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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old son with not much social life

26 replies

clairebear31 · 31/03/2025 22:44

I’m really worrying about my son lately. He had a group of mates at sixth form but they have other friends they hang out with he doesn’t know, so doesn’t get invited out with them much, does see other mates sometimes. He does play football, works part time, enjoys the gym etc. I just worry he’s lonely or left out? Or should I just let him be and stop worrying. He’s very close to his dad which is good and they do lots together and brother in law too. Help!!!

OP posts:
Anonymous2003 · 31/03/2025 22:46

As a young person this seems to be unfortunately quite normal. Not saying it's ideal but many people your son's age are in the same boat. I feel like online interactions have replaced genuine friendships and in person meetups unfortunately.

BlueMum16 · 31/03/2025 22:48

Sounds quite normal and healthy to me.

He's working, he's got a hobby, he's spending time with family.

What's the issue?

Original poster
clairebear31 · 31/03/2025 22:49

Yes I think I just need some reassurance that’s all!! He’s quite shy esp with girls too. Has been too a few parties etc though. I just can’t stop worrying

OP posts:
Littletreefrog · 31/03/2025 22:52

So he has friends at sixth form and friends or at least acquaintances at work and football and probably the gym. Sounds fine to me. I know a few 17/18 year olds and they definitely don't go on drunken nights out and house parties every weekend like we seemed to do at that age.

QueefQueen80s · 31/03/2025 22:52

BlueMum16 · 31/03/2025 22:48

Sounds quite normal and healthy to me.

He's working, he's got a hobby, he's spending time with family.

What's the issue?

This.
what do you want him to be doing OP?
Is he happy?

Original poster
clairebear31 · 31/03/2025 22:59

I’m not sure really. He seems happy although he’s a closed book doesn’t tell me anything! He has always been quite a homebody really. I think I have really low self esteem and anxiety and I just don’t want him to suffer that too. I don’t say anything or make it obvious I’m worrying

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 01/04/2025 00:34

So, he has friends at school, friends at football, he also goes to the gym, he also spends lots of time with his Dad and his BiL, as well as having a part time jobs, and (seemingly from your next post) gets invited to parties.

The issue is ........ ?

Lovelycupofcoffee · 01/04/2025 04:03

@clairebear31 I don’t think we ever stop worrying about our children but it sounds like your son is doing ok . Your son sounds like mine when he was 18 ( he’s now 21). I had to learn that they won’t tell you everything that’s going on in their lives and generally chill out a bit . Very hard for me as I’m also a worrier

springintoaction321 · 01/04/2025 06:02

Crikey - if that's all you're worried about. He sounds like he's doing fine!

Zanatdy · 01/04/2025 06:20

I think its fairly normal. My DD also at 6th form doesn’t go out much socially. DS didn’t either apart from to play sport. But at uni he was quite social and really enjoyed it. I am glad in a way she is a home bod but would like her to start socialising with friends a bit more.

Original poster
clairebear31 · 01/04/2025 07:59

Thanks all think it’s confirmed I’m just being over worrying here!! Will try and chill if I can haha

OP posts:
LadyIce2 · 01/04/2025 08:24

He seems to be socialising fine- remember some people are introverted and find parties/night on the town quite draining.

WhatNoRaisins · 01/04/2025 08:26

I think sixth form can be a really funny stage. A lot of people outgrow their friends from school but because they've got plans to go to uni in another part of the country they aren't that motivated to work on their social life at this point. Means pickings can be slim for those who do.

BrokenLine · 01/04/2025 08:29

clairebear31 · 31/03/2025 22:59

I’m not sure really. He seems happy although he’s a closed book doesn’t tell me anything! He has always been quite a homebody really. I think I have really low self esteem and anxiety and I just don’t want him to suffer that too. I don’t say anything or make it obvious I’m worrying

Well, the best thing you can do is to model healthy, mutually-sustaining friendships for him. Do you?

