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Original poster

19 Year Old Son Binge Drinking

52 replies

SnappyOtter · 01/04/2025 09:16

Good Morning Everyone,

I will preface by saying myself and husband have a doctors appointment this afternoon for him.

We are a normal (ish) family. Teenage years he was very adverse to drink/smoking and drugs and was a gym boy. We did let him have the occasional drink at family parties at 17 but nothing major- he was very much the kid who tried something and said it tasted disgusting and chose not to have anymore.

However since he turned 18 and has been going out with friends to the pub and clubbing. Mentions his friends drug taking (he has said he isn't doing anything)...but he is drinking tons when he goes out. This has gone from a Friday night gradually to most of the weekend.

Today he has a massive exam at college- as in a this will be the final bit of him finalising his career exam so he will finish his apprenticeship. Last night he went out after college to see a friend for food. Came back at 9pm absolutely steaming drunk and told us that he needs a drink when he's stressed to help him go to sleep, was full of attitude about it as well. His nan bought him a bottle of whiskey for his birthday the other week and we saw it in the drawer and he has made his way through it sitting in his room on his own.

He's normally the most polite young man, I get comments on it all the time from everyone, but when he drinks, he's getting paranoid and extremely attitudy.

I maybe have a glass or two of wine once a month now as I also used to turn into a massive twat when I was drunk so I just stopped drinking as it was getting me in trouble when younger.

Before he became legally able to drink alcohol, I made him aware of dangers etc, I have tried to speak to him about myself and how he is carbon copy of how I got with drink at his age but he's just like yeah whatever....

My husband is thankfully very calm and is very strategic about doctors and then therapy if required, but my sons comment of it helps me sleep has terrified me.

As I said, we have a doctors appointment and the means thankfully for a therapist should that be required.

I think my question is has anyone else had a teenager who's gone through this? I literally had my friends intervene with me and a bad incident which made me point blank stop drinking. I don't want him to get to that point.

I have said today no more alcohol in the house, but he earns his own money and is 19 so I cannot ban him from going out.

OP posts:
Fropwfsc · 01/04/2025 17:42

My DS only started getting interested in alcohol in year 12. This was because at this time lots of people would talk about drinking, going to parties and as a result he had massive FOMO.

He's mostly been okay, but he had a scare where he threw up in his sleep once and as a result is very very careful not to binge anymore.

SalfordQuays · 01/04/2025 17:49

I can understand how you feel OP. My DS is 19, in his second year at uni, and I hate the amount of drinking they all do. I hate seeing him wasted when he's home in the holidays, and I hate the all-day drinking they sometimes do when they're going to the football or just a big day out. But sadly I think it's fairly normal at this age.

Does you DS sit and drink on his own in his bedroom? Because that would be a concern at his age, as it would show that he was struggling with mental health and medicating with alcohol.

But if he's just drinking socially, albeit excessively, I'm not sure what the GP can contribute. I'm a GP and we have no involvement in alcohol support at all. It's all dealt with by the alcohol support service in your area, which is usually self-referral.

Does your son think he has a problem?

Fropwfsc · 01/04/2025 17:54

DS did drink at university, only because he couldn't dance sober. But there should be moderation. Like maybe you have one big night out a week at university, don't do it everyday

bostonchamps · 01/04/2025 17:58

Fropwfsc · 01/04/2025 17:10

The MN response is that drinking this much at this age is perfectly normal and that they grow out of it

Because the majority of people do?

jackiesgirl · 01/04/2025 18:03

He’s 19, if he was at uni he’d be doing the same, you’re only seeing it because he’s there. It’s completely normal behaviour for a 19 year old, let him live and learn.

Cyclebabble · 01/04/2025 18:06

My DS went through a time when he did this and we were quite concerned. He used to get really drunk and had limited memories after of what he had done. On what occasion we had to drive into town after his friends called us as he was too drunk to move and the Police were showing an interest. This was 1.30 am. The good news is that within a couple of years he had completely grown out of it and now only drinks moderately. We did try and support him and when there were consequences (he as sick in my car), he did feel the cost, having to get it professionally valeted. In reality though, at this stage you can only guide you cannot direct. I hope it works out OP.

KimberleyClark · 01/04/2025 18:09

Lentilweaver · 01/04/2025 17:13

I haven't. And I don't think the OP is overreacting, though I am not sure the doctor and therapy will help.

Guess I am alone in this though. I didnt binge drink as a teen.

Show quote history

I didn’t either.

saveforthat · 01/04/2025 18:11

He is 19. Time to cut the apron strings. If he asks for your help then do so but don't go dragging him off to the doctors if he didn't suggest it

Jabberwok · 01/04/2025 18:12

Op I think you have an issue with your behaviour when drinking and one drunken conversation with your son who clearly knows your views and was trying to come up with an excuse for being drunk.

I am 56 and love a drink. I always have. I also worked for a major financial institution which had a work hard play hard mentality, booze was always involved and expected. I had a great time!

Me and my mates at his age drank like fishes. I once slept on the steps of a near by office building, woke up at 7 got a breakfast and went to work in the clothes I'd gone out in (thankfully straight from work)

Do I have a problem with alcohol, no, I have a part time job where for perhaps the 7 to 14 days I am on call 24/7. I could have a drink or 2 (I don't have to drive) but choose not to.

