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AIBU?

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Original poster

Told to raise grievance and don’t know what to do anymore. Can anyone help?

8 replies

Fallingapapt · 01/04/2025 15:52

I was put on an informal process to look at my performance after 5 years at the company. In my opinion new manager (started in summer 2024) has taken a dislike to me, has often joked about me foo bedtime for my three children while the team is ‘still hard at it’ and other comments to that effect. The informal process was 7 weeks. I was told he would closely monitor my work and provide feedback to show me where I was going wrong. What actually happened was that I was suddenly given minimal work, removed from meeting invites and given exactly zero feedback on any work I had done. I asked for feedback during this period and was told I simply wasn’t good enough for my job title and that HR would give feedback in due course.

In the end I went directly to HR as I didn’t know what was going on. HR said that from what I said there wasn’t a fair process here and if I wanted to bring a grievance they suggest I do. Even though they couldn’t say whether it would be upheld, they said there were clear grounds for this.

I have had four interviews in the last month as I have felt so pushed out of my current role. I have been put forward to the second round for all three but no offers yet. I want to jump ship where I am as my mental health is taking a battering here but I also can’t do that without a job to go to. I am suspicious as to why a grievance has been suggested and just don’t know what to do. I don’t want any new employer to know any of this either as I feel I have been put in an awful position that has been a product of bullying rather than a genuine concern about performance. The manager is systematically bringing in his previous colleagues and I think this is his motivation to have me gone.

I feel sick and can’t sleep and just don’t know what to do

OP posts:
PhilippaGeorgiou · 01/04/2025 15:56

HR are doing their due diligence by telling you that you could submit a grievance. Make no mistake, they are not on your side. They are employed by the same company that employs you, and their job is to protect the company. That may play in your favour if you have clear evidence of wrongdoing - but it often doesn't. They will protect the employer - not any individual, neither you nor your manager. Which side they fall down on will be determined by what lies in their best interest.

NoctuaAthene · 01/04/2025 16:01

Hi, HR person here. Personally I'd do exactly what you are doing, look for another job. The advice HR gave wasn't wrong, if you feel your manager has been unfair and is bullying you the only way they're going to be able to do something about that is to put in a complaint or grievance about him, with evidence and examples. If he'd put you onto a formal PIP or capability process there might be an appeal stage or some kind of HR involvement within that depending on your company processes but you don't want to encourage that when your main objective is to leave.

Whether you want to pursue the grievance is up to you, again personally I'd think carefully about it, not saying it's not possible to get a good outcome from a grievance process particularly if you have good tangible evidence (not just he said she said) but inevitably the process takes longer and is more stressful than the people involved would have liked, and often they have to keep working together while it's looked into which is very un-ideal. I know it sounds hard but I think I'd just try and keep my head down at work and try not to let yourself get too stressed, if you aren't being given much work and can do so discreetly I'd use the time to job hunt and just get out ASAP.

Original poster
Fallingapapt · 01/04/2025 16:05

PhilippaGeorgiou · 01/04/2025 15:56

HR are doing their due diligence by telling you that you could submit a grievance. Make no mistake, they are not on your side. They are employed by the same company that employs you, and their job is to protect the company. That may play in your favour if you have clear evidence of wrongdoing - but it often doesn't. They will protect the employer - not any individual, neither you nor your manager. Which side they fall down on will be determined by what lies in their best interest.

@PhilippaGeorgiou ok thank you! I felt like they were very much on my side so this is a good thing to remember. Never been in a situation like this so feel out of my depth

OP posts:
ScottBakula · 01/04/2025 16:08

It sounds lime your new manager is either inexperienced and doesn't know how to handle your performance , I am not saying it is bad , just he doesn't know what to do with it .
Or he is trying to elbow you out of your job by making you uncomfortable.

Ime if HR say you 'could' raise a grievance, they are saying you should raise one but they are not meant to tell you this officially.

I would raise one , make sure you put everything in writing.
ie the amount of work you did before v what you do now
'joke ' comments about you going home early
The lack of feed back and direction

I'd stay at your current job but keep applying for new ones
If / when you need a reference give your new employer your current HR contact details and if you have them , your old managers details .

Original poster
Fallingapapt · 01/04/2025 16:08

NoctuaAthene · 01/04/2025 16:01

Hi, HR person here. Personally I'd do exactly what you are doing, look for another job. The advice HR gave wasn't wrong, if you feel your manager has been unfair and is bullying you the only way they're going to be able to do something about that is to put in a complaint or grievance about him, with evidence and examples. If he'd put you onto a formal PIP or capability process there might be an appeal stage or some kind of HR involvement within that depending on your company processes but you don't want to encourage that when your main objective is to leave.

Whether you want to pursue the grievance is up to you, again personally I'd think carefully about it, not saying it's not possible to get a good outcome from a grievance process particularly if you have good tangible evidence (not just he said she said) but inevitably the process takes longer and is more stressful than the people involved would have liked, and often they have to keep working together while it's looked into which is very un-ideal. I know it sounds hard but I think I'd just try and keep my head down at work and try not to let yourself get too stressed, if you aren't being given much work and can do so discreetly I'd use the time to job hunt and just get out ASAP.

@NoctuaAthene thanks I feel so out of my depth here as never been involved with hr at all before. Since I told Hr about his treatment of me he has now told them I didnt ‘pass’ the informal stage and he wants me on a PIP. hr said they have to put that in place unless I put in a grievance which would stop the process while his previous conduct was looked into. I’ve been told the burden is on him to show the informal part was done fairly and it absolutely wasn’t. I don’t want to go on a PIP when his obvious objective is to get me to leave

OP posts:
PurpleQualityStreet99 · 01/04/2025 16:45

HR have given you correct advice but I disagree with PP who says they’re only there to protect the company. You don’t know who else has been affected by this behaviour and HR can’t take action without evidence. They may be encouraging you to provide this.
I know of plenty of cases where HR feel just as frustrated as they can’t do anything about behaviour that’s clearly unacceptable because no one will speak up.
But think carefully about whether you want to be that person as you may find it difficult at work until you leave.
Can you ask for written evidence that the informal stage wasn’t completed which may delay the process?

Original poster
Fallingapapt · 01/04/2025 19:13

@PurpleQualityStreet99 thanks. I think it’s inevitable I will leave. It just feels horrendous to have this forced upon me. I would like some breathing space to look for another job but I can’t do that with no income either

OP posts:
BunnyVV · 30/06/2025 18:22

If you’re planning on leaving, put in the grievance. Keep it simple so they can’t waffle in their response. This is a way of documenting everything in a polite but official way.

there have been no concerns about my work for 5 years. All appraisals have been excellent.
new manager put me on a pip and actively removed support. This made me feel this this and this.
he has also made comments about my working hours when I am not online at 7:30pm.
i have spoken to HR about my concerns and they have suggested a grievance.
Therefore please investigate the way the informal
Pip has been conducted.

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