Teens and drugs

[Cannaeberught]

DC has a close friend, known from infant school, now in different high schools but still meet up pretty regularly. Now both 15. Friend has always been a bit of a handful, in trouble a school etc. we’re friends with the parents, who are a bit lefty MC but nice.

Had lunch last week, all of us, and the parents said they know/suspect their kid is taking ‘class A’s’ their words, not mine.
They don’t seem that bothered, have said not much they can do and have ‘talked’ to their DC about drugs and said they’d rather they don’t do it but at least try to know their limits, not over do it.

AIBU to think they should try a bit harder to prevent the child from taking drugs??? I’d be horrified if my D.C. was at this age. And would put consequences in place, freeze pocket money etc not just be ah well. Kids will be kids????

For context - the parents both grew up doing that kind of thing in a big city, DH and I are country bumpkins who grew up playing sports and barely even drank til we were well past 18.

YABU - lighten up, teens do this sort of thing. 15 is old enough to handle it.

YANBU - Of course 15 is too young to be taking drugs etc.

And obvs I’m worried about my teen getting influenced but generally they have different friendship grps- with this friend being in with the ‘cool’ older kids.

I think it’s good that they are able to talk openly about it.
I was taking drugs at that age, parents had no idea at all. They were bumpkins.

incidently what is it about them being lefty middle class but nice?

I’m just struggling to see how/why this is the norm - or is it- and why they wouldn’t be more concerned.

You sound like you look down upon the family in general. If the parents knew how judgemental you are then I doubt they'd raise the subject with you again.

Ecstacy is a class A. Lots of teens do that sometimes I think, at weekends? I'd be concerned if it was heroin but that would be concerning for any age. But at 15 lord knows how they'd find the money to support a habit? It's also not like you personally can stop the kid from doing it.

Anyway, I don't really know what you can do or say. Other than try and ban your kid from seeing him if you think he's a bad influence. But I get the feeling that could backfire.

‘Ecstacy is a class A. Lots of teens do that sometimes I think, at weekends? ’

oh that’s okay then. My bad, so long as ‘lots’ of teens are doing it on weekends it must be okay …

I have teens and I would be horrified to find this out and yes I would be stepping in to stop it. My eldest is 15 - I know where he is at the weekends and he’s definitely not taking drugs!!

Lots of teens take drugs, but it’s certainly not the norm at 15, at least not where I live. More by 17/18, drinking and Uni age. I agree it’s good they can have conversations about it, but I would not be happy with my 15 year old taking class As quite frankly.

Was beginning to think it was just me!

I was taking drugs at 15.
I really hope my children don't.

I think by trying to ban it you just make it more desirable really. Teens that age are often actively LOOKING for ways to challenge parents authority and do things that are ‘forbidden’ and rebel. If they have an ounce of resourcefulness about them (which you hope they would at 15!) freezing pocket money will have no difference except teaching them to lie to you and hide it better.

I feel the best way to approach it is have lots of age appropriate discussions about drugs as they grow. Show them (not just about drugs) that there are pros and cons, and in your opinion - and that of a lot of people, and the law - the cons outweigh the pros. So many parents just ignore it as a topic or ‘ban’ something - if a teen is considering something, what their parent thinks or ‘rules’ are WAY down on the list of things to think about. You need to give them good reasons other than just ‘because I said so’ - that doesn’t tend to work at 15.

I wasn’t taking drugs at that age, DH was (weed) but wishes he hadn’t now. My DD is almost 14 and not taking anything, and we’ve talked about it with her quite a lot. I would be horrified and take action if she were taking “class As” at 15. However your post comes across as a bit judgmental of the other parents “MC lefty”! Their child isn’t your business really is it? Maybe they think they would rather keep communicating openly with their child rather than them hiding things?

My DS has admitted to be he's smoked weed twice at university in his first year but would never touch anything harder. I would teens definitely judge people doing MDMA, ketamine and cocaine and think they haven't been raised properly.

MN is a terrifying place. Apparently the teenagers are all drinking, taking drugs and having sex and it's all normal.

YANBU.

Whatever happened to "just say no" it feels like some people have gone too far the other way and are totally chilled about a 15yo taking drugs!

Holy crap, society is in trouble if we genuinely think drugs at 15 are okay.

My 16yo doesn't touch drugs, she doesn't drink alcohol and we have always been very staunch in our advice to the kids to not touch drugs full stop. If they ever did, they would not be allowed out the house and would have zero access to money.

Exactly. DS tells me he did feel tempted because a girl he had a massive crush on in 6th storm started taking drugs after she turned 18, but he's glad he's resisted the temptation.

