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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social media makes me feel absolutely terrible

33 replies

ThatNimblePeer · 01/04/2025 23:21

For various reasons I won’t go into, I’m currently socially isolated and struggling at work (and in general), and every time I log in to social media I feel like I see someone who has got another career accolade or is being praised and loved by all their followers (sometimes both). Not to mention the people who somehow have thousands of followers while I have tens. It makes me feel absolutely terrible.

I know everyone feels like this to an extent, and I know the way social media makes you constantly compare and despair is a good reason to come off it. But as I’m socially isolated anyway, it does sort of feel like coming off will leave me even more socially disconnected, and it has career implications too as a lot of people do use it to promote their work and themselves. What do you do? How would you handle this?

YABU - suck it up, and work on yourself so you have more things to boast about on social media like everybody else
YANBU - leave and don’t look back

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 01/04/2025 23:23

I would shut down your social media for the time being and focus on your mental health.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 01/04/2025 23:24

Maitri108 · 01/04/2025 23:23

I would shut down your social media for the time being and focus on your mental health.

This, you don't sound in a good place mentally and social media can worsen that.

oldernotwiserffs · 01/04/2025 23:32

I came off social media just before Xmas and was apprehensive about it because I used to spend so long on it but being off it has done wonders for my mental health and I don’t miss it at all. Come off it for now, you can always go back when you’re in a better place

Trypenniesfromheaven · 01/04/2025 23:35

I'm Autistic and live in an isolation bubble mentally.
Social media makes me want to finally end it all because it highlights what a total misfit I am.
So yes I think if social media has a negative impact on you then of course come off it

SallyD00lally · 01/04/2025 23:35

I know everyone feels like this to an extent

You really need to understand that this is simply not true.

Many of us just have a few close friends and family on our social media, making it a really nice/pleasant thing.

CaramelGhost · 01/04/2025 23:38

Leave. I've been there and it's a waste of energy. I did return and I unfollowed EVERYONE i didn't personally know (ie celebs) and people that didn't keep in touch with or care about me or my family. It is far more pleasant now. The people I do follow that are doing well are people I truly care about and I love to see them succeed

Original poster
ThatNimblePeer · 01/04/2025 23:39

SallyD00lally · 01/04/2025 23:35

I know everyone feels like this to an extent

You really need to understand that this is simply not true.

Many of us just have a few close friends and family on our social media, making it a really nice/pleasant thing.

I mentioned above that I’m in a sector where it is used for work purposes.

OP posts:
Menobaby79 · 01/04/2025 23:39

You're not wrong. I often look at other people's SM and think how much better / easier they have things in their life than my own. But I try to remind myself that its usually just a show reel of their lives and not the reality. That usually helps me.

NattyTurtle59 · 01/04/2025 23:41

SallyD00lally · 01/04/2025 23:35

I know everyone feels like this to an extent

You really need to understand that this is simply not true.

Many of us just have a few close friends and family on our social media, making it a really nice/pleasant thing.

This. I can assure you that "everyone" does not feel like this to an extent, and I couldn't give a flying fig how many followers I have/haven't.

VoltaireMittyDream · 01/04/2025 23:47

Get off.

You’ll feel weird for a couple of days and then your life will instantly feel so much calmer and less angsty.

I got off social media after a traumatic bereavement - I just couldn’t handle the insistent bleating of hundreds of people I scarcely knew about how rich and sexy and successful they were. It made me feel fairly hopeless about the human condition the total vacuousness of everything.

I came back about 3 years later, and only connected with people I knew well and genuinely liked, and followed some IG accounts featuring calm Japanese beavers carrying lettuces, and altruistic kangaroos, and that sort of thing, and that feels much more manageable.

LinkedIn is a total bin fire and not actually useful to anyone unless you’re a scammer or a very desperate recruitment consultant.

Hang in there & take good care of yourself.

PassingStranger · 01/04/2025 23:50

I know several not on fb and they do fine.

VoltaireMittyDream · 01/04/2025 23:52

ThatNimblePeer · 01/04/2025 23:39

I mentioned above that I’m in a sector where it is used for work purposes.

Show quote history

It’s possible then that work is impacting your mental health a lot. Do you work in social media marketing? Is it the work content that is bothering you most? If not, is there a way to pare down who you follow outside of a work context?

SallyD00lally · 01/04/2025 23:55

ThatNimblePeer · 01/04/2025 23:39

I mentioned above that I’m in a sector where it is used for work purposes.

Show quote history

Then start a separate work account and fill it with work related people.

Unless you're doing MLM, you can keep your friends and family separate.

