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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC not invited to party…

22 replies

nc0007 · 01/04/2025 12:40

I know this is probably a non issue, but nonetheless I feel a bit off…

I collected DC from school yesterday and all kids walked out the classroom with big white envelopes shouting they were invited to a party. I checked DCs book bag and she didn’t have one. She’s in reception and she didn’t mention the party so I don’t think she realised, but she’s also at the age where ‘you’re not invited to my party’ is a phrase that kids say all the time and it means the end of the world so I’m worried it’ll get back to her at some point.

I’ll wait and see today, perhaps the teachers forgot to put it in her bag and one will turn up today but if not, AIBU to feel a bit off about this?

And I want to reiterate that I saw every kid walking out the classroom showing their parents their envelope in excitement so I’m sure it’s not just a perception. Also, I know that (rightly or wrongly) there is a list of all first names in the parents group chat from parties before so everyone has access to all the names.

OP posts:
Iamtired123 · 01/04/2025 12:47

Are you sure it was EVERY child? Maybe only certain children were invited ?

Ablondiebutagoody · 01/04/2025 12:49

I once got sad because ds wasn't invited to his Y1 or so best friends birthday party. Thinking how sad it was that the boy he thinks is his best friend doesn't feel the same.

Found the invite a month later in his tray at parents evening. Apologised to the parents for snubbing them.

Original poster
nc0007 · 01/04/2025 12:51

Ablondiebutagoody · 01/04/2025 12:49

I once got sad because ds wasn't invited to his Y1 or so best friends birthday party. Thinking how sad it was that the boy he thinks is his best friend doesn't feel the same.

Found the invite a month later in his tray at parents evening. Apologised to the parents for snubbing them.

Yes, that’s what I’m hoping!

OP posts:
Original poster
nc0007 · 01/04/2025 12:52

Iamtired123 · 01/04/2025 12:47

Are you sure it was EVERY child? Maybe only certain children were invited ?

Pretty sure. I know I didn’t stand there and check everyone’s bags but did witness about 10 children and it would be a massive coincidence that all the kids that were invited were all dismissed at the same time

OP posts:
BillyILash · 01/04/2025 12:56

my money is on its not been put in the bag or wrong bag. Ask the teacher they will tell you if it was all children or just some. You can decide how you feel from there.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 01/04/2025 13:11

Ask the teacher if it was everyone in the class - it could have just been 10-12 of them have been invited. If it was everyone, chances are there is an invitation somewhere - the teacher might ask the other parent for you

Greenfinch7 · 01/04/2025 13:14

I think you should ask the teacher, not wait to see if an invitation turns up. It could easily have got lost/ fallen behind something, and might not just show up; the teacher will know whether everyone was invited if the kids are coming out of school having just been given the envelopes.

Grungrot · 01/04/2025 13:23

My son didn’t get invited to a girl’s party in reception. Didn’t think a thing of it. On a meal out with the mums her mum approached me tentatively to explain her daughter hadn’t wanted to invite him because he punches her. I said that behaviour was a total surprise but that I’d speak to him. I did, he wasn’t even sure who the girl was and said he’d never punched anyone. I believed him. At another class party a few months later the mum approached me to apologise, it hadn’t been my son punching her at all, but another kid and she was sorry he missed the party. I replied with “yeah, I knew she had that wrong and don’t worry, he wasn’t bothered about the party” and turned away. I was unhappy with how she approached it. Why not speak to the teacher if she believes her kid is getting punched at school. Anyway 😊

Dollshousedolly · 01/04/2025 13:26

I would have a quick chat with the teacher - if the invitations were handed out in the classroom, every child should have been included or the teacher should have told the parents, they’d need to be distributed outside of school.

Original poster
nc0007 · 01/04/2025 13:30

Thanks all! I’ll have a chat tomorrow at drop off!

@GrungrotI would hope I’d be alerted if my DC ever did anything to another child and not have her passive aggressively excluded!

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 01/04/2025 13:31

So you didn’t see all the kids walk out with an invitation just some.

