To ask what happens when you aren't close to a bridesmaid anymore

LindtDorLabrador · 2025-03-30T19:04:48+00:00

Do they recognise it and step down from being one? Do you try to meet up just to force it ( this feels stupid ) or do they just turn up on the wedding day and join in? If you have drifted apart from the bride surely it's the decent thing to do to say have the best day but I don't want to be a bridesmaid anymore and take the pressure off of her?

toomuchfaff · 30/03/2025 20:09

Not sure if you're the BM or the B.

But whichever one you are, use your adult words.

Instead of relying on them being psychic.

Suck it up and put your big girl pants on and open your mouth and tell them you dont want (to be) a bridesmaid andy more and have grown apart.

NoIroningSheets · 30/03/2025 20:11

Whether you are the bridesmaid or the bride, tell the other person and don’t expect them to just know.

Allwillbewell2 · 30/03/2025 20:11

Are you the bride OP? How long ago did you ask her? I had two bridesmaids who gave me the opinion they didn't really want to be bridesmaids (for two different reasons). I basically was upfront with them (individually) and said I didn't feel they wanted to be bridesmaids anymore and I wanted them to be comfortable and enjoy the wedding as a guest if they would rather not be part of the bridal party, both said they wanted to step down and both attended and had a good time (I think) as guests.

MinnieCoops · 30/03/2025 20:12

Just tell her you don’t want her as a BM anymore

Whoonearthareyou · 30/03/2025 20:13

Usually you would ask someone you've known well for many years. With my oldest friends we're not in ccontact on a daily or even weekly basis but when we meet up it's the same as ever. Has something specific happened to cause a rift?

sweetpickle2 · 30/03/2025 20:14

As a bridesmaid I wouldn’t approach the bride and tell her I was stepping down, no. If you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid anymore it’s on your tell her.

Fagli · 30/03/2025 20:16

What’s happened in the last 6m or so that means you’ve grown apart?!!

JeanGenieJean · 30/03/2025 20:16

If you're the bridesmaid, tell her.
I only found out several months after my wedding that my new SIL, who acted delighted when I asked her to be bridesmaid, was badmouthing me to all and sundry, saying the whole thing was a waste of time and money.
It's better to be honest.
If you're the bride, you need to tell her you think it's best for her to step down, or you'll regret it every time you look at the wedding photos.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 30/03/2025 20:19

It might be awkward to have the conversation now whether you are the bride or bridesmaid but the memories will be forever if you drift apart in the future. Think wedding photos.

Original poster

LindtDorLabrador · 30/03/2025 21:03

Sorry I'm neither! I'm in a group where both the bride and bridesmaid have expressed to me separately that they've grown apart and I agree with you all, use your adult words but when I've said it to each of them they're tip toeing around it. Glad I've not suggested something too confrontational! Thanks for your replies

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Original poster

LindtDorLabrador · 30/03/2025 21:04

JeanGenieJean · 30/03/2025 20:16

If you're the bridesmaid, tell her.
I only found out several months after my wedding that my new SIL, who acted delighted when I asked her to be bridesmaid, was badmouthing me to all and sundry, saying the whole thing was a waste of time and money.
It's better to be honest.
If you're the bride, you need to tell her you think it's best for her to step down, or you'll regret it every time you look at the wedding photos.

That's bloody awful! Why are people so mean.

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Original poster

LindtDorLabrador · 30/03/2025 21:05

Fagli · 30/03/2025 20:16

What’s happened in the last 6m or so that means you’ve grown apart?!!

I think from what they've told me the bride sort of asked bridesmaid out of obligation as it would have left her out of the group otherwise but they live and work in separate countries and have made no effort to maintain the bond really. No drama or bad blood just absolute strangers these days

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Original poster

LindtDorLabrador · 30/03/2025 21:06

Allwillbewell2 · 30/03/2025 20:11

Are you the bride OP? How long ago did you ask her? I had two bridesmaids who gave me the opinion they didn't really want to be bridesmaids (for two different reasons). I basically was upfront with them (individually) and said I didn't feel they wanted to be bridesmaids anymore and I wanted them to be comfortable and enjoy the wedding as a guest if they would rather not be part of the bridal party, both said they wanted to step down and both attended and had a good time (I think) as guests.

Edited

Hopefully they do this! Very sensible and adult, glad your all got to enjoy the day

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