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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unnerved at getting my life back.

11 replies

FeelGettingPowerBack · 02/04/2025 09:41

Not really an AIBU, but feel this is the best place for it.

I’m starting a new job on Friday, and I feel a bit unnerved at arriving at this new stage in my life. I’m on the cusp of feeling happy, like I’ve got my groove back and I don’t want to jinx or blow it.

I was a SAHM for 13 years due to my DH’s job which involved moving a lot, and a lot of travel. I don’t regret that choice, but it came with consequences. About 5 years ago I found myself a SAHM with serious marriage issues. I felt so alone, and came very close to divorce. My DH didn’t do anything major, like an affair, we just grew apart. At this stage I had youngish DC.

I looked for a job, and got nowhere. In the end I volunteered for a year to get experience and references (after a suggestion on here), then I got a p/t job where I’ve worked for 5 years. I’m very valued there, and made lots of friends.

I went from feeling totally vulnerable, to less vulnerable.

I’ve been offered another job which fits around my other one. This’ll take me to FT work and a salary I could survive on my own with. It’s also something I’m going to love. It’s vocational. I’ll learn loads.

My DC are 5 years older, teens, mostly independent. DH and I are back to our normal loving selves, but I’ll never put myself in that vulnerable position again.

So, after feeling vulnerable, alone, a bit desperate, scared, no prospects, without my own finances, I suddenly find myself in a very different situation.

You’d think I’d be dancing round the kitchen to Farrell Williams, but instead I’m feeling a bit anxious, out of my comfort zone and a bit like it’s too good to be true, because I can’t remember the last time I felt empowered and respected. I think it was 20 years ago, pre DC when I had a really good job.

Not sure what the AIBU is. Maybe, YABU get over it woman.

OP posts:
Loub1987 · 02/04/2025 09:46

Change is always hard and also starting a new job is always really unsettling. Luckily, you have pt job you already love and honestly once you get over the first week in the new job you will feel much better.

Congrats on the new role, I’m sure it will be great!

FeelGettingPowerBack · 02/04/2025 09:48

Apologies for using one word multiple times. I can’t edit it again. Be assured my new job is not teaching DC English 😝

OP posts:
Fraudornot · 02/04/2025 09:49

No advice but a huge well done! Great example to your children too.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/04/2025 09:51

No advice but huge congratulations on this exciting new step! You’ve done amazingly and I’m thrilled for you.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 02/04/2025 09:52

Well done, how exciting for you. Financial independence is fab, isn't it.😁
Embrace your new life with gusto.
💐

Solobanana · 02/04/2025 09:54

Well done OP!!! Change is always nerve racking- but you’ll be loving it within a few weeks once the settling in is done!! Enjoy it! It’s always nice to refind yourself and realise there is more than just a mother and wife! (Even though we love our children and spouse!)

go on a shopping trip to get a new outfit that makes you feel confident! Get a hair cut! Nails! It always helps me when I’ve changed jobs/roles. X

FeelGettingPowerBack · 02/04/2025 10:09

Thank you, you’ve made me all well up.

I’m starting to feel like my old self. I thought that person was lost forever, but she’s not. I’m actually a better version of her because now I don’t take any crap, and I don’t care what people think of me.

Incidentally my DH has said, tongue in cheek, that he’s not sure he likes the new me. That’s too bad though because both my parent and sibling were widowed at my age, and 3 of my friends are getting divorced. I’ll never fully trust a man again either after nearly getting divorced and seeing what destruction my friends “lovely” husbands have inflicted on them and their DC. I’m shoring up myself for the future, not just £ and work, but I’m also working on being as healthy as I can.

OP posts:
TooManyCupsAndMugs · 02/04/2025 10:37

I think that's great and I get where you are coming from. I've gone from a full time, management job to a part time role and I'm now looking to go back FT and start my career up again for exactly this reason - I don't want to feel dependent on a man, however happy and settled we are (we are!)

Tiswa · 02/04/2025 10:42

I wonder whether you are feeling unnerved because your old self doesn’t gel with your DH and that before this happened your relationship was a vital and necessary part of your life which it now isn’t.

SparklyBrickViper · 02/04/2025 10:48

Change is good but terrifying!

It’s natural to be apprehensive but you’ve done brilliantly and will rock it!

mumda · 02/04/2025 11:20

Perfectly normal to feel nervous about change.

Have you got everything ready for starting? What are you doing for lunch? Plan. Check lists. Tick off things.

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