I definitely agree with the advice to speak to your child about drugs and the reasons why they concern you. I'd also be open about the fact that you've heard their friend is dabbling and that it worries you- but with reasons why you would be worried. It sounds like the friend may be mixing with a 'cooler' crowd than your DC so there's a possibility that whatever you think your DC may see what they do as aspirational. I'd talk about what's involved in getting drugs to users (gangs, forced labour, recruiting children as runners etc) as well as health risks (not just the risk of addiction/overdose but also not knowing what's really in whatever you take).

I'd also be concerned about a 15 year old regularly hanging out with older kids. As well as drugs, alcohol etc I think there's a good chance that they could be vulnerable to coercion. Not many older teens want to hang around with a 15 year old.

I say this from the point of view of having known people who at 15 got in to drinking and drugs with older teens and it had lasting consequences. One who was 'encouraged' to take increasingly hard drugs and ended up with a serious addiction that took until his 40s to overcome, one who developed serious mental health issues, one who whilst under the influence was sexually exploited and one who lost his life in a car accident whilst being driven by a 'cool' older friend who was also high. All of these people (friends and family members) were from 'nice' families and with parents who rather naively just saw it as a bit of harmless teenage rebellion and nothing like the 'bad' drugs that you see on TV being taken by people who grew up on tough estates. I'm sure loads of people will say they had some wild teenage years and it was just fun, but my experience is that those who are doing these things as young as 15 are very vulnerable.

I don’t think 15 year olds have the physical and mental capacity to handle drugs and alcohol. Many adults don’t and they’re fully grown.

Absolutely agree. The blasé attitude to 15 year olds taking class A drugs is bizarre to me. However my kids are little, so I have no clue how to approach this. Following for advice!

I think part of the issue is relativity to one’s own upbringing and whether or not parents believe that certain choices “did them any harm”.

When some parents say that things like this are inevitable, a rite of passage for teens, nothing we can do to stop them, etc, what they really mean is that it’s normal in their world and aligns with their experiences. They didn’t encounter anything so negative as to shock them into feeling differently at the time.

I don’t have experience of drugs or smoking or alcohol but I do with travel. I acknowledge that because I travelled without negative experiences, I am more laid back about travel with my children. Had I experienced something negative I know I wouldn’t be so encouraging or as happy to let them wander.

But I imagine most of the people on here who are aghast have not had any bad experience in drugs because they never tried them. That’s what it sounds like the op is saying anyway

Not just MN though, all of SM let's you see what's outside of your own social bubble . I'm constantly in a state of astonishment at things that are normal on here that isn't in my experience and I mix in many different circles.

Long may he continue to resist 🤞🏾. There are enough challenges for young people to navigate without adding drugs to the mix.

True. I'm keeping everything crossed that we continue to be astonished. 15 is just too young for many of these vices, and drugs should be just always be a no.

I am fairly sure my DS at 15 was experimenting with this stuff. He was getting it at college (and before anyone says 15 is too young for college, no it's not, he was on a 14-16 course at a local college for Y10 and Y11 as he fell out of school in Y8).

I never knew for sure although I had my suspicions. He has subsequently said he was.

I just tried to keep the lines of communication open. I stressed the fact it was unsafe and illegal - and getting caught with anything and being prosecuted could result in no trips to US or Disney in the future as he may not be allowed in to US, which was something that mattered to him at the time. I think I printed out the entry requirements and stuck them on his wall.

But mostly I stressed he was loved and I would be devastated if something happened, so if ever he took something and then felt unwell, he HAD to tell me and get treatment.

I was extremely unhappy about him possibly taking stuff, but I didn't want him to end up thinking he couldn't say anything if he needed help.

It's hard OP. What you think you might do or say when it is theoretical is often not what you do or say when you are actually dealing with it.

I started doing class as at 13-14, smoking heroin by 17. My parents were both addicts but always said dont do drugs. Only reason i stopped was because i found out i was pregnant and didnt want to be like my parents. 12 years later “picket fence vibe” lifestyle. The “dont do drugs because I said so” line seldom works.

My son is now 12. I would be distraught if he was taking class as at 15. I know a lot of kids will experiment, and as opposed to saying “drugs are bad dont do them end of discussion!” Have instead gone the route of “dont do drugs, these can be the consequences, BUT if you do, do it safely, test what youre getting, dont do pills, have a safe person (ideally me) that you can call, think about where youre doing them” etc because IF they do and a lot will at least be safe with it, too many kids die because they get stuff thats cut or they get stuff thats too strong. at the moment hes very anti drugs but because hes young I never know (i was anti drugs at that age then someone offered me a line of mdma)

parents should 1000000% try to get their kids not to take drugs, and put in consequences if they find out they are so youre 100% right. Its neglect if theyre not imo. Same with drinking in all honesty.