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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would it be wrong to distance myself from my friend because she reminds me of my mum?

4 replies

Pawpawparie · 31/03/2025 10:23

When I was younger, I thought it was normal to have a mum who constantly puts her kid down, shouts/screams, etc. Basically a ticking time bomb: You never knew who you were dealing with from one day to the next, so I was always on edge and learnt unhealthy ways to cope from a young age. I spent time with other people and the mum)family and saw how different they were and often wondered "Why are they happy?". Happy was a foreign concept for me to understand.

It took me a long time to understand that my home environment was not healthy, especially my mum and I managed to get out and haven't seen her since. I have no idea if she is still living in the same area or if she's dead and to be honest, I'm content with not knowing.

I have spoken to medical professionals to better understand myself and how I can manage things.

I made friends with this woman through work and she seemed great. When she left the workplace we stayed in touch. She was aware of what the relationship with my mum was like.

I noticed only time that she did or said things that felt familiar. She constantly needed attention and she would point out my appearance (and others) and would be the 'victim' if anyone said anything negative to towards her. She has to be right and would stare at you in this cold way until you agreed with her and would criticize anything I said. I have some difficulties with pronouncing certain words, but you can still understand what I am saying and she 'correct me'. She has on some occasions, mocked me in front of her family and laugh about it. Her family don't laugh they just look uncomfortable. She has done other things, but it would take a while to write them all down.

I realized that I was slipping back into my old ways of feeling and made the connection that this friend was exactly like my mum except in physical appearance.

Since then I have been trying to distance myself from her because I don't want to go back to that place. I have had a mix reaction from some people. Some have said she isn't my mum and should still have her in my life and others have said to distance myself from her because she will make me go back to a dark place

OP posts:
BrokenLine · 31/03/2025 10:24

You don’t ever have to see anyone you don’t want to see. You don’t want to be around her, so don’t.

HolyStyleFailBatman · 31/03/2025 10:28

Even if you had a completely different kind of mother, this person doesn't sound like she brings anything positive to your life. So I would close off this relationship for that reason.

Sorry to hear you had a crap mother, that's very sad.

Mnetcurious · 31/03/2025 10:28

You don’t have to be friends with anyone you don’t want to be friends with. Sounds like this is a difficult relationship for you and you have no reason to see her as you’re not colleagues anymore or part of the same friendship group, etc. Feel free to let the friendship end.

HolyStyleFailBatman · 31/03/2025 10:29

Also, watch out for whoever is trying to pressure you to continue the friendship. What are they gaining from that?

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