AIBU to be running out of sympathy a little over friend’s move?

GRex · 31/03/2025 10:17

If it were my friend, I would send links to where she can buy the stuff in Australia. And remind her that flights go in both directions, so she can come home if she wants to.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 31/03/2025 10:18

asking for visits

Blimey. That’s asking a lot, financially 🤯.

Why did she move there? Were they good (at the time) reasons?

NotDarkGothicMama · 31/03/2025 10:19

YANBU. Asking for you to spend money on packages is really cheeky. Point her to "British food in Australia" websites and local expat groups.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2025 10:19

Start saying no and pull back from her a bit. If that doesn’t work then remind her she’s there by choice, she can come back if she’s so miserable and you’re not her mum.

MichaelandKirk · 31/03/2025 10:20

I went to Oz recently and yes - things are more expensive there but you arent some sort of Amazon service! Its a long long way and it sounds like she is having regrets moving

BlondeMummyto1 · 31/03/2025 10:20

Come home then..
You made this choice..
No I can’t send any more packages unfortunately (Is she covering all costs?)

MinnieCoops · 31/03/2025 10:20

i can’t think of anything you can’t buy in Australia tbh. She’s taking the piss

JHound · 31/03/2025 10:22

PetuniaPie · 31/03/2025 10:15

I have a friend who moved to Australia 20
months ago.

It was her choice but she’s having a hard time adapting which is understandable. However she’s constantly complaining to me about it and asking for packages to be sent and asking for visits and she doesn’t stop complaining. I don’t mind listening to her sometimes but not nearly every day. And I’m tired of sending packages. I’m sure there are stores there where her favourite items are available even if not her preferred brand.

AIBU to be a little tired of her constant complaints about life there and missing people. I appreciate that it’s difficult but no one forced her to move and there are limits.

Des she use Facebook? There is a page on there called “Ping Pong Poms” that she could benefit from joining.

Recommend she join and tell her different people find the move to Oz very different. I found it a breeze but some find it incredibly isolating, difficult and not what they expected. The homesickness is also a challenge. That group has lots in the same mindset both ways (moving to Oz or back to the UK.)

Tell her this is not something you can assist her with having never experienced it and you find it difficult dealing with her constant venting. But she can join that group and vent away to her heart’s content. And she needs to stop requesting packages. Maintaining that link to the UK will just make her feelings worse.

I say it takes two years at least to settle in anywhere.

Passwordsaremynemesis · 31/03/2025 10:24

She is taking the piss. I live in Oz and you can get most stuff here now, although you might pay a premium.Although that would still be cheaper than you posting it! She needs to embrace the joy of a Violet crumble or Caramello koala and get over herself.

BrokenLine · 31/03/2025 10:27

Just say ‘X, you’re clearly miserable. Either give it up as a bad job and return home, or give it some proper effort. Moaning to me isn’t going to make anything better. You can buy teabags at this link.’

Original poster

PetuniaPie · 31/03/2025 10:28

She wants mainly M&S and Waitrose food.

She moved because she had an opportunity and was having a hard time and thought it would solve her problems, which unsurprisingly it didn’t.

I do have some sympathy. I have another friend there who is also having a hard time adapting. She married an Australian and just had a baby. She’s struggling too and asks for visits but she’s less intrusive and I think that she had less choice as she and her husband had to pick one of their countries to live in so someone was always going to miss out. It’s easier for this friend to return.

OP posts:

mugglewump · 31/03/2025 10:31

She has been there almost two years! It's about time she started to integrate and absorb the Australian way of life. I would tell her this and say no more packages except for birthdays and Christmas. If she is feeling really bad, she should see her doctor in Aus and perhaps get ADs so she can being proactive about living her life there. She is never going to be happy if she is continually harping back to England.

martinisforeveryone · 31/03/2025 10:33

I think if you move to somewhere that things are quite different, you have to do your very best to embrace those differences, not constantly hark back to what you had before. I don't know if it sounds like your friend's open to making new favourites though, or if it's what she wants to hear.

Original poster

PetuniaPie · 31/03/2025 10:34

I’ve suggested that she give it another 4 months then return if it isn’t for her. She said that she’d be embarrassed to lose face but I don’t see why she should be. There’s no shame in admitting that it isn’t for her if that’s how she feels imo.

