Am I ungrateful

[Pocketfullofsun]

its my first Mother’s Day so was expecting something a little special. For Mother’s Day he hadn’t planned or got me anything. On Thursday I said I wanted to get this item for me and the baby to use as we desperately needed it. I would have ordered it on the joint account myself so not really a gift. instead he got me the item for Mother’s Day. I’ve already had to use the item so he couldn’t even wrap it for me. I feel slightly annoyed that he got me something that the baby needed for my present. Also im currently on a diet just really trying to eat healthy and so he decided to order in McDonald’s breakfast. He came up stairs with cold McDonald’s pancakes in the packaging. He then said he had wanted to make me breakfast but couldn’t as we had no eggs or bacon we’ve been to the shop loads this week and he’s had plenty of time to get something. I’m trying to be grateful for what I got but every birthday or occasion is tainted by his lack of thought. Valentine’s Day was the same he didn’t organise anything then dragged me at the end of the day to the florist who had next to nothing left then made a joke about how much they cost. At this point I wish he just wouldn’t bother. He’s a lovely husband and an amazing dad just terrible at occasions and buying stuff. I’ve thanked him for a lovely day as I don’t want to seem ungrateful.

You’re being unreasonable for thanking him for doing nothing other than going to McDonald’s (presumably he wanted to do this anyway) and buying baby clothes (needed anyway). So, next year expect a similarly shit display from him on Valentine’s day and Mother’s Day - he’ll now think barely any effort at all pleases you just fine.

So did you tell him? And why didn’t y you order the thing you needed? Asking for it and it seems quite reasonable for him to thinks that’s what you wanted for today? The MacD’s breakfast is inexplicable - if he’s ordering in breakfast at least go somewhere decent!

I’m always of the view if you want something ask for it rather than expecting the other person to guess. Especially inthe early years of relationship or kids. So this year I asked dh to get me a hobby kit I wanted, he asked if i wanted anything else and I suggested chocolates so he bought me a chocolate liquor and macaroons. He got me a beautiful card because he knows cards are important to me. We both do breakfast in bed /layin for each other on special occasions . He also cooked and did pots. These are things we agreed on years ago.

Your dh did get you a gift and breakfast but it was poorly delivered, set out your expectations in advance next year.

Some people are good at celebrations - some are not.

I think your dh is in the ‘not’ camp.

but he can be taught and trained…

tell him what you want as he’s not good at guessing!!!

spell it out and make it clear in advance what you would like to happen. You have years of disappointment ahead of you if you don’t speak up.

I am very lucky - my dh is very thoughtful and really good at gifts - he knows what I like and gets me simple and small things that totally melt my heart - he notices things I’m interested in and remembers if I’ve shown an interest in a book etc… if yours isn’t picking up on things in normal life that you like - you need to be a bit more explicit .

don’t over ask - otherwise you will come over as demanding and grabby - but tell him ‘I’d love a homemade breakfast in bed with a cup of tea on Mother’s Day and to go on a walk to the pub in the afternoon ’ .

Repeat regularly in the weeks leading up and hopefully he will get the idea as to what would make it special .

I did tell him what I wanted I’ve also set my expectations on what I want for celebrations but he just didn’t get it. I also cooked dinner and made lunch at home which he could have offered to do.

It’s actually one of my complaints should I tell him how I felt after yesterday. He’s just so clueless about how I feel.

He could have offered to make lunch / cook dinner - but he didn’t.

so tell him -‘ I would like you to make lunch ‘

I know you shouldn’t have to but you either have to live with the resentment forever that he doesn’t think / he doesn’t ‘get’ what you really want - or you spell it out for him and explicitly say

‘i’t’s Mother’s Day - you are on lunch duty today’

From your initial post you are being unreasonable. You said you wanted an item for you and the baby to use, but for some reason chose not to buy it from the joint account and mentioned it to your partner who I imagine assumed as you were telling him about it thought you were dropping hints that's what you wanted.
He did go out and get breakfast, just not what you wanted, and if you were being that particular as you had been to the shops several times, what stopped you putting the food in the trolley? That would be like me doing the grocery shop but leaving out milk or bread on purpose and then moaning my partner didn't check.

Some of the posts on here 🙄

I know men aren't mind readers but neither are we! Come on people it's not too much to expect some thoughtfulness from your husband or partner.

@Pocketfullofsun Give what you get from now on. Bare minimum for father's day and birthday.

I said I would get the item when I next went into town I wasn’t going to make a special trip just for the one item. I always go into town on a Monday anyway. I did put the food in the trolley but we ate all the bacon and eggs during the week. I didn’t think to get any more. I did ask if he needed anything when I went shopping on Saturday but he said no. We did have toast and cereal at home along with croissants in the freezer so we did have some bits to eat. He just wanted bacon and eggs. Although if he was planning on bacon and eggs he could have checked that we had some. He also delivered the McDonald’s to the house didn’t even drive to get it.

Yes, I think you should tell him how you feel, but I'd wait until the dust settles a bit. You were kind to let it blow over yesterday, and these conversations go down better in advance of an occasion/special day as opposed to on the day itself.

Yabu. He did something it just wasn’t good enough for you.

Read some of the threads where mothers didn’t even get an acknowledgment of the day.