What would you do in this situation?

[GJD23000]

I am looking for some advice.

My six year old is ‘friends’ with a little girl at school and they appear to have a rather complicated relationship. They are both desperate to be friends with another little girl and have formed a little ‘three’. Sometimes they play well together, often they are nippy towards eachother. I tend to stay out of it, choosing to believe that if there were any real issues the teachers would deal with it but today my little girl came home in tears telling me that the girls mum (and gran!) had said to her that they hated my little girl and didn’t want them to ever have play dates. This is about the third time this little girl has said this to my daughter.

So my question is - do I leave it? Do I ask the school to deal with it (which they have ‘sort of’ done before) Or do I just directly txt the mum and try and sort this once and for all? Chat GPT (😆) has wrote me a very good message to send her which comes across very well but… am I pushing boundaries by doing this? Thanks in advance!!

I do not think texting the mum would be wise if there is a possibility she indeed said those things.
But which little girls mother was it, the one your daughter was already friends with, or the third girl last added to the group?
My girl also struggled sometimes when with 3 girls, I prefer even numbers.
But do I understand what happened correctly; they both said this to her face when she was on a playdate at their house? Thats more than cruel, she is better off without such people in her life.

So sorry I just read that back and it didn’t make much sense! So my DD and girl number 1 are good friends and get on really well but the girl in question, let’s call her girl number 2 forms the three and DD and girl 2 bicker as they both want to be ‘best friends’ with girl no.1! Girl 2 said this to my DD today in the playground, about her mum.

Pretty sure this is a 6 year old being mean and not her mother and gran saying they hate a 6 year old girl. I would tell your DD to find other people to play with because people who are our friends do not do unkind things like that. If you feel it's necessary talk to the teacher, don't message the other mum unless you know her well

Her mother and grandmother are unlikely to even know who your daughter is.

The girl wants to exclude your daughter and have the mutual friend to herself.

Bring it up with the teachers but otherwise stay out of it. Encourage DD to make new friends. A lesson, perhaps.

At most, they probably said something like “don’t play with her then if you don’t get on”. I wouldn’t bother contacting their parents. If it’s a recurring issue, then speak to the teacher again or arm your daughter with some stock phrases she can say when this girl is being unkind.

Thanks all. I will be totally honest, I have met the mum and gran a few times and really wouldn’t put it past them to say something like that about my DD, they appear quite immature. The little girl and my DD have had some ongoing issues. I tell her all the time to play with other people but she is such good friends with girl no.1 (the other girl in the 3) she refuses, it’s annoying because she actually has a lot of friends in the year!! Thank you for the advice :)

Don't message the mum.

The dd is likely to have said "X was being nasty to me today when I was trying to play with Y" and the Mum probably said to stay away from X because she doesn't sound kind, or similar.

If there are issues at school then always go to the school to sort it out, messaging parents rarely ends well.