Original poster
clairebear31 · 01/04/2025 08:36

Yes I have some great friends, socialise and we have a big family too. I think I’m just a big worrier. And yes he’s changed and realised some of his mates esp one is a liar too

OP posts:
AFingerofFudge · 01/04/2025 08:44

My DS1 who is now 25 was like this as a teenager. Loved being at home and although had friends, rarely went out with them. DS2 is more likely to be in than out but does go out more than DS1. DS3, who is 16, is never in! Always out with various groups.
As long as they’re happy I think they’re ok. But it’s a parents job to worry - and I have worried about all of them and their social lives (or lack of!)!

Gherkintastic · 01/04/2025 09:15

I very much worry about the same thing as the op, my son who is in sixth form is the same. When I was in sixth form I was pretty shy and socially awkward, but I was out at parties, clubs, gigs etc., every week. Even at secondary he wasn't that sociable outside of school, but would at least have or go to the occasional sleepover or cinema trip.

BrieAndChilli · 01/04/2025 09:36

your son is way more sociable than my 18 year old!

He does have ASD traits but is very high functioning so consultant did not pursue a full diagnosis. He has never been sociable. He is in last year of 6th form and does not see anyone out of school. He does hangout with people at school (DD tells me) and a friend dropped him home the other day as has passed his test but the interaction at school is enough for him. He would rather be reading, drawing maps or other stuff. He never got into sports - team sports would be his ideas of hell but does a bit of climbing with DH. He also doesnt like alchohol - doesnt even like fizzy drinks so parties etc is not for him, he came home early from the school prom because the music was too loud!

I have learnt not to project my ideal social life onto him and I would worry more if he seemed lonely or wanted to be included. I am hoping when he goes to uni he finds others like him! He has said he wants to apply for one of the 'quiet' flats

Schoolchoicesucks · 01/04/2025 09:50

I think it sounds as though he has "enough" social interactions. You are struggling to stop projecting your view of what his social life "should" be like at this age. I do this too. It's really hard. If he's happy with what's going on then let him get on with it.

ItGhoul · 01/04/2025 10:32

Honestly, let him be.

Not everyone is super sociable. There's this idea that teenagers have to be desperate to be out with their mates all the time and doing stuff, but not everyone wants or needs that. It doesn't mean he's lonely/weird/sad. If he's happy, it's all good.

Original poster
clairebear31 · 01/04/2025 11:45

It’s so hard isn’t it this stage x

OP posts:
Tbuck77 · 01/08/2025 18:51

clairebear31 · 31/03/2025 22:44

I’m really worrying about my son lately. He had a group of mates at sixth form but they have other friends they hang out with he doesn’t know, so doesn’t get invited out with them much, does see other mates sometimes. He does play football, works part time, enjoys the gym etc. I just worry he’s lonely or left out? Or should I just let him be and stop worrying. He’s very close to his dad which is good and they do lots together and brother in law too. Help!!!

I completely understand, I feel exactly the same about my son. He’s very shy, goes out occasionally but a lot of his friends go out with other friends so doesn’t always gets invited. But I’m not sure if 18 year olds are as sociable anymore!!

Tbuck77 · 01/08/2025 18:57

clairebear31 · 01/04/2025 11:45

It’s so hard isn’t it this stage x

I hate it and I know he’d like to do a bit more!
nice to know I’m not the only one feeling this way!

TenaciousDeeds · 01/08/2025 20:29

I have two late teens who are similar, and I think it’s because there is just so much available now to enable being an introvert - gaming, online communities, TikTok etc.

I’m an introvert, but when I was their age I had no choice but to be out with all the extroverts (who’s modern day equivalent are carrying on as normal). Staying at home would have meant watching TV with my parents.

I was in our busy town centre with my DD a few weeks ago, and towards the end of the afternoon she said (laughingly) that she was getting FOMO for home!

They both have a small group of close friends that they’re happy to see about once a week, but it’s around specific activities that bind them.

TenaciousDeeds · 01/08/2025 20:39

And to anyone saying that’s not as valid as real human connection, I tend to disagree. I witnessed the vacuous and toxic banter that often went on when my DCs were hanging out with larger groups at a younger age.

In contrast, my DD is on a few Sub-Reddits related to a popular game, and most of the ‘conversations’ she tells me about seem strangely more authentic than many of the real life ones she had with her former friend group.

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