Upset with lack of Mothers Day Consideration

[TeacherLily]

I know I’m being unreasonable, but I’m having a moment of feeling sorry for myself.

Got up this morning and DH wished me happy Mother’s Day. No gift or present, but I wasn’t expecting anything from him as our son is now nearly 20 and we’re saving for a big holiday.

No message or call from DS yet, but could still be in bed. He’s at uni.

Now DH and I are on Mounjaro, so I knew I wouldn’t want to go out for dinner, but I planned my fav for home. A small portion of chicken, with mash and green beans, with a side of American style sausage gravy. Barely a kids size, but I’ve looked forward to it all week.

DH has just said he wants to fast today and can I save the dinner for tomorrow.

At first I said yes. But then I was thinking about what I could do for myself (I can’t starve as I’ve been potassium deficient and it’s not healthy anyway) so I have some left over salad and I thought about a poached egg with it…but then I thought ‘hang on - it’s Mother’s Day and I’m being asked to not even make myself a nice lunch’. So then I called DH and said actually, it’s Mothers Day, so I’m making what I planned. I’ll put you up one and stick it in the fridge for tomorrow.

But I’m sat here feeling quite upset now. More upset than is probably necessary. Someone give me a shake and remind me that there are worse things going on in the world fgs.

Well done you for making the decision to have what you want to eat. Enjoy the anticipation of your favourite meal, enjoy making it, enjoy eating it. Enjoy knowing you've eaten the right amount for what you need.

Please don't let your dh's decision spoil your mood though. I'd feel sorry for him that he's going to have to smell that lovely dinner cooking and have to wait for tomorrow to have it re-heated. You've got the best deal here.

Thank you. That’s so true x

Your son will have been out partying last night. He will calm you when he's up.
You are not your husband's mum why would he think about your lunch ?
Ps for context I get the upset. my son has just said he forgot the other one won't be up until much later as they work in the music industry so won't have got home until this morning

So I'm going to take myself out

Agreed! Thank you.

DH just asked me will we be visiting his mother today. I have said that no, I will not be. As it’s also my Mother’s Day.

ETA obviously he will. I’ve nothing against that.

My sons were out last night one was working all night the other clubbing.
I dont bother with mothers day i may get a message later this affternoon when they wake up.
As long as they are well and had a good night thats all that matters to me.

I can understand why you’re upset as your DS has been thoughtless. But don’t take it out on your DH: he can’t control the actions of a 20-year-old man and in all likelihood he isn’t thinking about the daily routine and eating schedule between himself and you as having any connection to Mother’s Day.

You're on a roll today. Do what makes you happy. Keep it up

And what did your husband say when you told him you would still be making it? If he was fine about it then I don’t see what the issue is?

Your son is 20 so it’s his job now not your husbands anymore to make Mother’s Day special for you I think.

DH said ok no problem and then later came back and said we can have lunch together today and I’ll fast tomorrow if you like. I’ve told him that it doesn’t bother me whether he has it today or tomorrow, but I wanted to do it for myself and go for a lovely walk in the sunshine, so he actually has joined me in the end.

I don’t mind about DS. I suspect I’ll get a message later.

I knew I was being a bit over sensitive, but I’m glad I asserted what I wanted to do today, otherwise I’d probably have resented it.

I appreciate the messages and it’s nice to have a bit of support and friendly reminders that it’s not a big deal when you’re having a wallow.

Thanks again!

Are there broader problems in your relationship which have triggered this? It sounds as though you had a fairly straightforward exchange with DH about what to have for a meal, and just decided you wanted to eat one thing rather than another. Totally normal for most couples. That you feel that you’re “glad I asserted what I wanted to do today” sounds a very strong reaction and as though you often struggle to assert yourself in your relationship?

No not really. DH is very affectionate and kind, but this is the first Mother’s Day that DS is away for Uni and whilst DH offered to take me out for lunch earlier in the week, due to our weight loss I told him I’d recreate the meal we have that we both enjoy on holiday. I do it sometimes for a special occasion. I was looking forward to it.

This week he’s been eating one day and then the next fasting and today fell on a fasting day. I had assumed he would like the special lunch I’d planned, so it was a shock to hear he was still fasting and a bit sad that he thought a (more special than usual) lunch could just wait until tomorrow which will be after a long day of work for us both. And having lunch today alone felt a bit sad.

I am a bit of a peace keeper and whilst I can have high expectations with things like participation in chores etc, I generally always put DS and DH first and never myself. Example, I’ll make lovely plans for their birthdays but tell them ‘oh don’t worry about me’ when it comes to mine. I’m quite low maintenance. But today, with DS away, it sort of bothered me. Not to even be able to eat lunch with someone. So I demanded (in a nice way) a day for myself.

When DH realised I was upset he was sorry. He really didn’t want to come across as uncaring and DS did eventually message. So all is good. What I meant is that I’m glad for once I didn’t do the whole ‘don’t worry about me’ thing…because they really are starting not to when it comes to special occasions, and I hope now they understand that I don’t need diamonds, or even chocolate and flowers, but just a little effort and involvement in the day to mark it, is much appreciated.

Hope that’s explained it…sort of.