My husband (31M) and I (29F) are due our first baby any day now and throughout my pregnancy, my sister-in-law (35F) has been seriously crossing my boundaries. For reference, my husband and his family are Chinese but him and SIL were both born in UK. Since we’ve been married, his parents have said things like “Does she know she needs to put our family first before anything?” and have made comments about my own family and upbringing. My SIL has also said things like “You are part of OUR family now”. I’ve not had much of an issue with comments like these as I just chalked it up to strict Asian culture, but since being pregnant - it’s been really bugging me.
Since we announced our pregnancy, his mum and sister have both been on my case about what I can/can’t eat, what I can/can’t do, how to sit, how to dress, the list goes on. As if I haven’t researched and read up everything myself. They both also said “Don’t buy her clothes and tell your mum and sisters not to because we’ll buy all her clothes.” when it is the first grandchild on my side of the family too! And would I not like to dress my own child?! They’ve nagged at me several times to just formula feed so they can help feed her too, when I’ve expressed that it’s important for me to breastfeed my baby. SIL even bought and gifted a bottle set to push it on me even after I’ve said no to formula.
Every time his sister has asked to hear what names we have in mind, she’s been highly opinionated “Ew! You can’t name her that!” “No that name is disgusting!” “You should name her ” and so on. Oh, she also said “What are we naming OUR baby?”. So I genuinely think she thinks it’s her baby. For reference, she’s never been in a relationship before and still lives with her parents, she and their parents believe she will never get married and have her own family so I can sympathise with her feeling like she’s living through us with this baby. She’s a primary school teaching assistant and has made comments like “Don’t make her princessy, make her more tomboy.” “She better be born before the Easter holidays so I can come over and spend time with her.” “I can’t wait until summer holidays now so I can come over everyday to spend time with my baby niece.” and has a lot of opinions on how we should raise our child because of her job. The other day at dinner, she was placing her hands all over my stomach whilst I was eating. I told her she’s not moving and I’m eating and she didn’t stop. I felt so uncomfortable and my husband laughed it off.
To top it off, she very recently put down a deposit for a flat round the corner from our house and my husband said to her she cannot come over unannounced to which she replied “I absolutely can and will.” I lost it and said to my husband I am not happy with the things she’s been saying and how she plans to come over “everyday” and he said just to ignore her and he will tell her when and if she comes over. I don’t have hope of this as his family has came over several times without a call or text and many times I’ve been in the house alone or sleeping and been woken up to them at the door. I understand he probably can’t see what the problem is as he is used to how overbearing his family is, but it is seriously making me upset and stressed out. I’m scared for when my baby is born as I feel like his family think they own her like they own me. I’m at my wits end and I don’t want to cause family drama, especially during such a special time of our baby arriving but I’m about to lose it! How do I deal with this best? Am I just being overly sensitive?