Is mumsnet really a friendly place?

[Lingfield01]

This isn’t really a question but from the topics covered here (MIL issues,family nonsense, childcare etc)I’m probably one of the older members and done with all that stuff.
I’m genuinely interested to know if many people here really gain anything from posting their problems to a crowd of total strangers. Also the number of very snippy, judgmental and superior comments are quite shocking
Is Mumsnet really and truly a support network or the biggest virtual playground competition on the planet?!

Chat, general health etc can be wonderfully supportive and helpful, as can the gardening and property threads.

AIBU is only for the very brave imo.

Mumsnet is a big place.
There are friendly people and there are unfriendly people.
You'll find what you look for.

No, there are definitely posters who hang about AIBU with the sole intention of being of picking a poster apart.

For new parents seeking advice or support it can be quite condescending and hostile unless they post in the more niche sections, but then of course they don’t get many responses.

MN should absolutely do more with regards to the bitchiness and bunfights but of course they don’t because the traffic brings in revenue.

Well it isn’t all ‘posting problems to a crowd of strangers’. I spend as much time chatting about streamed TV, and radio soap as I do on other people’s problems.

The ‘problems’ - particularly at this time of year - are often What shall I wear to a Buckingham Palace garden party?

And anyway, one person’s problem might involve hundreds and hundreds of varied responses. Friendly, snippy, helpful, hilarious, whatever.

I don’t come here for ‘support’. It’s just one of many options (mostly real life, not online) for entertainment and information and general sharing of opinions.

If you don’t feel it offers anything you enjoy then it surely might be better to ignore the forum rather than starting a thread to disparage it.

There are plenty of friendly threads and forums.

It is a support network in that you will get the advice you need, not the advice you want. It's tough love.

It can be a very friendly place but what I love the most is the number of extremely bright women who do or have done interesting things and they share their experiences and their intellect. God, I love that.

There are some cows.

I have been called deeply insensitive and deeply sensitive. I just roll with it and am thankful when someone tells me that my comments have resonated in some way. And, in my turn, I laugh, I learn, I commiserate and, sometimes, bring my blood pressure down (see Protestant Tray Bake, Hedge Sex and Butter Dish threads).

I’m genuinely interested to know if many people here really gain anything from posting their problems to a crowd of total strangers?

Before the Internet people used to chat and discuss problems and annoyances over the garden fence, at the bus stop or in the butcher's queue. Now people recoil from real life interactions but still need that support and connection. So yes, people do really gain from posting here, even if they don’t get the answer they think they will get.

I find it friendly and it is very funny sometimes. I find aggressive arsey posters a bit of a bore as are the trolls with niche interests, but on the whole it fills a space I personally can’t fill in other ways.

Is this another way of asking, ‘why doesn’t everyone tell me I am being reasonable, rather than telling the truth?’

For me its entertainment and info
I don't come here for support or to make friends

Depends on the post you make surely. If you ask for advice on a controversial subject eg surrogacy you are obviously going to get lots of passionate responses which you may or may not agree with whereas if you post a picture asking for advice on a specific rash, how to grow certain plants or support through the probate process (a common issue) you are likely to get supportive posts with some at least good advice

Indeed the mistake of posting in AIBU this morning and the first 2 comments were less than helpful. One LTB and one asking for my personal financial situation details. Uhm, no I'm not telling you personal info.

I think it is for the most part. I’ve come across some really lovely posters, but I’ve also come across some dickheads that just want to rip people apart for the sake of it.

I find that the most basic of comments on a post can turn into someone sending you rolly eye emojis 🙄🙄🙄 and people jumping down your throat. I've made one nice friend on the baby group chats but that's about it. My experience with any thing else that gets said on here is pretty negative. I don't tend to comment much on posts any more.

It seems to me that if people make enough fuss about not liking the answers they get, anyone can just get their threads deleted now. The replies don't even have to be particularly unpleasant or hostile.

In real life friends will say ‘oh you’re right, I sympathise, he’s a pig etc’

but on here you get the truth and that can be a shock!

Parts of it are, other parts, not so much. AIBU to be avoided if you are sensitive, it can be brutal. The Feminist board is informative and educational but often horrifying too. I tend to post on Relationships to offer support to women who are in abusive relationships. Having been there myself, I want to show that there is hope.

I think you need to bear in mind that it is SM. It can be easy to get sucked in to weird arguments. I try not to engage in that side of things, everyone's entitled to their opinion and we don't all have to agree.

Aibu is always ridiculous, but there are so many supportive sections and people, especially in the health sections.

Actually you will get the advice that someone you don't know, and who has prejudices and expectations that are never revealed and which may not even be relevant, thinks you need.

That will sometimes be tough. It will never be love.

You find what you look for. I’ve been here for 15 years and it’s now a part of my daily life. I have learned so much, and feel connected to the world.
i have had nothing but warmth and kindness when I have posted.
I only contribute when I feel I have relevant experience or knowledge.

I like the general chit chat but over time I've stopped using it for personal advice. Feels there are too many people just waiting to pounce on you with negative comments.

Yes and on people's social media pages too.

If they're not being told 'You're so right hun', they can simply block whoever disagrees with them.

Many people have hundreds or thousands of friends/followers who'll only blow smoke up their arses.

Chat forums are a real dose of 'reality' for them.

MN should absolutely do more with regards to the bitchiness and bunfights but of course they don’t because the traffic brings in revenue.

Completely this @FanofLeaves

So many people piling on OPs in AIBU. It's group bullying IMO.

It’s very useful for others’ experience.

so for example you can post asking about braces (my first post) and people will explain the funding system to you and tell you their experience.

this can be very, very useful.