Should I get a longish bob??

[chopchop96]

[For context - I have really low self esteem and I’ve always hated my hair. It’s thin and lifeless and it doesn’t grow. I’m quite impulsive and pay a lot to keep getting my hair recoloured and cut because I think it looks bad… and yet I’m still never happy with it.
My boyfriend and I spoke about budgeting last month and I did mention I need to stop colouring my hair when I’m never happy with it anyway]

This is my hair at the moment. This is me having tried to grow it. I’ve kind of accepted I’ll never have long hair.
Atm it’s an awkward length and when I went out on Saturday I felt really upset. I had my hair in a half up style and the bottom of my hair just separated and got really knotty and I hated it.

I tie my hair up for work everyday because it looks bad down.

So I booked an appointment to just get a big chop and give up with growing it.

My boyfriend and I had an argument about it this morning.
He said it felt like a kick in the teeth after what we spoke about last week, and that he knows I just won’t be happy with it anyway.
He said he loves my hair how it is, and that it’s only me who think it looks shit and lifeless, and no one else does.
He also said it won’t grow if I keep getting it cut (lol) and how cutting the ends won’t help because it grows from the top.

I also know for a fact he prefers long hair, he’s said this before.

So now I just feel like cancelling my appointment and that maybe I am being impulsive.
Is my hair as bad as I think?…

First of all fuck what the bf says.

It's about how YOU feel. And what YOU want.

I'd definitely go for a touching the shoulders length bob. Slightly graduated so the front sit just at collar bone. Looking at your bone structure (from what I can see) it will suit you perfectly. Nice blunt cut with a bit of texture if you want to add a wave at any point.

And to be blunt, usually when someone is this unhappy with repeated hair appointments it usually come down to either one of 2 issues.

1. You have the wrong stylist for you.

1. Your unhappiness is stemming from somewhere beyond your physical appearance and you're stuck in a life rut. You keep changing your hair to try to reflect the fact that other changes are actually needed in other areas of your life. Changing hair, make up etc gives instant results which is why women (people) make dramatic changes after big life events or when experiencing difficulty. It's because you have direct and immediate control over these areas.

My advice, get the hair cut and have a good long think where this unhappiness is coming from

Just feel like my hair just ‘hangs’ and doesn’t do anything. And if I wave it, it just all separates at the bottom :(

It looks totally fine. It would also look nice a bit shorter. Lots of hair doesn't hold a curl. My hair also "just hangs there" but I guess I'm not expecting anything else from it.

Your bf has a point if you really can't afford it though, but other than that, him "loving long hair" is irrelevant.

Have it cut if you'd like.

Said with kindness, OP, if you go from what you have to a collarbone length bob that's hardly a big change. Your hair is nice, it's not very thin (I was expecting something much flimsier) and straight hair does just hang, that's gravity. FWIW I think it would look lovely cut to the collarbone, more of a statement than what you currently have, but it's not going to be life changing.

My very wise hairdresser once said to me that the enemy of a good haircut is boredom.

I think the problem is.. the ends get very kinky, knotty, separated and tacky. Wearing it down gets annoying after an hour because of this and it just looks bad

You have lovely hair but I do I think a good few inches off to make it sharper would look great.

If also get rid of the boyfriend.

It’s certainly not thin or fine! I would get a decent cut, it will look so much healthier. Just above the shoulders, if you’re spending money you might as well get something that makes an impact. It will always grow if you don’t like it.

I think a long bob would suit you but you definitely don’t have thin hair… at all!

It actually looks quite thick!!

I think this would suit you.

However if you do feel it’s too fine then don’t have layers. One length hangs far better at the back (maybe with a few shorter bits to frame the face)

Get a good cut and get into a better routine for your hair. I have fine hair and combined information from a few YouTube sites to make a routine that worked for me. (I used different products, but found hair care info like styling, etc especially helpful from Abby Yung and the Blowout Professor. My hair had thickened up and grown a lot!)

Is the colour in your pics the natural colour? I like it - it kind of reminds me of a caramel. I can't see your face, but based not the second pic it looks like the colour works well with your skin tone. Also, the slight darker streaking in places makes it look natural.

You do need to get the ends trimmed regularly, because hair is dead and the ends take the greatest beating. Regularly cutting off the damaged ends - it could just be a couple of centimeters - stops the breakage from moving up the hair shaft.

Is it possible there's something unusual going on with the water where you are? Hard water can wreak all kinds of havoc on hair, including knots and tangles that seem impossible to get out - so worth investigating if that might be the case. Very soft water can also be a problem, mainly because it makes it difficult to rinse any product like shampoo or conditioner out of your hair - if that's the case, a "clarifying" shampoo may help.

Your hair looks lovely to me! But I also think getting it cut so it hangs halfway between your jaw and shoulders would also look really nice too.

Thank you everyone - definitely a few things to consider here

I colour my own hair - I started going grey at 19! £6 and it looks fine.
Do you want to be able to tie your hair back for work? I do think a blunt bob would make your hair look better but it’s keeping it off your face - how do you feel about wearing a hair band (I’m thinking a fabric band that goes all around your head, not an Alice band). Or clips?

Could you post a pic of what you’d ideally want it to be like, OP? It doesn’t look thin but I’m wondering if you are expecting it to be thick bouncy waves all down your back… everyone I know with hair like that has expensive extensions, it’s not their real hair.

I second what @queenofthesuburbs said re layers - unless you’re getting those thick extensions, the longer layers are prone to looking thin and tatty at the bottom. Blunt cut with a few layers around the face at the most.

Please post an ‘after’ pic, would love to see what you get done!

I agree! But this cut needs trimming a lot.

Yes yes yes. I had exactly the same hair as you and a longish bob with some layers has made it look and feel thicker, and I can leave it 4 months without a cut now. I wanted lovely long hair but it just ended up looking lank and flat even with regular trimming. Shorter is definitely better.