Spouse not coping with empty nest

[Torborro]

My husband and I have coped fairly well with son (only child, ivf) being away at University. He is really good at staying in touch and we see him fairly regularly.
The problem is whenever my son comes home my husband becomes obsessed with everything being perfect for him. He constantly snaps and behaves disproportionately to any comment or perceived change to this. This only happens when we see our son, but it is starting to affect my ability to enjoy this time.
My husband is a lovely, gentle man but this behaviour is really unpleasant. How do i help him overcome this?

Have you pointed his behaviour out to him?

(also slightly intrigued as to why the method of your son’s conception matters after all this time!)

I expect that a considerable period of time wanting a baby, followed by a lengthy period of medical intervention and quite possibly some absolutely heartbreaking losses adds further significance to the one child, compared to a choice to have one, conceived really easily.

Would saying just like when he was born, the circumstances around his arrival didn't have to be because it was him that was perfect, it's not the house or food or timings that have to be perfect because the important thing is that he's here, he's happy, everything is perfect because of him?

Or is he wanting to fill up on the memories because he knows one day he won't be coming home as he'll have his own home to go to? So he needs to focus on enjoying the times and not worrying about the little things?

Can you see your son on your own instead? Go and spend some time with him at university over the weekend and stay in a travel lodge? You don’t have to do everything with your dh. Especially if you don’t enjoy it.

I don’t want to derail the thread, but as the parent of an only, ivf child I don’t think I cherish them more or less than any other parent….