To feel like I’m running this whole show alone?

[RedRedFox]

I love my family, I really do, but I swear I am the only one actually keeping this house going. DH is helpful in the way a toddler is when they help, things get done, but only after I’ve asked, reminded, and then redone them properly.

Teen DD (14) has hit the eye-rolling stage and now finds everything I say humiliating. DS (10) is struggling in school (likely ADHD, but still fighting to get the school to actually do anything). Youngest (6) refuses to wear socks, insists she’s a cat, and fully believes she should be carried everywhere.

Meanwhile, MIL pops in regularly to tell me how things were so much simpler in her day and to remind me that she “never needed all this gentle parenting nonsense.” (She also conveniently forgets that DH still doesn’t know how to find the washing machine.)

Speaking of which, tonight was the final straw. DH proudly told me he’d “babysit” so I could “have a break.” Where did I go? The spa? A solo dinner? Nope. I was in the kitchen doing the bloody food shop online while the babysitter sat on his phone.

AIBU to wonder what would happen if I just disappeared for a few days? Or would they all just sit in their own filth waiting for me to come back?

And what was it about the toddler man that made you find him attractive and competent enough to marry and reproduce with?

Well I think some of this is down to you for putting up with it. What regular chores does your 14 year old have? As to DH practice makes perfect, you may have to drop your standards for a while.

How did you not slap him?!

Honestly, I wonder the same thing sometimes! When we were dating, he was great helped out, had his life together, all that. I guess after kids, the charm wore off a bit and the reality of his “help” came into play. I don’t know, maybe I was naïve?

As for the 14 year old, well, she does her own laundry (sort of), is supposed to tidy her room, and sometimes feeds the dog when I ask her. But we’re definitely not at the point where she’s managing household tasks without constant reminders. I keep telling myself she’ll grow into responsibility, but some days I’m not sure.

And as for DH practice makes perfect, eh? At this point, I’m not even sure he knows where the vacuum is, but maybe I’ll just have to drop my expectations for a bit. I mean, he does do the occasional ‘babysitting’… if you can call it that. 😅

As for slapping him… it was a close call, to be honest. I just gently reminded him that “babysitting” implies that they’re not his children.

How helpful. Should the OP reabsorb the children back into her womb or would abandoning them at the nearest orphanage be better?

AIBU to wonder what would happen if I just disappeared for a few days?

Time to test it out, book a few nights in the nearest Premier Inn, switch your phone off and leave them to it.

I've taken a new job with long hours and a commute, so mine has had to step up. So far it’s been a disaster and he’s done nothing but complain - while other people tell him what a hero he is of course 🙄 Meanwhile I’m still carrying all the mental load and he wants me to make fucking lists for him to do to look after his own children! I’m at the point where I’m considering resigning.

Sorry, I have no advice, just solidarity.