To be sick of my stepfathers bullshit?

[PinataHeeHaw]

My stepfather told my mum that he didn't join in on a family event that I had gone to a lot of trouble organising because of cultural requirements. I don't want to be too outing, but my mother said she felt really sorry for him not joiningjoin when he said lost event that these cultural requirements were the reason he didn't join in. The event was something I had arranged and he seems to have an issue with me anyway. I don't care that he didn't join in but the reasons he gave my mum for not joining in are bullshit. To cite cultural reasons is rubbish as he has been in this country for many years and this specific cultural/religious thing has never, ever, stopped him from doing this thing I organised in the past. Plus, in the evening he did a thing that would've compromised these cultural/faith beliefs anyway (if he actually adhered to them). There were also plenty of options that wouldn't compromise his cultural beliefs. I'm not bothered he didn't join in, but it's the bullshit lies he spins to my mum and she defends him every single time if I mention the bullshit to her and makes out I'm the trouble causer.

When my mother was telling me how she felt sorry for him when he was spinning his excuses, I wanted to say fucking wake up woman! This is absolute bullshit. It is really stopping me from sleeping because the inconsistencies in the shite he sprouted scream loud and clear and I know if I point these out to her (they're so obvious anyway), she'll just turn on me.

'Mum, I'm sorry Step Dad didn't want to join in <activity>. If you guys want to organise something another time that is more the sort of thing he's comfortable participating in, that would be lovely.'

<repeat as necessary, smiling brightly & changing subject to the weather>

He's absolutely free not to join in with your plans. You don't actually have to invite him. Neither of you have any obligation to accommodate the other. Drop the rope!

He doesn't have to join in, you seem to be really taking this personally your reaction seems over the top, no one should be forced to do anything

She’s piggy in the middle. Between you, you’re making her life a misery. Give her a break.

I think my reaction is so strong because my mum is constantly feeling sorry for his woe is me attitude but he's feeding her complete and utter bullshit. I'm going to hate any man that lies to my mum and I do feel she's really stupid sometimes to fall for this crap.

I do also get so angry that he's getting away with lying to her and I feel I want to tell her that he's a piece of lying shit. Even though she sides with him anyway.

Oh I'm absolutely fine with him not joining in, it's the excuses he gave which are lies that bother me.

Even so your reaction seems very severe, you dont have to have anything to do with him it is your choice

I think what i have learnt over the years that allowing yourself not to care is a real gift to yourself.

You're lying awake because you're angry with him for lying and her for falling for it. Fair enough, but you can't do anything about either of those things. They are entirely out if your control and being angry only affects you. Recognise this truth and decide not to care in that basis.

If you can manage it your life will suddenly feel so much less frustrating and stressful. You will be free.

If your mum chooses to believe him and feel sorry for him, how does that effect you though? It's really not your problem. You don't have any control over what others choose to do. Once you accept that, your life will be a lot easier.

You're trying to control a situation, that you have zero control over. The only thing you can control is your reaction. You aren't going to change your step-Father and neither can you make your Mum see what you can. Another poster is correct - smile, say that they organise their own event that he'd be more comfortable with, next time. You then walk away. Yes, it's frustrating, yes you have every right to be angry, but you are wasting energy on something you can't change.