To ask, how do you stop feeling anxious when someone ignores you?

[BeCoralSeal]

Even when I tell myself not to care, I still get that uneasy, spiralling feeling when someone suddenly goes silent or gives me the cold shoulder. AIBU to think that it’s really hard not to talk it personally? And how do you actually manage it?

Can you give an example OP? I don’t really feel ignored and def don’t ignore anyone knowingly. Where and when does this happen to you? It sounds horrid though.

We often give ourselves too much importance. We rarely know what's going on in other people's lives and their behaviour often has nothing to do with us.

I don't know what's going on but generally speaking, ignoring people is rude and reflects badly on them.

Do you mean a friend who doesn't respond to something? I tell myself that every single time in the past it has been because they are busy, or missed the message, or in one case had gone off their rocker. It has never been directly about me, so I don't need to worry about that.

Either it's nothing you've done and they're just busy, or it IS something you've done and they're too immature to have a proper conversation with you about it.

If they're busy, they'll talk to you when the can. If they're just being petty then you're better off without speaking to them anyway.

Some people withhold communication purposely as a way of manipulating people. They want you to feel anxious. If there's any chance that this person is one of those, get rid, ASAP.

Well, I think first you have to explain WHY it makes you anxious, because most of us won't see the issue. Perhaps if you are able to understand it yourself, it will help you to manage your emotions better.

Who do you feel is ignoring you?
Honestly, in a lot of friendships etc we often think we are a much more major part of someone life than we are. Other things get in the way. I think with mobiles and messaging apps we expect instant answers when someone reads a message. However people are often in the middle of things and are not ignoring, just busy with other things.

Well, is this person a random neighbour or someone on the school run, or your spouse??? Because if it’s someone with whom you at most exchanged the odd remark about the weather, I wouldn’t give it another thought.

You don’t have people in your life who ignore you.

If they’re family, you stop caring what they think, because can you respect a person that ignores you on purpose?

I had this yesterday at work - popped in and spoke to someone and the guy I sometimes chat to sitting next to her completely ignored me and didn't even turn around which I found really rude. It sent me into a spiral of over-thinking why they would ignore me. I'm currently working through anxious thoughts with a therapist and this is what she would say and ask me to write down:

• why do you care?
• it's probably not about you, they could be having a bad day, be busy etc
• what happened in the day that was good i.e. think of all the things to be happy about and don't focus on one bad thing
• People do ignore other people - such is life, accept it, process what feelings that brings and move on.

We need to re-train our brains in the way we think. It's not easy as our brains will default to the anxious thinking but the more we practice the easier it will become.