… to hold onto such resentment? How to let it go…

[McGingery]

I’ve been working on myself recently and one of the things I have realised I’m holding onto a lot of resentment. Most of the current issues I’m working on are recent and with my DH but I’ve realised I’m still angry about things that happened when I was a girl.

Literally, how do you do it? I’ve watched a few YouTube videos but they are generally about the damage that resentment can cause to a person and a relationship.

Do you write things down on a piece of paper and then burn them? Do you do mindfulness and imagine letting go? Do you tell yourself in your head to forgive and forget and move forward? Does it happen overnight or is it a much longer process?

It’s quite difficult when I have such fodder from my husband to feel resentment for!

Counselling. The act of talking the various scenarios through, feeling validated (or challenged) on your thoughts/feelings on those scenarios and resolving them really helps to draw a line.

Yes therapy. Don’t rush yourself to get over things that have only just resurfaced.

Another vote for counselling/therapy, it can really help.

Imagine yourself going back to the scenarios that caused you so much angst as a young girl. Imagine the young you is a separate entity and she is by your side in each of these scenarios in which the adult you is going to defend her and take a stand against the perpetrators. Imagine that you have free reign to challenge the behaviour and words of the perpetrators. When you've finished giving them a piece of your mind, Imagine walking away proudly holding the hand of the young you. As children we have no agency, we're at the mercy of adults. And whilst this technique involves the imagination, I found it to be empowering in dealing with resentment.

This is beautiful, thank you. I often think in reverse too and I would be mortified if anyone held onto something I did or said 30/40 years ago.