To stop supporting DH

[staceysmom123]

DH went self employed a couple of years ago. It got off to a good start but business is railing off now and so is his income.

We’ve been living off my savings for a while now and I’m so stressed. I’m picking up extra hours where I can but I don’t want to leave a job I love that works well around DC.

AIBU to say I’ve had enough and that either our lifestyle changes (big house, holidays, cars, etc), or DH gets a job again?

DH is convinced things will pick up again but it’s been 12 months now, our savings will only last so long.

You clearly can’t afford the lifestyle if you’re eating into savings. What is your plan when the savings are all gone?

I would be stripping the holidays, cars and spending right back to essentials while he job hunts.

DH believes it won’t get to that point as business will pick up.

I want to move to smaller house, get rid of his PCP car, stop going away, etc. DH wants to continue as though nothing has happened, making me feel as though I’m controlling for not wanting to take money out of my saving account.

We’ve continued like this for a year, scraping by thanks to svaings.

You'd be mad to continue with the same lifestyle by using savings. It doesn't really matter what your DH thinks since he isn't contributing - so just stop using the savings and see where that leaves you.
His business is just an expensive hobby at the moment

You have a different definition of scraping by if it includes holidays and nice cars. If his income is reduced he needs to pull his belt in, what happens when your savings run out? Has he already burned through his own savings?

Ditch the car now, maybe when he realises his expensive hobby “business” is costing him things he values he’ll go get a proper job.

He's mad and irresponsible and so are you if you continue to accept this. For a year you have been taking on extra work and dug into your savings to fund his dreamproject. Enough is enough. If he has dreams he needs to work on them OUTSIDE a regular job that brings in money. I would be so resentful in your position and I would put a stop to this immediately. The cherry on the pie is him refusing to change his spending habits to the detriment of your savings. I'm fuming just reading this but the one who should explose by the unfairness, irresponsability, and the stupidity of his actions is you @staceysmom123 !

All luxuries stop right now until he's earning a fair share of household income.

PCP car and holidays paid for out of savings while he fannies around?

No no no. Get rid of the car today and start making steps to change the rest.

Its crazy
When you start a business you have to keep things really tight and make sure that you have money to live on, which I suppose in one way you do but you should only spend the minimum to eke it out.
If he hasn't made money for 12 months then its a hobby not a business and its time to stop and get a job

Of course he wants to carry on as you are in the hope his business will pick up, because it's your savings funding it.

I'd definitely be stopping all luxuries and extras now, and sending the car back.

Is there any reason he can't get some sort of job whilst he's waiting for business to pick up?

the PCP car is the first to go and it goes on notice today...

living in cloud cuckoo land and dragging you on his delusion.

His hobby isn't earning money, and hobby job is done on the side as well as a job. Get a job.

When DH started his business we didn't have a holiday for a year apart from a week by the seaside in The UK paid for by MIL
You have been as daft as him OP by enabling this, when DH didn't make any money in a year and wanted to put our savings in I told him to bugger off and get a job - he did!

He’s living in a dream world. It’s been 12 months already.

Easier said that done if the car is in £5k of negative equity!

unsure what the deleted comments were but please remember to be kind.

thanks to you that have replied, I worry that I’m being unreasonable

it doesn’t have to be an either or. He can keep his business going, but if he’s not earning presumably his work hours are down too. He can keep his own business and pick up a part time role elsewhere to pick up the slack

Of course you are right - He needs to work whilst business is poor. He can still keep it going, but if it’s not paying, it’s a hobby not a business. Time to stop with using savings for anything non-essential too.

Well, this. I

If business isn't good, then presumably he isn't that busy so he can take on a proper job and continue building business on the side.

even more reason for DH to get a job and stop faffing around with a business that isn't earning money whilst spending luke he's Elon Musk

He can at least get a part time job.

Set a time limit for his 'business' to pick up. If he's not bringing in money in 3 months time - he gets a job.
No more holidays until you can afford it.
Put your money in a fixed term savings account. Tell him you can't access the money.
Stop pretending life hasn't changed - if you carry on paying for everything, he has no incentive to get his business working. No takeaways, no meals out, no new clothes, no days out. He's got to feel the pain of his actions.

Stop using your savings!! He needs to grow up and get a job. You can’t keep financing his hobby.