move on and probably have little in common with them.

@Bababear987Thanks and really sorry to hear something similar happened to you too! We have an NCT class in a couple of weeks, so hoping I’ll make some new Mum friends there too. 🤞🏻

I hear you. I can be people pleasing to some degree too, not wanting to start a drama.
For what its worth, I don't think you're overreacting. You feel how you feel, its understandable, your friends on the surface seem to be acting a bit shit.
Real friends wouldn't do that.

People do weird things! When I was pregnant people kept buying me baking kits. I hate baking! I think they pigeonhole you into a category of their perception of what pregnant does.

Maybe someone in the group is jealous of you.