I have a difficult relationship with my mother. During my childhood she was controlling and very critical. She called me ugly and said on more than on occasion that she and my father had been happy before I arrived. She often spoiled what should have been nice occasions by sulking or giving people the silent treatment. I spent as much time out of the house as I could as a child and left home as soon as I could.
The relationship has never really improved. I tend to see my parents once or twice a year. My father is unwell and I would visit more but for her. I don’t call very often as there is little to say and they never seem pleased if I do. My parents haven’t acknowledged my birthday for several years, though I continue to send them cards and presents. They don’t call me.
My mother was 80 this year and I rang to offer to take her out to lunch which resulted in her shouting at me for calling on the landline (she doesn’t like anyone calling on it, or leaving messages, but I had forgotten). I was annoyed and we left it that she would let me know when would be a good time to visit to take her out. I have heard nothing from her since.
My father has just left a voicemail to ask me to call my mother because she is upset at not being acknowledged on Mother’s Day. He had to go for a walk to call because he didn’t want my mother to hear.
it feels like an act of total hypocrisy to call and wish her a happy Mother’s Day when we don’t have a remotely positive mother daughter relationship. However, I feel very sad at the message that my father left and that he is so controlled by her, though that is something he has allowed to happen. I also feel angry at the manipulation. They are both quite old now, I know that they will need help in the future, that their lives now are confined and not very happyi but and the whole thing seems impossible to resolve.