Unexpected inheritance..do I tell my partner?

[jellytiptop]

Hello, I’ve been on mn for years but have name changed for this post. I have recently discovered that my grandmother has left me some money in her will, all her grandchildren received £60000 and this was distributed to us this week. I haven’t told my partner of 8 years.

For context, we own a house together as tenants in common with both of us putting down equal deposits and splitting the mortgage and bills 50/50. DP is 37 and earns £65k pa, he has two teen children from his previous marriage who we have EOW and half the holidays, he pays maintenance, uniforms, allowance etc. I am 31 earning £52k pa with no children. We have a joint account where all household expenses are paid from and we both transfer the same amount each month, but get paid into our separate accounts. He has approximately £40k personal savings and also some shares/ crypto but I don’t know the value of these. I only had £20k until now as the deposit for the house are most of my savings.

Our relationship has been very difficult the past couple of years with my partners depression and impulsive behaviour making me feel that we aren’t in a stable partnership. He has always been very insistent on everything being 50/50 financially even when I was earning far less than I am now. I’ve just accepted it because I didn’t want to viewed as a freeloader and I could look after myself. Now I’m wondering if it’s really sneaky of me to not tell him I have this money. I would like to put some of it on the mortgage but then he would ask where it came from etc. Just wanting to know if it’s ok to have a secret bank account or what I should do with the money, we aren’t married.

I’d definitely keep it a secret. Don’t forget a big chunk of that money will go in inheritance tax.

His “cryto” bullshit is unknown to you. He does not tell you.

You can just put yours in an investment fund and park it there. No paper statements. Don’t get in his cryto.

You don’t need this ££££ right now. Forget it exists.
Pay your 1/2 mortgage per usual.

He will try to “invest” for you. Telling him about the money will be end of your money and end of your relationship.

@SalfordQuays solicitors pass on inheritance net of tax. IHT is 40% after the nil band not connected to earnings.

Read your post back to yourself - you’re in a relationship with someone and you don’t want to share this news because… you don’t trust them, they have form for not looking out for you and ur gut is telling you not to tell them.

Erm - this is bigger than the cash. And no don’t tell him.

Please tell me she said no!

I would sit tight. As others said- put it in a savings account and don't tell him. You would like for you all to benefit as a ffamily- fine maybe sometime in the future you will see a need for this to be shared and feel comfortable and confident doing so- this is not that time. No harm in parking it somewhere safe and re-assessing as life progresses. But I think him knowing now would be a mistake.

Invest the money in something secure, and don't ever let him know you have it.

I assumed the 60,000 was pre tax

I think she might have said yes because both adult daughters are not speaking to her. She has been married three times too. Loves a party.
Thank god she's too old for babies. He's much younger and has unsavoury political views. I don't get the relationship other than the bonking.

I'm guessing if there is at least two grandchildren, 60k shared out isn't a life changing amount of money, but it isn't an amount I would immediately put on a mortgage.

No way would I tell him.

And I would make concrete plans to split with him asap.
You can do better than him.

He’s got money you can’t touch and if/when you split, you of course won’t get, why should it be any different for you?

Your loyalty is commendable Op but you need to think with your head as well as your heart. You're not married and your DP is in poor health, even though you were only 22 he's taken advantage of your earnings with the 50/50, you've paid for a bigger house because he has DC and he hasn't even made a will to protect you.
I inherited my DMs house, my Partner and I live there and he'll inherit it if I die first but it's my house, he knows what happens to it is up to me. I have a feeling your partner would see your money as available to him too.

Please keep the money separate and in your own account. Don’t spend it on shared things like the house either. You’ve already described the relationship as difficult and you simply can’t ignore that you may, at some point, split. Protect your future.

He has savings but you’re worried about you having savings?

Seems to me that your inheritance just evens up the situation and if he doesn’t see his savings or investments as “ours” then neither should your inheritance be regarded as”ours.”

Gune to tell him. Not fine for him to think your savings are his, if his savings aren’t yours.

If you were married and in a rock solid relationship then definitely yes. It would be great fun jointly choosing what to do with it. In your situation, where you are already heavily subsidising him and you don’t seem to be very happy, and where you seem to be at the end of your tether supporting him, I would keep it quiet for now and lock it away in a high interest savings account. It sounds like you may need it in the next few years.

OP, you feel that your relationship is unstable even though you have been with him for 9 years. You pay 1/2 of all household expenses even though you earn proportionately less, no doubt you do more than half of the cleaning, laundry and cooking and help him care for his children when they with you. He’s done quite well out of you!

Put it in a high interest account in your name (or even can put 20,000 into an ISA before April 6).

If you are thinking about keeping your inheritance a secret from your partner/spouse than IMO you very clearly already have one foot out the door of your relationship and are checked out so just do him and yourself a favor and break up with him. In a healthy committed relationship where you are truly happy the thought of hiding money from your partner wouldn't even occur.

I am 34 years old and my husband is 37 about to be 38. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 23 if I found out he kept inheritance a secret from me I would 100% consider that financial infidelity at BEST and a slap in the face and high insult to our marriage at worst. We are each other's first and only relationships and we are very much in love with each other we are very close and each other's person. This would throw me for a loop considering our relationship. Because we have a relationship where we share everything. I would feel so hurt and betrayed if he kept something like this so huge from me I would be heading to marriage counseling ASAP and I would be so lost and confused considering that doesn't align with how our relationship always worked.

Nope. Don’t tell him under those circumstances

I got as far as your relationship being difficult and that’s the key. Hell no way do you tell him. Put it away in an account he doesn’t know about. That’s your security. And a good ‘running away’ fund. You are 31, you don’t need to be tied to a depressed miser who already has kids. Have a think about that.

It's really up to you if you want to tell him, the telling him isn't going to cause any problems, those will only come if he feels he has a right to a share of it or has expectations of what you should do with the money that you don't agree with.

He has savings in his name only so it's only right, especially as it's an inheritance that your nan left you, that you're entitled to have the same.

I'd also take a step back, go sit in a cafe where there's nothing to think about other than your relationship and think about where you'd like to be in, say 5 years time.
Don't settle in a relationship 'just because', you and your future count too.

This is your start over fund should you need it. Separate account and keep it under your hat x

Keep it you're not married. If you put it to the mortgage then make sure it's in writing that it's to your share so you get the equivalent back out in the event of a split. I wouldn't do that tho. I'd keep it.

Invest it/put in savings or premium bonds (PB max out at £50k) but don’t tell him and don’t pay off the mortgage. If your relationship is any but perfect then protect yourself and your future.