Can you ever forgive name calling in a relationship?

[Shouldbestudyingg]

I’m planning to leave my marriage after years of name calling in arguments, disrespect and vile behaviours. He’s stopped stooping so low in arguments and is much more reasonable these days. He says he’s matured and we’ve both grown up. He’s stopped name calling and the worst he’s said recently is that “You don’t know what planet you are on half the time.” Which I had to pull him up on.

Can you ever forgive name calling in a marriage? The things he’s called he over the years will stay with me forever. Leaving feels harsher somehow as he’s stopped name calling and day to day things are okay, we get on fine. Telling him is going to feel like it’s coming out of the blue as he thinks everything is lovely and happy. He’s even mentioned renewing our vows ffs!

Thanks for reading.

I think it really all depends on your relationship & your own boundaries.

Would you consider going to counselling with him to help you process your feelings about this and resolve the residual resentment that you have?

No, especially if they're misogynist names. Name calling is emotional abuse and a sign of contempt.

You’ve suffered years of abuse. You’re not obliged to stay with an abusive man just because he’s ‘mellowed’ over the years.

Has he really 'grown up'? Or has he trained you out of saying or doing anything which might result in him calling you names?

It sounds like he’s making an effort at the minute to reel you back in when you’d finally had enough of the abuse. He’s trying now, but I’d bet my house that it would all start again once you’d agreed not to leave him. The renewal of marriage vows sounds like
manipulation to me.
Sorry you’re going through this OP, but people who love you do not routinely call you awful names.

You can leave a marriage for whatever reason you want. Is your DH a good partner in other ways?

I don’t think he’s necessarily changed, I don’t love him anymore and after speaking to a counsellor it was refreshing to simplify my reasons for leaving instead of analysing his behaviours over the years.

No obvious names for a while but when he did it would be names like retard, imbecile, bunny boiler, psycho and c!nt among many others. I just can’t move past that even though he’s stopped.

LTB. ASAP. Life is short.

I’ve been there, it’s awful. Get him out of your life and move on.

I hope he has the life he deserves.

He's killed the love you had for him with his vile behaviour. You are totally justified in leaving, because you don't love him any more.

"names like retard, imbecile, bunny boiler, psycho and c!nt among many others. "

I was going to ask what sort of names but now you've listed them the answer is no, I could not forgive this. Every time I looked at him I'd despise him or be on edge waiting for him to start again. If this is his level after many years, I really don't see how he can just stop. Besides, the damage is done. He clearly thinks you're a cunt or an imbecile. Leave the nasty piece of work.