To think it’s sometimes healthier to keep parents at arm’s length?

[ForGreatMintDreamer]

Not everyone has a close, supportive relationship with their parents. Some people find that maintaining distance - emotionally or physically - leads to a much healthier dynamic. AIBU to think that you don’t have to be close to your parents just because they raised you? Or is keeping them at arm’s length unfair?

Depends op. My mother is quite hard work so yes arms length. But sometimes it doesnt work as the texts start with drama... or she hasnt heard from me.

Arms length wouldn't have worked for me, but you do you OP...

I feel there is a back story here.

I put my parents on a strict information diet years ago and never looked back. We talk about the weather. That’s it.

Sharing any bad news elicits the worst kind of judgment as well as never letting you forget about your ‘mistakes’ for years - even decades - later. Good news… they always find a way to suck the joy out of. Always. I don’t know how they do it.

I should add that they’re not ‘bad’ people as such, we just live on completely different planets.

Yes . Another country length works fantastic for me.

Mine or on a strict information from me and all but one of my siblings, though mostly because they’re total catastrophisers, and you end up taking on all their emotional burden on top of whatever worry you were rash enough to mention.

Crushed agree. I learnt the hard way she threw things back at me when in a strop. My friend said its lesson learnt stop saying too much. Im vague now yes no etc. Hols vague. She type would ring hotels to check was I there. Not nice

This 100% here too
If i tell my mum any bad news she's the worst catastorphiser and then manages to tell me how she has it worse
If i tell her any good news or things I'm looking forward to it ends up with long sighs and disappointment that she never did that or can't afford it etc
I'm not quite sure how she manages to stay on the phone with me for nearly an hour because I barely say anything!

I’m 80 miles from my parents and wish I was closer. They are very different people to me but they are very supportive. I plan to move within 20 miles of them once my affairs in my current city is settled. My brother lives two miles from them, but oddly, doesn’t see them much!