Aibu to feel at my wits end with dd13 or am being dramatic

[Catontoof]

Long story short dd is constantly screaming shouting being rude to the point I cannot even have a conversation with her. Mother's Day she threw some flowers at me woukdnt spend any time with me didn't get me a card. The flowers she was made to get by my mum and so that felt really forced.

no nice words of love or appreciation
last night she told me I'm not a proper mum I can't cook etc
this morning in my room screaming about her hair wouldn't leave and turned abusive

I have had it, she hates going to her dads but I feel at a loss and feel as though I can no longer take it:
she is my dd and I would die for her but lately I just feel so resentful we can't go anywhere as it's just awful and full of strops and complaining.
she's rude to me in front of my friends
she won't go to anyone else but me I just feel isolated. But I also know this is teenagers maybe I'm expecting to much
I have no sensible family around me at all

Whatever others will say, this isn't normal teenager behaviour.

Has she always been like this? Is it new behaviour? Can you trace it back to anything traumatic happening? Is she ND? She sounds incredibly stressed and distressed. Kids, even teenagers, don't react with that level of anger and apparent hate if they're perfectly fine.

OP just didn’t think to mentioned her daughter’s disability …

If she has a meltdown when you take the phone away so you give it back, that's teaching her how to get out of punishments she really doesn't like.

If my child recorded me in that context, they'd be losing their phone immediately for the foreseeable future.

I'm all for having a calm chat and trying to draw out what's really going on, if there's something she's struggling with... All for having a mature and kind conversation. But that approach needs to go hand in hand with her understanding that unacceptable behaviour will not be tolerated.

Just like a 4 year old, she'll kick and scream and be horrific when you actually really enforce it for the first time, but know that every time you stick to your guns, you're teaching her that it's just not worth the effort fighting you so hard next time.

It's not true. There's more going on with this particular teenager. She has adhd for a start, meaning she's likely less equipped to deal effectively with whatever is going on in her life to cause this level of upset.

Mind blowing that you didn't mention the adhd upfront. Which suggests you have little or no understanding of her nd and how it might impact her. You need to do the work to understand parenting a teenager with adhd and not expect things to be the same as for other teenagers. X10 as you are doing this alone - it's a lot but there's no excuse for knowing she is ND and not making an attempt to adapt for it.

Has it ever crossed your blown mind that I didn't say it in the beginning as I didn't want to it to be outing?
what blows my mind is people who take one tiny piece of information and say such harmful untrue things from it

Posting this and not mentioning her neurodiversity is like posting to ask why your one year old isn’t walking yet then dropping in later on that they were born with one leg.

https://www.instagram.com/theadhddude?igsh=ZWRuNzZ5OXBhb2wz

https://www.instagram.com/grownowadhd?igsh=MTg2OGgyeWI2dHhqcA==

incredibly helpful resources for dealing with a child with ADHD

Thanks