Calling kids ‘lunatic’, insulting or not?

[ConvallariaMuguet]

I don’t know who is BU here so I thought I’d ask.

I occasionally say to my kids, in a jokey way, that they are behaving like a ‘lunatic’. This is meant as a mild and unserious way of saying they are being silly. Or e.g. I might say ‘come on out now, you loony’ to one of them who is covering their hair/the bathroom floor in bubbles.

My husband feels this is rude and insulting to the children. To me it’s just a word for a silly person (though yes, I am aware of the historical use) and not meant in any literal way.

I do feel that he, and the rest of his family, take themselves massively seriously and that’s not all that helpful at times. On the other hand, I was brought up to communicate in a much less formal (frivolous) way, and it could well be me who’s in the wrong?

its fine OP but you will 100% offend a lot of people 😂

I think its all in the tone. I wouldn't do it to little kids as I am a terrible crunchy parent with sensitive kids who don't like being labelled. But I am also pretty bad at teasing and being teased - I don't quite get it. I think there is some real value in being able to do it and not have it affect your feelings of self worth so if you can pull it off I say go for it.

I do now, with great galumphing teens who have a great sense of self call them a loon when they are clearly larking about. They are very funny.

I can understand it, as long as it's your kids and it's not done with malice, I don't think it's the worst thing in the world

I think if you have neurodivergant kids or kids with mh issues, then I'd stop. Or if I had someone with mh issues in my family/friend group

My dd is autistic and I caught myself in an exasperated moment like 'come on, what's wrong with you'. I stopped myself as there's nothing wrong with her 🥺

Anyway 😭 yanbu x

I don’t, but I really don’t care when people do 😂 As long as the tone is okay - smiling/joking - ‘oh you look like a total lunatic!’ is fine…

This would never have crossed my mind to be an issue… how utterly daft of your husband - I say call a spoon a spoon!

I wouldn’t say it to someone who is ND or has MH issues but it’s fine as a light joke.

He sounds like a snooze.

Well, I’m glad I asked! Was expecting to be told I was completely appalling. 😀

It’s a derogatory term for someone with a mental illness, that’s not the kind of language I would model to my children.

The problem is that every word in the language that one might use to convey the idea of "I think that your current behaviour could be construed as somewhat suboptimal in the rationality department" either has been, or could potentially be, used as a mental illness slur. After all, using such words towards or about someone literally means that we are likening their behaviour to someone with either psychosis or mental disability.

I genuinely don't think that there is any way around that. We just have to decide to what extent our choice of words is actually likely to offend someone who does have MH issues. I don't want to be one of the "You can't say anything these days, my friend said he was English and was shot dead by the police" people, but we all have to let off a bit of steam from time to time. And sometimes when these discussions come up, people with actual psychosis say "It really doesn't offend me, lighten up a bit".

I tend to refer to Donald Trump as a fucking moron, but I would probably try not to do so when within earshot of someone who I know to be (or to care for) someone with substantial intellectual disabilities. But of course on the Internet there are always going to be people in that category. So again, there's probably no good solution and it's up to our individual moral compasses.

as a parent of older kids, other kids will say way worse things than nearly any parent ever would - it’s lighthearted and people overthink these things all the time these days. I don’t think you’re actually saying to them ‘you’re behaving like someone in a 19th c Victorian lunatic asylum’ as we all know they spent all of their time chucking bubbles about!

Yes ‘you’re behaving in an unexpected way’ say that…😂

Other children say these things because their parents demonstrate similar behaviours.

so kids never pick up meanness from other kids in nursery, siblings etc - it’s all observed behaviour from parents? Ok…

Of course children pick up language from their peers however the point is that at.some point those peers have picked it up from parents. We need to model language we are happy with our DC using.

That’s not what I said, or what I meant.

We may have to disagree - most people do differentiate an intended insult from words that aren’t the sort of thing said by psychologists teaching best practice in social communication.

I prefer moron

I think the sentiment is fine but you could probably pick a better word...
Mine are little but I tend to call them a "silly 'nana" or "cheeky monkey" etc

That's quite a common word to use where I grew up (south coast UK).

I think it's absolutely fine because it's said in an endearing way. We call our children skitunge (shit child) in Sweden and it's not meant in a bad way, more like "you little rascal" or something.

I think it's fine but if you're worried about it, switch to calling them a numpty instead.

As far as I know, that a safe term to use.

🙄

I call mine lunatics all the time.

In my defence, they are quite mad. I found them in the black bin yesterday

Great word. Much better than little fuckers anyway.