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TheSandgroper · 31/03/2025 10:38

She’s making your wallet her petty cash and that’s definitely cf territory.

It’s time for some tough love. Perhaps start by asking “so, what have you done this week?” And simply keep asking until she sees that replying “nothing” all the time does nothing but make her look stupid.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2025 10:39

BrokenLine · 31/03/2025 10:27

Just say ‘X, you’re clearly miserable. Either give it up as a bad job and return home, or give it some proper effort. Moaning to me isn’t going to make anything better. You can buy teabags at this link.’

Good message

BatchCookBabe · 31/03/2025 10:42

BrokenLine · 31/03/2025 10:27

Just say ‘X, you’re clearly miserable. Either give it up as a bad job and return home, or give it some proper effort. Moaning to me isn’t going to make anything better. You can buy teabags at this link.’

Yep this. ^ And she's asking you to keep visiting @PetuniaPie ? How is that even possible??? It's Australia, not 50 miles up the road!

Wouldn't move to Oz if you paid me, and I know a number of people who've gone, and deeply regretted it. So I can understand her anguish. But it's not your problem.

andfinallyhereweare · 31/03/2025 10:47

You posted before and got a lot of good advice….

Original poster

PetuniaPie · 31/03/2025 10:51

andfinallyhereweare · 31/03/2025 10:47

You posted before and got a lot of good advice….

I have never posted about this friend before.

OP posts:

Original poster

PetuniaPie · 31/03/2025 10:55

Yes. She’s asked for visits which I’m not interested in but the packages are I think more important to her. She didn’t pay at first but I stopped as she wasn’t. Now she’ll pay but I can’t be bothered going to M&S and Waitrose to buy food and other little things that she wants and going to the post office. I’ll happily do it for her birthday and Christmas but that’s it.

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andfinallyhereweare · 31/03/2025 11:05

@PetuniaPie haha so strange someone posted a thread about a friend who can’t settle in oz and is often complaining!

WaryHiker · 31/03/2025 11:16

Tell your friend it's very common to have huge amounts of homesickness at six months and two years as the honeymoon period wears off. I've lived in loads of different countries and this has always been true. It was great advice that someone gave me when I was much younger, so I recognised it when it happened. It's really worth sticking it out into that third year and getting into the rhythms and rituals of your new life and appreciating the things you have in your new place that you didn't have in your old place.

I moved to Australia a decade ago and assimilated very easily and would now never want to live anywhere else. But I did have a lot of practise at living in many different countries first, so I had got the hang of the toughing it out bit.

Advise her to join some local groups and develop some routines so she has something to look forward to each week. There are plenty of Mumsnetters out here who I am sure would be only too happy to help.

It isn't necessarily the best thing for her to turn around and go home. But if she does get to that point, it's always best to walk away, having given it a good chance, rather than to run away in panic and possibly regret it for the rest of her life.

Kurokurosuke · 31/03/2025 11:16

Can I recommend British Cravings

https://britishcravings.com/

I live abroad and use this website, especially for seasonal stuff (actually I just had an Easter delivery today). The also do quite a bit of M&S stuff.

Not cheap, but essential for Marmite top ups and now I don’t have to hassle my poor family.

Caroparo52 · 31/03/2025 11:32

Stop pandering to her. Say sorry no can do as I need to cut back on my time and energy and expenses.
Just stop throwing more wood on the flames.
She needs to grow up and accept the consequences of Her decisions.
And either make it work out there ir come home.

HellDorado · 31/03/2025 18:30

I do wonder how many people who dream of a move to Australia (like those you see on Wanted Down Under) buy so heavily into the idea that it’s this sun-drenched paradise that they don’t properly consider just how hard an international relocation is - or that no country is perfect. I used to see the same on here with Canada (not so much now), which would be described in almost utopian terms.

I watched an interview with an Australian actor called Alan Hopgood, who was in both Prisoner Cell Block H and Neighbours, a few years ago. He said the location filming schedule on Neighbours could be relentless when you got a good run of sunny days, as no one knew when the weather might turn. Neighbours made us think everyone in Melbourne lived in bikinis and Speedos all the time, but apparently Prisoner - where you quite often see cloudy or rainy weather - gives a far more realistic impression of that part of the country.