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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DF care home abuse

25 replies

CustardCream19 · 30/03/2025 19:22

DF (aged 53) was placed in a dementia care home after being homeless a few years ago. A bit of background - he suffers with severe mental health issues and substance abuse; however, he generally has capacity and can look after himself to some extent, albeit he is very self-destructive. He hates living there, though the local authority claim there’s nowhere else for him to go.

Around a year ago, DF’s bank card was stolen by another resident (it was drug related) and as a result, the resident had full access to his bank card for months (I was not aware, although this has been a recurring problem with DF when drugs are involved). Said resident was later kicked out but DF still had no access to his money due to having no ID to renew the card.

Siblings and I have very recently been to visit (we’re not nearby) and cancelled the card/contacted the bank re the ID. We then raised this with the care home, to be told by the manager that he has been managing the bank card for months (since the resident was kicked out). DF had no idea this was happening (nor did we), although confirmed that the manager had on occasion been giving him some cash (he thought said manager was just being nice). DF claims he never consented to this, although given his mental state/substance abuse, we can’t be sure. The managers reasoning for doing so is drug related, DF would withdraw hundreds at a time for drugs and end up in a bad state. DF claims he is now allowed £10 a day (in cash) which they withdraw but is often told no if he ‘hasn’t been good’. He is entitled to ESA and PIP so I have a rough idea of what he should be receiving.

I am really concerned with this whole arrangement because 1. why were we (or DF) not informed of this arrangement as next of kin 2. If this has been going on for months, and he is restricted to £10 a day (all in cash) where is the rest of his money going, they could be withdrawing any amount of money for themselves and claim they’ve been giving it to DF. It’s their word against his, and DF is not in a fit state to remember how much/when he has been given money.

Along with this, I have just found out that he has been moved to a shared room with a dementia patient on the agreement that the manager gives him 2 free cigarettes a day. DF agreed (as any severe addict probably would) but they are playing on his addiction/vulnerability here. They then provide him additional cigarettes again, if ‘he has been good’.

I am planning to call the manager directly tomorrow (he was not there when we visited) and question him on all the above, then contact the safeguarding team at the local authority to raise my concerns. I am also trying to find a contact to do a mental health assessment as he was not in a good way at all when we visited. Aside from this, if anyone has any advice on steps to take/who to contact, I would really appreciate it.

OP posts:
RegardingMary · 30/03/2025 19:26

I'd be informing the resident he shares withs family that their very vulnersnle relative is now sharing space with a drug user.

MissMoneyFairy · 30/03/2025 19:28

I'd call adult social services and his mental health team, does anyone have power of attorney or are listed as his nearest relative. Has he had a formal capacity assessment, who arranged the care home placement.

allhailtheeyeballsinthesky · 30/03/2025 19:42

Surely most of his income is going towards paying for his care, i thought the personal allowance is about £30 per week

MissMoneyFairy · 30/03/2025 19:49

Who is paying for his carehome? Are his benefits being paid to him directly, do the benefits agency know he is in care. Is the care home registered with the cqc. His psychiatrist, can, social worker or a GP can do his capacity assessment.

MissMoneyFairy · 30/03/2025 19:49

Cpn not can

AgnesX · 30/03/2025 19:54

Will he still get PIP and ESA if he's in a home. I thought it cut off after a certain amount of time?

Cerialkiller · 30/03/2025 19:54

Surely is he has been diagnosed with dementia, he doesn't have capacity to consent to their actions? They should have spoken to his power of attorney? Definitely need to investigate the account and remove the card from them. Have they kept a record of how much was taken out?

helpfulperson · 30/03/2025 20:02

Presumably he has a social worker? I would set up a meeting with them and go through everything. If he doesn't personally have one the care home will have a link social worker. Do you or someone else have power of attorney. Please bear in mind his version of what is going on won't be particularly accurate. I'm not saying to trust the care home without question, just that the reason he is there needs to be borne in mind.

Bathnet · 30/03/2025 20:06

You sound as though you’ve been fairly negligent if you’re only aware of this now. I’m surprised he’s still got a roof over his head if he’s drug using in a residential setting.

Please tell me you’ve at least had a capacity assessment done? Does someone have power of attorney?

This is a mess

spicemaiden · 30/03/2025 20:07

I am really shocked that a local authority is paying for a place in dementia residential care when most local authorities would likely deem him to not have care and support needs.

How exactly did he end up in there? You say homeless but via which route? Hospital discharge route?

MissMoneyFairy · 30/03/2025 20:08

If there's no poa in place you can apply for deputyship if he doesn't have capacity, nok doesn't have any legal meaning unfortunately

CustardCream19 · 30/03/2025 20:09

@MissMoneyFairy no one currently has power of attorney - myself and siblings are down as next of kin. I will need to investigate re the financials as I am in the dark and DF has no idea. All I know if his benefits are paid to him directly and LA are aware that he is in a care home.