BlondiePortz · 02/04/2025 00:04

ThatNimblePeer · 01/04/2025 23:39

I mentioned above that I’m in a sector where it is used for work purposes.

Show quote history

Then change sectors, if you can't use it withput upseting yourself then you need to change jobs it is not normal

Mnetcurious · 02/04/2025 00:09

NattyTurtle59 · 01/04/2025 23:41

This. I can assure you that "everyone" does not feel like this to an extent, and I couldn't give a flying fig how many followers I have/haven't.

Show quote history

Definitely. I’d much rather have 45 people I actually care about than 1,400 people who are mostly strangers spectating my life and my photos.

SquashedMallow · 02/04/2025 00:21

Please get off it. It's utterly fabricated false bullshit. Trust me, it really is.

I've a friend (loosely) that lives for it. She told me in so many words that she regrets having her only child (later in life) and feels he has put a huge burden on her traveling plans and marriage. The kid in question is an absolute horror (and I can see why ) yet she'll be ignoring him, then randomly pull him into an embrace with her cheesy smiling and declare on social media "my world in one picture. So blessed. Enjoying every precious moment " then will discard him and go back to texting her MLM "huns".

I wish I was joking but I'm not.

Point being - don't believe everything you see. Most of it is a mirage.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 02/04/2025 00:23

I got rid of all social media 3 years ago. I am far happier for it and maintain meaningful relationships with the people I actually care about individually.

I really don't miss it one bit

TheEarlOfLemongrab2 · 02/04/2025 00:27

Trypenniesfromheaven · 01/04/2025 23:35

I'm Autistic and live in an isolation bubble mentally.
Social media makes me want to finally end it all because it highlights what a total misfit I am.
So yes I think if social media has a negative impact on you then of course come off it

Fellow autistic person here. Can't speak for everyone but social media has been absolutely awful for mental health. My problems are the same as the OP's - it's been said a million times before, but people only show you the ~1% of their lives that they want you to see and you always look boring by comparison.

For what it's worth it's very unlikely you're as weird and awkward as you think you are. As someone who's been in the same boat for much of my life, it took years to realise most other people were just going through the motions as well. If you have a look at some of the statements in the original Barnum effect study ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnum_effect ) it shows how insecure people are.

Barnum effect - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnum_effect

TheEarlOfLemongrab2 · 02/04/2025 00:32

(And mate - I know you probably didn't mean it but if you are serious about ending it all then for God's sake tell someone.)

Screamingabdabz · 02/04/2025 00:33

I’ve come across people at work that get bigged up in SM to the point that I’m quite intimidated and nervous to meet them because of all their accolades and achievements, but very few live up to it. I’m usually very disappointed to find they’re just an ordinary person doing their job well (like we all strive to) but they’re just very good at promoting themselves on SM. Other SM junkies follow them and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. They become popular and have a certain profile but often it’s just hype.

BoredZelda · 02/04/2025 00:37

Social media doesn’t make people feel bad. People who don’t feel good anyway, will feel worse looking at social media.

You have a you issue. Of course you should stop using SM if it makes you feel worse. Put it down, and find out how to improve your mental health.

CSectionUncertainty · 02/04/2025 00:46

Why not do a test Op? Delete the apps for a month and see how you feel?

and please remember SM isn’t real! One of my closest friends is having a hugely difficult time as a mum of 2 under 2. She regularly calls me in tears about it. From her SM page you would think she finds motherhood a breeze and is a natural earth-mother type with easy, perfect children! All fake!

Saphire123 · 02/04/2025 00:54

A lot of social media is all smoke and mirrors, people can be what they want to be. They show a life that bares no resemblance to their real lives because they crave for strangers attention and approval.
Why let other people's fantasies make you unsatisfied with your own life?

I honestly believe social media can breed unhappiness and discontentment if you are comparing your own life with others...my advice would be delete your accounts, and live in the real world.

Magpie50 · 02/04/2025 00:54

Why would you still be on it if its making you miserable? I'd ditch it if I were you.
I just don't get the appeal of wanting followers either.....the idea of people 'following' me creeps me out!

Although, full disclosure, I'm a tech moron and have never worked out how to use social media.
I'm on a few forums for specific topics and that's it.

MsNevermore · 02/04/2025 01:00

Important to remember: social media has become something of a fantasy world.

You see what people want you to see 👀

They may have just got a promotion at work and posting all celebratory…..but leave out the part where they were completely fried and miserable working the project that led to the promotion.

I may post a “perfect” family picture of my DCs in my “perfec”t living room……but you can’t see the stack of dishes and unfolded laundry just out of frame in the kitchen, or hear me asking them 10,000 times to smile and stop poking eachother 🫠