To think this is odd ?

[Tulippilut]

I’m going to change a few things just in case anyone involved comes across it and recognises it .

My daughter is autistic , having a birthday party. She is 18. There are 10 of them and it’s a basic party - let’s say laser quest. They have some time to play , then food .

All the people attending are between 17-21. All autistic ( but not necessarily all needing an adult to stay with them ) I will be there and I assume some parents will. They aren’t - for want of a better word - severely autistic to the point they can’t go out alone ( some may not be able to but not due to care needs , more their own safety and understanding) .

She has a friend , let’s call them Jo. Jo is in supported living , I have never met Jo but they used to go to the same education setting . I have only heard things through my daughter and another parent that their was issues at home ( never allowed out , used to escape to go to a friends , another parents friend was involved with speaking to social services about it and they are now in supported living ) .

My daughter has told me that Jo has said their carers need the phone number of every parent of everyone attending . She has also told me that the parents have said if there is anyone with no parent then Jo cannot go.

I work with SEN adults - severe needs - and I understand that some do need carers with them all the time , but that’s the role of the carer , to support and keep the individual safe. I have never known a carer have to speak to all the parents of other individuals and have contact details if they are going to be present ?!
They have apparently - from another parent I heard - said that all the attendees have to have adults with them . They are ALL adults anyway ?!

I don’t think I can ask all the other parents for this - I don’t even have their numbers as my daughter has just invited them.

Why could this be ?

Ask your DD if she can get Jos carers number. I think that is the only way to get to the bottom of this.

If it’s not a misunderstanding then obviously Jo will be unable to attend.

I have asked her and Jo has said she can’t , they won’t give it . Which is odd itself .

Sadly I think jo won't be able to go unless you can speak to her carers. Are you able to contact the supported living facility for some advice.

I would try and get the carer’s number and have a conversation because it sounds, as you say, pretty odd. Maybe the young person has got their wires crossed about something somewhere along the line?
sorry crossed post! Great minds…

If this is right how can Jo ever go anywhere?

I’m wondering if maybe Jo doesn’t really want to attend the party?

You can’t give peoples number out to an j known person. If it’s causing this much trouble I’d just uninvite Jo.

I wondered that. But would someone who is autistic make up a lie, or just say they don't want to come?

This, i am not giving my phone number to anyone for no reason

so you are expected to provide the phone number of every attendees parent to Jo's de facto parent, whilst not having that person's number?
of course not
reply in writing - a note for the carer? - explaining why

Has Jo misunderstood - or possibly putting up false barriers because she doesn't want to attend?

I think you should be strictly factual about this - ask DD to tell Jo it isn't possible to supply the parents' numbers as you do not have all of them and even if you did, you couldn't share them without permission; and you cannot guarantee all attendees will be accompanied by another adult. Then it is up to Jo and their carer what they do on the basis of that information.

Could you ask your DD to give your phone number to Jo and ask Jo to have their carer call you?

I assume it's a misunderstanding but if not then unfortunately Jo won't be able to attend.

This, how on earth do they expect their demand for everyone's number to be met, while refusing to give their own?
Are these carers staff from her accommodation?

Jo and/or her carers cannot demand this. Your DD will have to tell Jo this is not possible and accept she may not come to the party.

That’s strange since she supposedly wants the numbers of everyone else involved.

Well, Jo can't go then.

I wonder why they think it's necessary - how does it protect Jo in any way?

Jo has been invited, I'd say there's no need to engage any further. She can decide to attend or not.