Not everybody is going to be invited to every party. Just as not ever child is going to be friends with every other child. Its completely normal and natural, you’re only taking it to heart because it’s your child that isn’t invited to this specific party yet there will be parties in the future where he is invited and others won’t be.

Not all party venues cater for large numbers of children and some parents prefer to invite just children their own children actually play with rather than doing the whole class.

ilovesooty · 01/04/2025 13:33

Why do teachers have to get involved with this stuff?

Richiewoo · 01/04/2025 13:35

You saw 10 kids. There's usually 30 kids in a class.

Original poster
nc0007 · 01/04/2025 13:45

Richiewoo · 01/04/2025 13:35

You saw 10 kids. There's usually 30 kids in a class.

I get that, but for them to all come out at the same time is a coincidence at the very best!

I also have no issue with a party being for a select few (I’ve done those before as a lot of soft play type places will charge an arm and a leg per head), I’m just merely asking AIBU to feel off if it turns out to be the whole class as that’s my suspicion. A lot of parents in this class have already put on hall type parties as they feel their first school party should be like that as they don’t have exclusive friends yet.

I wouldn’t be upset if she didn’t make a few ‘friends list’, but would be if she was singled out, so I will take the advice of just asking if it was a party for everyone as the invites were handed out in school. If not, no bother, if so, I probably wouldn’t say anything either way as it’s not something to make a fuss over. I’ll just silently be disappointed for her 😂

OP posts:
Grungrot · 01/04/2025 13:51

nc0007 · 01/04/2025 13:30

Thanks all! I’ll have a chat tomorrow at drop off!

@GrungrotI would hope I’d be alerted if my DC ever did anything to another child and not have her passive aggressively excluded!

Oh I wasn’t suggesting she’d done anything or been accused of anything! I think I was just getting that off my chest despite it being 17 years ago!

MiddleAgedDread · 01/04/2025 13:54

Unless you go to a very small school, 10 kids is not "all the kids" or "everyone". You saw SOME kids with a party invite so perhaps just accept your DD isn't invite to it??

User450707 · 01/04/2025 13:57

Did you child mention who the birthday child is? I would only expect to a guaranteed invite from very close friends whose names & parents you already know and probably the birthday month as well. If you don't even know whose birthday it is then it's really not a big deal not to be invited.

Original poster
nc0007 · 01/04/2025 13:58

Grungrot · 01/04/2025 13:51

Oh I wasn’t suggesting she’d done anything or been accused of anything! I think I was just getting that off my chest despite it being 17 years ago!

Show quote history

Oh no I know! I was just commenting generally!

OP posts:
Original poster
nc0007 · 01/04/2025 13:59

User450707 · 01/04/2025 13:57

Did you child mention who the birthday child is? I would only expect to a guaranteed invite from very close friends whose names & parents you already know and probably the birthday month as well. If you don't even know whose birthday it is then it's really not a big deal not to be invited.

I actually did hear a name mentioned by one of the children and it appears to be a girl she went to nursery with and the mum always interacts with me when seen out in the shops etc - the more I was questioning it!

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 01/04/2025 14:13

YABU. You don't know all kids were invited or whether they were all even holding the same thing in an envelope (some classes have started making Easter cards for example). It might also be that there are a few parties coming up and parents wanted to hand out invites before the holidays so even if you saw lots of children with them, it doesn't mean your child is missing out and it might be multiple parties.
There may also be children at after school club who you didn't see who may not have envelopes either, so 10 out of 30 could be it (also are you a double entry, as they might have invited friends from the other class, so 10 from each).

TheGoogleMum · 01/04/2025 14:18

Once at nursery we were surprised DD didn't get an invite to her supposed best friends birthday! Actually, she was invited but the staff just forgot to give it out. So there is still hope!

She's in yr 1 now, I've actually been surprised that nobody does full class parties in her year (or in reception) so she's only been invited to a couple (she's a bit of a loner)

Mama2many73 · 01/04/2025 14:24

It could be that the kids with envelopes were called out by teacher to be handed the envelopes so came out together.
As an ex teacher we would give out if a few were invited, but if we got 28 invites and there was 32 kids we refused.
As a parent i suppose you can single out the odd kid but school should NOT be part if it.

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