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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my child go to a party ....

19 replies

donbean · 14/05/2008 21:01

when asked if he wanted to go he said yes when he got the invite.
Lots of warning in the days leading up to the party that it was on Saturday.
was kicking off on the day of the party because he was playing in the garden and didnt want to stop.
when we have said to the mum that yes we will be there??

My dad said "hmm, i would NEVER make my son go to a party if he was that upset"

  1. it would have ben the easiest thing in the world to give in and say ok, you dont have to go..
  2. what am i teaching him about honouring comitments 3)How would he feel if all the kids said that about his sons party and non turned up? 4)We all have to do things that we dont want to do....THAT IS LIFE I want to teach him this, not to pack in because he cant be bothered or is doing something else.
  3. you cannot let people down.

And breath.......

OP posts:
posieflump · 14/05/2008 21:07

goodness! why didn't he want to go? My ds loves parties!

joyfulspike · 14/05/2008 21:09

I don't think YABU

I haven't been in that position yet, but if ds mades a commitment to go, then he would go unless he's ill or there's some valid reason for not going. (Of course that might all change if he's rolling on the floor doing a diva strop!)

sarah293 · 14/05/2008 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PeaGreene · 14/05/2008 21:11

Did he enjoy it in the end?

LynetteScavo · 14/05/2008 21:11

donbean, I have gone through this scneario, so many times with ds1. NOt just with parties, for swimming lessons I've paid for etc.

I've learned you really can't force them to do something "fun" they don't want to. I also went through a stage of turning down most party invites, as I know he hates parties.

Othersideofthechannel · 14/05/2008 21:12

How old is he?

I don't think it is unreasonable to make him go but my experience with DS (who is always engrossed in something) is that even if the change in activity is to something pleasant, probably more fun, I have to give warnings well in advance of time to go and he will still make a fuss about it.

Did he enjoy when he got there?

Hulababy · 14/05/2008 21:14

I'd have made him go too - for reasons you give below.

constancereader · 14/05/2008 21:18

He made the decision to go in the first place, he wasn't made to go. I think that sticking to promises for the sake of other people is an important principle to teach. My only reservation would be if he was too little to understand that.

Original poster
donbean · 14/05/2008 21:21

He had a fab time when he was there, didnt want to go home!
He is 4.
Now then, i carefully choose the parties that he agrees to go to other wise we would be at them every week.
This one i asked him first and he was excited, he loves parties normally.
When the day came he was in the garden playing and so didnt want to stop his game....explained that he could play after the party...twas only 2 hours long and at lunch time so would have the whole afternoon to play.
All of his school pals were there.

it did occur to me that i was not considering his feeling raven BUT i still maintain that he needs to learn to consider others, this is very important.

OP posts:
Original poster
donbean · 14/05/2008 21:22

4 too young do you think?
he is 5 in July.

oh Dear God, feel awful now

OP posts:
tootiredtothink · 14/05/2008 21:28

Of course 4 is not too young.

Don't feel bad. How awful it would be if everyone let their dc's do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted??

He had a wonderful time at the party (which i am sure you knew he would?) and did the usual thing and didn't want that to end either. Then he was able to go back to his game in the garden. Perfect day for the little man IMO.

Othersideofthechannel · 14/05/2008 21:29

Well, if he enjoyed it when he was there then it is just a transition issue, isn't it?

DS is 5.2 and we wouldn't have left the house in the last year if we had always taken his feelings at the time of departure into account. We have only once had the situation where we forced him to go out and he didn't enjoy it. Turned out he was poorly but we didn't realise.

I think 4 is a good age to start to learn to put other people's feelings first occasionally, especially over fun things like parties.

posieflump · 14/05/2008 21:29

you did the right thing
he had a great time
let it go now, give yourself a break! xxx

constancereader · 14/05/2008 21:30

don't feel awful, four is not too young
you did the right thing imo

Original poster
donbean · 14/05/2008 21:31

Thanks girls xxxxxxx

gonna kick my dads ass at weekend when i see him.....judgmental pig!

OP posts:
wishfort · 15/05/2008 09:10

OP right to get the boy to do it. A commitment is commitment. Never too young to learn.

For what it's worth, a gel rocked up to Miss W's 5/6/7 party saying " I don't do party games".
"Oh yes you do" was my response. Fun all round.

Miaou · 15/05/2008 09:13

you did the right thing, for all the reasons you said

MummyDoIt · 15/05/2008 09:14

I think you did absolutely the right thing. He chose to go in the first place and he enjoys parties so you weren't forcing him to do something he would find unpleasant. Four is not too young to start learning that you don't disappoint other people.

belgo · 15/05/2008 09:15

I agree, he should go to the party. You did the right thing donbean.

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