I think making an appointment for a 19 year old is a waste of the doctors time

OonaStubbs · 01/04/2025 18:20

I honestly think alcohol should be banned. It causes more harm and misery than all the illegal drugs put together.

Fropwfsc · 01/04/2025 18:32

bostonchamps · 01/04/2025 17:58

Because the majority of people do?

Show quote history

Doesn't necessarily mean it's a good thing though is it?

MugsyBalonz · 01/04/2025 18:56

I think you're overstepping. He's an adult, he's drinking at the weekend with his friends, he drank his alcohol birthday gift - none of this is alarming. Binge-drinking is relatively common at his age and is all part of the process of learning your limits that goes on in young adulthood (doesn't just apply to alcohol, I mean limits in all areas of life).

It's is overbearing in the extreme for you and your DH to book a GP appointment and therapy when he has not even asked for your help. He's not a child.

bostonchamps · 01/04/2025 18:58

@Fropwfsc there are loads of things teenagers do that aren't good things; that's how they learn and find their boundaries (and work out how to either avoid or cope with hangovers)

Lentilweaver · 01/04/2025 19:01

OonaStubbs · 01/04/2025 18:20

I honestly think alcohol should be banned. It causes more harm and misery than all the illegal drugs put together.

Oh good, someone who is even more straitlaced than me.😂

OonaStubbs · 01/04/2025 19:02

I would ban alcohol and legalize cannabis. I think there'd be a lot less problems if people got stoned instead of drunk.

x2boys · 01/04/2025 19:08

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/04/2025 10:16

I was shit faced all the time between 18-25.

Remember going to the Hacienda, getting drunk, going home and writing an essay. More than once.

I think you’re the problem not him.

Same but rock world i only went ti the Hacienda once 🤣.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 01/04/2025 19:13

Lentilweaver · 01/04/2025 17:13

I haven't. And I don't think the OP is overreacting, though I am not sure the doctor and therapy will help.

Guess I am alone in this though. I didnt binge drink as a teen.

Show quote history

Neither did I. Still ended up with a drink problem

BruFord · 01/04/2025 19:14

@MugsyBalonz Happy to be corrected, but can a parent book a doctor’s appointment for their adult child in the UK? Here in the US, you can’t unless they don’t have capacity. This actually annoys my DD (19) as she likes me to arrange appointments for her (she’s abit lazy in that regard 😂).

I was assuming that the OP encouraged her DS to make the appointment and he did it. Ofc, his parents may have pushed him into it….

MugsyBalonz · 01/04/2025 19:21

BruFord · 01/04/2025 19:14

@MugsyBalonz Happy to be corrected, but can a parent book a doctor’s appointment for their adult child in the UK? Here in the US, you can’t unless they don’t have capacity. This actually annoys my DD (19) as she likes me to arrange appointments for her (she’s abit lazy in that regard 😂).

I was assuming that the OP encouraged her DS to make the appointment and he did it. Ofc, his parents may have pushed him into it….

Yes, you can book appointments on behalf of other people.

OP can speak to GP about her concerns regarding her son but the GP won't give her any information about him due to patient confidentiality and is highly unlikely to actually do anything without the DS consent as he has capacity and isn't a danger to himself.

Ditto the therapist.

Unless OP is pressuring him to attend which is, frankly, shitty behaviour and controlling.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 01/04/2025 19:27

OonaStubbs · 01/04/2025 18:20

I honestly think alcohol should be banned. It causes more harm and misery than all the illegal drugs put together.

We already have problems with declining birthrate. Banning alcohol will rapidly turn a problem into a catastrophe.

BruFord · 01/04/2025 19:36

Thanks for explaining, @MugsyBalonz.

OonaStubbs · 01/04/2025 19:44

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 01/04/2025 19:27

We already have problems with declining birthrate. Banning alcohol will rapidly turn a problem into a catastrophe.

Show quote history

Stopping children being born due to drunken one night stands can only be a good thing, surely?

Fropwfsc · 01/04/2025 19:57

bostonchamps · 01/04/2025 18:58

@Fropwfsc there are loads of things teenagers do that aren't good things; that's how they learn and find their boundaries (and work out how to either avoid or cope with hangovers)

Having a one off regrettable binge I understand, but constantly repeating it?

MugsyBalonz · 01/04/2025 20:02

Fropwfsc · 01/04/2025 19:57

Having a one off regrettable binge I understand, but constantly repeating it?

Show quote history

It's part of being young and many, many young people do it. Comparatively few of them go on to be alcoholics.

No ties/commitments, very little responsibility, child-free, mortgage-free, freedom to socialise with their friends with very little forethought or planning required and - like it or not - alcohol is often part of that.

x2boys · 01/04/2025 20:11

Fropwfsc · 01/04/2025 19:57

Having a one off regrettable binge I understand, but constantly repeating it?

Show quote history

Thats what some teenagers/ young adults do i did loads of regreattable things when i was young ,i dont repeat that behaviour now im in my 50,s