@Cerialkiller he doesn't have dementia. He is mentally unwell and under his LA, they place mentally ill patients in care homes - this is the first I've heard of that but I'm not local.

OP posts:
MissMoneyFairy · 30/03/2025 20:10

spicemaiden · 30/03/2025 20:07

I am really shocked that a local authority is paying for a place in dementia residential care when most local authorities would likely deem him to not have care and support needs.

How exactly did he end up in there? You say homeless but via which route? Hospital discharge route?

If he has severe mh issues he may have been sectioned and entitled to free aftercare and enduring mh and addiction residents are often placed in dual diagnosis homes

Whyherewego · 30/03/2025 20:10

This all seems very wierd. So the card was stolen by the other resident ? Or wasn't and the manager had it all the time? Or the manager got it off the other resident somehow?
It seems sensible that the manager is helping to manage the money but I find it extraordinary that this is happening without some clear documentation to support it so certainly I'd want to know that there is a consent given or PoA and that there's a record of monies withdrawn etc.
Ultimately though it really depends on how bothered you are to get involved? It sounds like DF is not particularly willing to be helped and youve stepped away somewhat, very understandable. But if you're not prepared to get involved and if you think it is Ultimately in DF best interests I'd probably leave it

CustardCream19 · 30/03/2025 20:15

@Whyherewego I have stepped away to some extent (with very good reason) but I don't want him to be taken advantage of, and need to seek mental health support before things get any worse.

Manager supposedly got the card off of the resident, but it is hard to get to the bottom of the situation with DF and I suspect it will be with the home too.

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 30/03/2025 20:18

But your DF must have supplied his PIN to both the ex resident and the care home manager for anyone to be withdrawing funds?

Surely the bank can tell him his account balance? Which then he'd at least know how much is in there. It all sounds very bizarre.

exhaustedbeinghappy · 30/03/2025 20:19

Ask for a ‘Best interest’ meeting. DM is in a dementia care home, and from memory it was us, as next of kin, a representative from the care home management and nursing, social services and her independent advocate (as she has a DOLS)

spicemaiden · 30/03/2025 20:23

MissMoneyFairy · 30/03/2025 20:10

If he has severe mh issues he may have been sectioned and entitled to free aftercare and enduring mh and addiction residents are often placed in dual diagnosis homes

That’s why I asked if it via hospital discharge route - I was wondering if he’d been previously sectioned (3) and had triggered s117 aftercare.

MissMoneyFairy · 30/03/2025 20:23

As soon as his bank card was stolen by another resident, the home should have informed the bank, had the card stopped and reported the theft to the police, why did it take several months for the manager to get the card. Who is telling you all this.

Soontobe60 · 30/03/2025 20:25

If he’s in a dementia care home he must have been sectioned and be subject to a DOLs surely? Residents cannot come and go as they please in such a setting.

Wellbeing24 · 30/03/2025 20:27

I would advise you ask the manager if they have arranged to be appointee for your father, if not where then is the documented paper trail to support them 'looking after' his bank card?
There should be clear evidence of how and why that decision was undertaken.
DWP can arrange for someone ro be appointee as your father is so vulnerable but it's not appropriate for that to be the care home manager.
They need to be able to provide a list of all transactions from the time they decided to retain his bank card.

safetyfreak · 30/03/2025 20:35

Soontobe60 · 30/03/2025 20:25

If he’s in a dementia care home he must have been sectioned and be subject to a DOLs surely? Residents cannot come and go as they please in such a setting.

OP said the other resident who stole the card also had drugs issues.

This does not sound like a 'typical' care home with elderly people. OP, are you sure your father not living in a supported living accomdation?

Your father may not have the capacity to manage his finances but, does he have the capacity to instruct someone to be his power of attorney? if so, then you could apply to be POA with your father's consent.

I am aware of placements where the managers will hold the card for the residents for safekeeping etc, so its not unheard off.

spicemaiden · 30/03/2025 20:37

But does the manager have the legal authority to hold his card and decide how much money he’s allowed to have?
OP - I think my first port of call would be to look up my local safeguarding adults board and find out what their process if for raising an organisational safeguarding concerns and go from there

spicemaiden · 30/03/2025 20:51

If you want a MHA assessment to be considered you need to know who your fathers nearest relative is (this is a legal term) as the social services/mental health services only have a duty to consider the request if it’s made by the nearest relative (if the request isn’t being made by a professional)

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/nearest-relative/sectioning-and-guardianships/

ilovebagpuss · 30/03/2025 20:58

It's financial abuse, putting all other considerations aside. Unless they have POA for finance or court of protection (which is usually a 3rd party like a social worker).
We had a relative with a conviction for this in a care group I worked for due to a family member buying cars and so on with their relatives money.
Inform the police and CQC.

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