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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex being a complete *****

22 replies

Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 08:52

So, yesterday I booked a Mother’s Day meal for 5pm as he promised the kids we be back for 4 from camping with him and his gf. Got to 6pm and he still wasn’t back so I had to cancel, I then asked him if he was sending the child maintenance money and he said he will send it when he gets a minute, still nothing, I called him again to remind him that the children have PE today so I needed their PE kit, he then said it’s like all I have done is think about him as I rang him. What the actual hell!

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 31/03/2025 08:55

There's always a reason why they are the ex.... maybe buy two lot's of pe outfits if possible. Then you will always have a spare set at yours in case he doesn't return it.

RedHelenB · 31/03/2025 09:06

CMS so you avoid having to ask him for the money. And tell him an earlier time next year so the dc are dropped off on time.

DingDongDenny · 31/03/2025 09:13

I can't believe someone thinks you are being unreasonable. It's sounds to me like he enjoys messing you around on purpose and I guess Mother's Day was a great opportunity for this

Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 09:25

Oh he absolutely loves it. Why on earth would he think that me calling him asking for money shows that I still care? That’s just bizarre! It’s like he likes me ringing him as he still doesn’t send it

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Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 10:01

I am sick of asking him for money, I have applied for cms but doesn’t it take long

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windycottage · 31/03/2025 10:04

Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 10:01

I am sick of asking him for money, I have applied for cms but doesn’t it take long

No it doesn’t, I would suggest you do this.

also buy another set of PE and other clothes so you can reduce as much as possible your communication.

He sounds an absolute delight 😑

Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 10:10

windycottage · 31/03/2025 10:04

No it doesn’t, I would suggest you do this.

also buy another set of PE and other clothes so you can reduce as much as possible your communication.

He sounds an absolute delight 😑

Show quote history

Everything is just so hard with him. He turns up 2 hours late when he is supposed to pick them up. He will have to pay more through cms so I’m unsure why he just doesn’t send it. He said he hates me ringing him, if that’s the case then he knows what to do! My stomach turns when I ring so this is the best way, there is definitely no caring for him involved like he thinks!

it says it can take upto 6 weeks so he will probably get away with not paying me this month now.

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Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 10:14

He just puts the phone down on me when I ask him. He says he pays 50% for them anyway but he doesn’t he just pays for them on the days he had them!

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Garlicgarlicgarlic · 31/03/2025 10:16

Don't hang around waiting for him, make the kids be available for a brief window when scheduled for him to collect, if he fails, go about your day.

Phoning him and expecting him to fundamentally change into a good parent isn't working.

Best just communicate with him only by a parenting app and CMS can take his money.

medprocesspain · 31/03/2025 10:17

The cms will be backdated to the day you make the phone call so you will get it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2025 10:17

Apply through the CMS today. I’m not sure why you’ve been accepting less than the minimum they say he should pay unless he’s self employed and likely to be cooking the books. There may be a delay but I think they backdate it and at least you won’t be having to ask him like he’s doing you a favour every month.

It sucks your mesl was cancelled, try and have a special day with your kids next weekend. It sounds like you need to reduce contact with him as much as you can. Can you use a parenting app instead of messaging?

Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 10:31

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2025 10:17

Apply through the CMS today. I’m not sure why you’ve been accepting less than the minimum they say he should pay unless he’s self employed and likely to be cooking the books. There may be a delay but I think they backdate it and at least you won’t be having to ask him like he’s doing you a favour every month.

It sucks your mesl was cancelled, try and have a special day with your kids next weekend. It sounds like you need to reduce contact with him as much as you can. Can you use a parenting app instead of messaging?

I’ve just downloaded a parenting app so hopefully he accepts

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Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 10:36

Why is he making everything so difficult, he met a new woman almost straight away and should be happy in his new relationship. If anybody should be bitter surely it should be me! Why on earth does he think me calling him asking for money is just an excuse to talk to him and I’m still madly in love with him, he is mad

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Starlight1984 · 31/03/2025 10:49

Might be missing something but why did you need to ring him to remind him they need a PE Kit today if he was dropping them back off with you last night?

DistinctlyDisgruntled · 31/03/2025 10:54

What’s the contact schedule?

Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 11:20

Starlight1984 · 31/03/2025 10:49

Might be missing something but why did you need to ring him to remind him they need a PE Kit today if he was dropping them back off with you last night?

Because they went camping, he doesn’t usually have them on a weekend he refuses. So these are his days generally anyway, my daughter wanted to stay with me last night after camping but 4 year old DS wanted to stay with dad. Sorry for confusion

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Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 11:46

I’ve been reading some threads on cms and apparently it can take years!

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Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 01/04/2025 12:51

Anyway my mum called him and he sent it straight over?

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ARichtGoodDram · 01/04/2025 12:56

Nothinggoingon · 31/03/2025 11:46

I’ve been reading some threads on cms and apparently it can take years!

Does he have a long term employer? If he does it shouldn't take a ridiculous amount of time.

If he job hops or is self employed that tends to be when it takes longer or is difficult

Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 01/04/2025 15:15

ARichtGoodDram · 01/04/2025 12:56

Does he have a long term employer? If he does it shouldn't take a ridiculous amount of time.

If he job hops or is self employed that tends to be when it takes longer or is difficult

Show quote history

He does yes, I just don’t understand how when my mum called he sent it straight away. Makes no sense

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/04/2025 21:35

What a horrible thing to do to you on Mother's Day

Original poster
Nothinggoingon · 08/04/2025 18:49

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/04/2025 21:35

What a horrible thing to do to you on Mother's Day

I know. I honestly don’t understand why he hates me so much

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