Issue with child in class

[Rhiannon93]

I’m working as a TA in a primary school in year 1 and I’m honestly really struggling with the behaviour of one child. The class teacher is having the same issues and we’re not sure how to handle it all. It’s her first year teaching and I’ve been a TA for two years.

I’ve reached out to the head who just says to keep going as we are as there’s no budget for any additional help.
The child doesn’t have any SEN diagnosed right now but his parents are looking into Autism and an EHCP.

On top of that, honestly he seems like he’s never been told no or disciplined at all? He seems like he’s been taught that throwing a tantrum gets him what he wants.. He can switch very quickly when he gets what he wants and can be very skilled socially, sweet and polite. I know he’s obviously struggling, he’s a lovely little boy and I really like him so I want him to be comfortable at school and have a chance to learn.

However, he can’t take any instructions, everything is a battle. Even asking him to sit down on the carpet results in him screaming, running round the classroom and throwing things. It’s not just asking him to do things, he’ll ask myself and the teacher if he can do/have things at inappropriate times and if it’s not possible then he screams. The other day in assembly he got up and asked me if he could go and get some colouring and bring it back. I obviously had to say no as this wouldn’t be fair on the other children. I explained this but his response was to start screaming and I had to remove him from assembly anyway. I feel like all this did was reinforce his behaviour.

We’re now at the point where we’ve made a little den for him in the classroom and he spends most of his time in there, otherwise he’s just screaming and crying. Again, I can’t help but think this reinforces behaviour; if he throws a tantrum he gets to sit in his den. It’s helped a lot but it means he’s not participating in the class and honestly, whilst he’s a lot better emotionally, he deserves an education and to be able to participate. He really struggles in the afternoons and cries a lot for his mum. We often have to console him with cuddles.

We’re really just trying to keep him happy and calm but at the same time I feel it’s alienating him. We also have 26 other children in the class who are quite upset but his screaming.

Any tips at all? Mum picks him up 15 minutes early every day and either me or the teacher goes to talk to her about his day. She’s very sweet, receptive and involved.

Nobody said parenting doesn’t matter though?
A pp said don’t (automatically) blame parents. People sometimes assume that poor behaviour means poor parenting, when that’s often not the case at all if a child has additional needs.

Behaviour is a send issue. Depends if it’s parenting or not. I would think many strategies could be tried but he seems resistant to any form of request. I would definitely want part time for now if he’s not 5.

Parents looking for support from other parents who have some understanding. Though not on AIBU because all you get is the ‘they should learn not to have tantrums/everyone wants a label these days/in my day parenting was better and no one saw autism’ brigade answering. Bonus points for ‘blame Covid’ as we’ve seen on this thread. Having a professional coming to say they’re not well trained in their job is a whole other level, and I completely agree with the pp that it’s unprofessional.

OP did say this @Simplynotsimple -

I’ve already spoken to the head and SENDco. Told to keep going as we are and there’s no money for any extra support for him.

I would venture it’s not just the TA being unprofessional. The above indicates a huge problem with her workplace. She is trying to help, though I agree MN is not an ideal place to ask for guidance in this case.

@Simplynotsimple Ok. Should be in primary education then. But this forum is for school issues and has those specific sections. We don’t know the school!

This could have been an accurate description of at least 3 of the boys in my DD's primary class - she's about to sit GCSEs.

Every primary school in the country will have their fair share so there is nothing identifying in the OPs posts.