To find it really irritating when people ask how I’m coping with two?

[NotWantingToBeRude]

I know people are just making conversation and looking for something relevant they can ask about. My sleep deprived brain is no doubt blowing things out of proportion too. Yet I find this question really irritating after a new baby.

It sometimes feels like they’re expecting me to say:

’It’s sheer hell!!! What on earth was thinking? I’ve made a big mistake.’

‘Coping?!! I’m not coping at all. We’ve got the health visitor coming round daily and have been discussing giving #2 up for adoption.’

’It’s just hideous!!! Someone please tell me it gets better soon or I might just go and stick my head in the gas oven now.’

Alternatively:

’It’s an utter breeze! I’m thinking about #3 and #4 already.’

’I’m just loving every minute! #2 is such a joy!’

These sorts of comments seem likely to poss the questioner off too.

There’s something about the word ‘coping.’ Even just, ‘How are you finding it with two?’ would be a bit gentler.

People are just making conversation, passing the time of day..
They might have really shit or dramatic things going on in their own lives and only have brain energy for some platitudes.
Maybe you could share some of the brilliant and original questions you ask people

OK thanks for the reality check.

I think it’s me and that I have some sort of paranoia about other people thinking I’m not coping and a bad parent. Somehow I feel like everyone else is better than I am and that I’m sub standard in some way. It’s not that people feel for me being in a difficult situation with a newborn and another little one, it’s that they’re judging me for being not quite up to the task.

When I had my 2nd child all anyone could talk about was how my 7 year old autistic son was coping with the change..and my that fil always saying how my daughter didn't appear to be autistic (until my husband had a go at him, saying how is that meant to make our son feel?!). Fast forward 12 years and I just had child no 4, my 3rd child is another boy who is autistic. Not a single person has asked how I'm finding having 4. I think people just think going from 1 to 2 is a massive change, any more and it's of no consequence

The OP will be on here one day saying no-one's interested in talking to her and doesn't give a shite about her kids 🙄

What kind of sophisticated small talk do you lead with? It sounds like many of us could do with tips from you.

Sorry. I don’t have two kids only one. But I am by your side. I would think ur hormone or lack of sleep made you feel irritating. Yes vent about it, focus on ur babies.

or try to make use of the conversation and gain sth from it. Can the person give you any tips or recommendation of anything ?

I had five kids. The number of times people said 'are they all yours?' used to stupify me - like I'd volunteer to take five kids under the age of ten around with me everywhere I went!

But they were trying to empathise and to find some common ground and open a dialogue, not wind me up beyond all mortal understanding. Eventually I got myself a T shirt which said 'Yes, they are all mine', and people would start a conversation based on the T shirt (usually assuming it was referring to my boobs, oddly enough).

People are social. They want to chat, and they have to start somewhere. You're tired and probably a bit run down, I think after you get a few good nights' sleep (ha! I know!) you'll see things differently.