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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Relatives sense of entitlement about housing issues

18 replies

PinkBears · 02/04/2025 16:44

I have a relative who is a single mother to two daughters, ages 13 and 8. She works 18 hours a week and receives additional benefits. They live in a 2 bed flat, but the oldest daughter has been living with her grandparents for several years. The girls father lives close by, and gives her money cash in hand.

The eldest daughter has never actually lived in the flat, yet remains on the tenancy agreement. My family member is really eager to find a 3 bed house, especially one with a garden for her daughter and a spot for parking. She’s had a few chats with the council, but they’ve made it clear that she doesn’t qualify for housing assistance and already has a suitable place to live. They mentioned she can reapply once her oldest child turns 16, but for now, both girls can share a room. It’s a bit irrelevant since the oldest child doesn’t actually live there, but the council aren’t aware of that.

I suggested she looks at private rentals if she wants to move before her daughter turns 16, but she’s hesitant because she doesn’t want to spend more on rent since her housing benefit currently cover all of it. That’s okay, but every time I meet her, she just complains. She talks about how unfair it is and how she deserves a bigger house. She questions why so many people with fewer kids get new build houses. She’s also brought up several times that I’m fortunate to live in a nice area. I work full time and don’t get any help. I wouldn’t say it’s luck, it’s really just the result of hard work. It’s exhausting listening to her.

Just to clarify it’s not that she can’t afford it. With her salary and benefits, she makes what amounts to a full time wage. I completely support anyone striving to improve their lives, but is it unreasonable for me to suggest that if she desires to move into a bigger house in a more desirable area, she should either cover the rent or at least contribute to the costs? That’s what most people typically have to do.

OP posts:
LibrariansGiveUsPower · 02/04/2025 16:50

She has a choice - suck it up and pay private rates or stick with where she’s at. Keep repeating that any time she mentions it.

PinkBears · 02/04/2025 16:58

LibrariansGiveUsPower · 02/04/2025 16:50

She has a choice - suck it up and pay private rates or stick with where she’s at. Keep repeating that any time she mentions it.

I appreciate your suggestion, I’ll give it a shot.

I’ve previously pointed out to her that some of us, myself included, have to manage our rent or mortgage without any help from the government and that perhaps she should reflect on how fortunate she is, but it fell on deaf ears.

OP posts:
Namenamchange · 02/04/2025 17:03

You don’t have to listen, or meet up with her. People moan, she’s just moaning too, and in turn you are moaning about her.

PinkBears · 02/04/2025 17:08

@Namenamchange I understand she’s just having a moan, but it does come across quite entitled imo. I think that’s why I’m fed up of hearing about it.

OP posts:
HoskinsChoice · 02/04/2025 17:56

When you say her ex is paying cash in hand, does that mean she's not declaring it and is already taking more in benefits than she should be?

Quitelikeit · 02/04/2025 17:59

Are you a relative? And a rich one? She possibly is hinting for you to help her out financially

weefella · 02/04/2025 18:01

"The eldest daughter has never actually lived in the flat, yet remains on the tenancy agreement".

A 13yr-old child wouldn't be on a tenancy agreement.

Simonjt · 02/04/2025 18:02

HoskinsChoice · 02/04/2025 17:56

When you say her ex is paying cash in hand, does that mean she's not declaring it and is already taking more in benefits than she should be?

I think OP may be implying that the father is doing the relative a favour by financially providing for his children.

Simonjt · 02/04/2025 18:04

I’ve never ever known a child to be named on a tenancy agreement, seeing as only adults can sign one. Unless someone can afford to buy its really unwise to give up an LA tenancy.

Divastrout · 02/04/2025 18:12

weefella · 02/04/2025 18:01

"The eldest daughter has never actually lived in the flat, yet remains on the tenancy agreement".

A 13yr-old child wouldn't be on a tenancy agreement.

Iam also wondering about this

Princessbananahamock · 02/04/2025 18:18

Council will know who is registered as living there with the tenant. Money from the father is not counted as income.
Perhaps she should try for mutual exchange.

PinkBears · 02/04/2025 18:23

No I’m not wealthy. I work full time and earn just over 30k. I bought my house a couple of years ago after saving for years.

It might be called something else then but the girls are definitely registered as living with her. She showed me.

@Simonjt I’m not implying that at all, of course he should pay for them. I only mentioned it in case posters asked where the father was.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 02/04/2025 18:23

Woman who has a house complains it's not fair her daughter's have to spare a bedroom but doesn't actually care enough about her daughter to live with her daughter.

Meanwhile people who don't qualify for council housing either chose not to have a second child because they don't want them sharing a bedroom and they can't afford to rent or buy a 3 bed, or they suck it up and share.

OP the solution here is simple. Be unavailable to visit this relative. This way they can't wind you up.

Violashifts · 02/04/2025 18:30

Why does she not live with her daughter? Sounds bizarre.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/04/2025 18:49

"the oldest daughter has been living with her grandparents for several years."

Why?

Fullcircle90 · 02/04/2025 18:50

You’re not being unreasonable. So many people are so entitled about their benefits in this country

PinkBears · 02/04/2025 18:53

Violashifts · 02/04/2025 18:30

Why does she not live with her daughter? Sounds bizarre.

She doesn’t want to share a room with her younger sister and gets her own bedroom at her grandparents house instead.

OP posts:
rockandhardplace123 · 02/04/2025 19:28

The fathers payments towards your relative are irrelevant as this doesn't count as income. By saying cash in hand you are implying it should be "declared" this is not the case.

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