Talk me out of feeling threatened!

[SpringCalling]

My partner and I have been together 3.5 years. Before that he was married for 12 years, their marriage broke up when his wife had an affair.lt was about 6 years ago now. She has lived with her affair partner since just after covid.
They have two late teens together so still in contact. Anyway I heard today that she had just kicked her partner out. And am feeling ridiculously discombobulated by this. He never chose to end the relationship, she did by having that affair. I have to admit to a feeling of dread. Please talk me down! Or not if it’s a natural worry …. AIBU to feel threatened?

If he's that easily swayed I'd pack his bag for him. A faithless man has no value.

Unpick your logic. You think that now that his ex is single again, your partner will want to go back to her, because he didn't choose to end the relationship, she did, by having an affair with the man she's now ended things with?

Yes I guess that's my fear - if she hadn't had an affair then they would still likely be married. I know from conversations with him he 100% expected to be together for all their lives.

Would it put your mind at rest to have an open and honest conversation with him?

I get where you're coming from, but I also think you're being unreasonable and catastrophising. If it were me, I would have to verbalise it to him, not even really to hear him say back "I wouldn't go back to her if she paid me" but just to hear how silly it is to think he'd go back if she offered.

I don't think it's weird to think that a once-married man expected to be with his wife for life tbh!

Before I met him DH had a brief affair with a married woman (he was single at the time). They kept in very vague contact afterwards but then the very week we were getting married she popped up to say she’d left her husband. I was very suspicious (of her) and the timing but I’m glad to say nearly 4 years later he barely mentions her.