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Husband messages other women

6 replies

Jidemummu199 · 01/04/2025 15:44

So, in the past I have caught him messaging other women and talked to him about it. Every time I mention it, he brushes it off and gets angry at me for even bringing it up. The first woman was one of his old FWB. The second was some woman on Instagram. The most recent one dates back to three years ago which i know is a long time ago but I'm not letting it go because I know there are probably more encountersI not even aware of. I was using his tablet for my coursework and came across his Facebook. Admittedly, I peeked. I know I shouldn't have but honestly I need validation for my concerns at this point. He was basically saying that she is shining and calling her babe, commenting on her smile and using heart-eyed emojis. He said she looked cuter than ever. Am I overreacting? She lives in the UK but up North and we live in London. He also said he wished she didn't live so far away. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I have suggested therapy and he says no. He thinks I am too "masculine" and ambitious. I get a lot of compliments on my looks to be honest. I work hard, I study. He never comments on my looks or says anything nice about me. We also have a 4 year old. I honestly feel trapped at this point.

OP posts:
MentallyDatingDaveGrohl · 01/04/2025 15:49

you are banging on about something that happened 3 years ago -what’s the point?
You should have left then. To continually hold it over him is pointless. You don’t trust him, and he resents you constantly bringing it up. That is an awful environment to bring up a child. You need to either attend counselling, choose to forgive him or leave.

NC28 · 01/04/2025 15:51

Your marriage is over. He’s got zero respect for you or your child. That will never change, I think you know that.

Leave him, or be prepared to play second fiddle to whomever he’s chasing for the rest of your life.

Show your child that their mother has self-respect and get out. Otherwise it’s death by a thousand cuts.

ItGhoul · 01/04/2025 16:13

I think you should have left him three years ago when this problem arose, to be honest.

Of course he was out of order to be sending flirty messages to other women, but he's not suddenly going to admit this three years later just because you keep bringing it up. You either need to leave him (which would be my choice, if I were you) or stay with him and accept that he's a cheat.

Jidemummu199 · 01/04/2025 17:23

Thank you for your comment. The point is that we were married at that point and I've just seen the messages. So it's fresh in my mind. But I have spoken to him about it. He doesn't want therapy. He doesn't see a problem with what he has been messaging this person. I need to start preparing to be on mt own.

OP posts:
Lovelytoseethesun · 01/04/2025 17:48

He obviously doesn't remember that he took marriage vows and yours is presumably supposed to be a monogamous relationship.
He is blaming you: he is making out it's your fault he has a roving eye. He doesn't respect you .
He won't change.
Honestly OP you deserve so much better.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 11/06/2025 21:08

Leave him. He is gaslighting you and making out nothing is happening and that you are over-reacting. He gets defensive as he knows you are onto him. Putting it all on you and putting you down. What a wanker and nasty piece of work. Get out now x

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