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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Accused of bullying at work by the guy who bullies people

4 replies

ToeSucker · 01/04/2025 16:09

We have a guy on the team the CEO loves.

It's a tiny company with no HR.

It's my first time working with someone of this stereotype but he does no work, criticises everyone else, and presents other people's work in meetings as his own.

He's developed a habit of choosing to kick off at people in large groups over things that aren't even problems, let alone anyone's fault. I dread to think what he'll be like when actual problems arise.

I have followed advice on Indeed on dealing with aggressive, manipulative people.

I've stuck to a neutral tone and asked him not to berate the developers in a group setting when their manager, who delegates their work, isn't present. I said you can raise the issue with him instead.

I've received a call from this guy asking what my problem is with him. He says I shut down everything he says and I'm aggressive. I don't even know where to begin with this. I've never been aggressive in my life and I'm proud I stood up to him in a professional way.

I've now been accused of bullying.

Any ideas on how to handle this situation? Thinking I might have to just look for a new job. Am I nuts for thinking that?

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/04/2025 16:23

Yanbu in this situation. Do not engage with this guy without a senior witness present. Use email if poss

If you're a minority, that 'agressive' label has layers

Sorry you're going through that x

SparklyBrickViper · 01/04/2025 16:33

He’ll need to provide details of his allegations.

start collating your own evidence of your dealings with him.

Write a diary of dates, interactions and if there were people in attendance that witnessed either of your behaviours. Do it now for anything historical and keep adding to it for every occasion you interact with him.

Search your emails for any interactions, and file them.

Keep everything as factual as possible.

(I know this is difficult but keep the emotion out of it whilst this is ongoing. You’ll spend hours doubting yourself and second guessing your own actions; it’s what bullies thrive on).

ToeSucker · 01/04/2025 19:29

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/04/2025 16:23

Yanbu in this situation. Do not engage with this guy without a senior witness present. Use email if poss

If you're a minority, that 'agressive' label has layers

Sorry you're going through that x

Thank you. Unfortunately we work together without a senior present

OP posts:
AdiosHombre · 01/04/2025 19:42

Classic cry bully!

Well done for not taking his shit, rinse and repeat.

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