Detention - overreaction or justified

[FuzzyFleece]

DS in Y7 has come home from school upset after being given the highest level detention, he was told that he is lucky not to be suspended. He has ASD and has never been in trouble at school previously, not even a break detention.

He is clumsy, and he spilled his drink. As he was picking his water bottle up off the floor a teacher that he doesn’t know asked who made the mess and he said that it was him. She took him into a classroom and asked if he understood the seriousness of what he had done. He replied that he did not. She told him someone could’ve been injured if they had slipped. He said okay but (to try and explain it was an accident) but she cut him off saying no buts he was in serious trouble.

At the end of the school day while he was waiting for me to collect him he saw the schools head of behaviour outside who called him over and said he was getting the highest level detention and was lucky no one got injured by his behaviour or he would have been suspended

DS is very confused by the apparent extreme reaction to accidentally dropping a bottle of water. I can only assume they think he did it deliberately.

Possible reasons for thinking this was deliberate messing about are that DS smiles inappropriately all the time, he thinks he may have been smiling when he was being told off. It’s also possible the teacher thought he was being cheeky when he said he didn’t understand what he had done wrong. I also established that there were other children messing about in the corridor at the time he dropped his bottle. Even so, the highest level of detention seems a bit extreme.

That does seem bizarrely OTT. As your son has ASD I would be inclined to be his advocate on this occasion and get to the bottom of it.

If he smiled at an inappropriate time, a teacher who doesn't know him may have thought he was being cheeky.

You need to contact the school and advocate for him; a "highest level detention" and threats of suspension over accidentally dropping a bottle are total overkill anyway.

If it’s a genuine accident where he has simply dropped his water bottle and he wasn’t given a chance to explain and he’s come home upset personally as he’s year 7 I would call the school in the morning and say

1. it was an accident and he has ASD
2. explain he smiles inappropriately that’s how he copes
3. he wasn’t being cheeky when he said he didn’t understand what he did wrong. Again this is an ASD way of thinking

I would also tell your DS that he’s not doing the detention as long as what he has told you is the honest truth

I think you should ring the school and talk to them about this absolutely

Not right

I think it's important to discuss this with the school and hear what the rationale behind the sanction is. It does sound excessive but you need to get to the bottom of it.

I would call the school with an open mind quite willing to hear there is more to it, as should be the attitude of the school.

You need to get the story from the schools point of view before deciding what to do further.

Yes, I will definitely discuss it with them. DS is saying he’s not going back into school.

I'm not surprised he's saying that

He is being punished for being autistic, which is unfortunately very common indeed. Our child had a “passport” in the register for each teacher to see that he was autistic, a linked learning support worker, a card to show when he was becoming distressed…all things we fought tooth and claw for over years. He was still punished for normal, non-disruptive autistic behaviour on numerous occasions, blamed for being bullied and just failed on every level. You have to be “that parent”, I’m afraid. Keep records, stay calm and polite, push back every single time. It shouldn’t be like this, but secondary schools are a hostile environment for autistic children, and you are the only advocate your child has.

I mean it does depend, he could have done it on purpose and is trying to get out of it. You need to discuss it with school.

I’d start with a chat with the school, find out what their version is, and then you can explain

I imagine it’s the smiling when being reprimanded that’s caused the problem.

Yes, I think the smiling could be a big part of it. They must have a different view about what happened as it’s really OTT otherwise. The teacher was someone who is not known to him, she is probably unaware he’s autistic. I’ll speak to the student support team/SENCO as he has a good relationship with them as he spends a lot of time in the student support unit.