To think about going away with kids without husband

[YourPeppyWriter]

Ok very much first world problems but am interested in group consensus.

My kids (9 and 7) really fancy going on a cruise. One of those family type ones with the pool on the deck and entertainment at night, sort of bultins-on-sea kinda vibe. I also think it sounds really fun.

Husband is a bit of a snob and thinks it sounds awful. (These two things not fully connected, granted, there are many reasons to not like the idea of a cruise other than being a snob! But in this case that’s his reason, he feels it’s a bit beneath him).

I’ve costed it for October half term and it’s well in budget, cheaper than the thing he wanted to do.

My point to him is, we have this window when the kids are young to do some very silly family type things that might not be his boutique-hotels type vibe. In a few years the kids will have grown out of it. So, either he could come with or I’ll take the kids and he could use the week to do his own thing with a friend or anything just using the holiday budget. No dramas. I’ve been away with kids alone a lot, as has he, for logistics reasons with kids having more school hols than our leave at work so we often divide anyways.

He says we should all do something together. It’s not just the money, it’s the precious time together as this would be one of the weeks we’d have done a whole family thing. But he says that week should be something we all want to do.

He has looked up less family-oriented more luxury cruise type things but they don’t look much fun for the kids. No waterslides or discos 😂 and wayyyy more expensive.

Post is not asking if you think a cruise would be fun or not! I know opinions are divided on that.

question is if 3 members of the family want to do a thing, should husband go with the consensus or should we all do something we all agree on?

IABU - don’t drag poor husband on a cruise he would hate

IANBU - he can stay home if he doesn’t want to go

Family time is very important, but so is doing things sometimes that center the children, because you are right they grow fast.

Personally I think your DH should go and be good tempered about it but if he can't then I don't think there is any issues with going without him.

If you can afford it out of your own pocket, then go without the husband. If he pays towards the holiday, then i suppose he gets a say.

I regularly do things without my husband. Take our DD on holiday without him but he doesn't mind. And we always try and have at least one family holiday together once a year.

We share money really (earn similar and pool cash)… so in that circumstance whaddya reckon? He should vote? Not sure where the pieces will land on this just trying to figure out the right approach

Over the last few years our lifestyle has had to change, but prior to that my husband would take our children abroad on his own at least 3 times a year (sometimes for up to 3 weeks).

Going abroad wasn’t something I could do because of health issues I had but nor did I want my children to miss out.

I just stayed at home and enjoyed the peace and quiet!

You and your children should go and enjoy yourselves.

Well if he really dislikes the idea, what about a compromise? If he can't beat the thought of any family-oriented holiday, fair enough.

Go back and look at the cruise you want to do and check if they have kids club and also adults only spaces/activities. It might sell it to your husband if he knows you and he can do a date night theatre trip/restaurant dinner/couples massage while the kids are having a ball doing kids’ club movie night, afternoon basketball tournament or similar.

If he's going to be stuck up and snobby and not embrace it then I'd leave him home.
one of our best holidays when the kids were young was a stupidly cheap even at the time 5 days on the Isle of Wight for £100 including caravan pitch and ferry crossing, too good to miss really. Well it was a holiday park type place when we got there and a bit Hidehi but the kids were happy and nobody knew us so we just entered into the spirit of it. We had so much fun, discovered we loved bingo I won £50 one night and spent all our money. Lovely weather, as close to perfect as we could have got. The kids went everywhere (safely) on their bikes and made a few nice little friends. A real blast.
so I'd say go for it if your DC is up for it but don't let your DH ruin it. What I realised on that cheap holiday was that I was surrounded by fellow parents who had the same mindset as we did, it was about giving the kids the most fantastic time on the budget available . We all basically had a very similar outlook on parenting. That meant the kids made friends, ran as a pack but remained considerate and respectful of others and any of the parents could check them if they needed it without it turning into a big incident.

Your DH's mindset needs to be it's all about giving the kids a great time. No point in taking him if he wants it to be all about what he wants.

He’s out voted and he needs to learn compromise.

In this particular instance, if I were you, I would go on holiday without husband and go somewhere another time as a family holiday.

Your children are young, I'd do what I think the kids would want and enjoy more. There's plenty of opportunities to do things/go on the type of holidays your DH wants but time doesn't stand still for children.

Why not book the holiday with a family with other young children too? If I go on a kids holiday, I would go with my bestie and her kids too. No husbands allowed. Both our husbands don't mind. They get a break from us and the kids. Lol

When he says it should be something you all want to do, what he means is it should be something he wants to do.

As it's a family holiday book something you ALL want to do.

As separate holidays are a regular thing anyway, pick the cruise for next time you go without him.

Personally I would be irritated that he is ruling out something the rest of the family would like to try when he hasn't actually tried it himself. Fair enough if he has been on one and hated it or has another big issue where he feels he couldn't enjoy it e.g. Extreme sea sickness or something.

We tried our first cruise last summer and all loved it, the kids say it was their favourite ever holiday and are desperate to go back on another one.

To be fair that’s a pretty reasonable suggestion, I was pretty focussed on this year but I could do next year

I did a lot of things with my children when they were very young until older teens , including beach holidays , centre parks and theme parks with hotel stays. All without my husband. He wouldn’t entertain those types of breaks and happily waved us off from the doorstep every time . I’ve got fantastic memories of these simple vacations , ice cream in PJs running down sand dunes, playing silly games at night . I wouldn’t have any of those if I had waited for him to join us .

Unfortunately , I became so used to doing things by myself we are divorced now.

Haha yes. But then he likes sort of luxe hotels in fancy spots in the world which is hardly torture for the rest of us 🙃

but i WOULD like to try a proper family organised fun type cruise (or disney actually… which he also thinks is tacky) before kids too big. As the fancy hotels thing we can always do

Hmm, well normally I'm a fan of finding a holiday which has something for everyone but I'd have though a cruise could achieve that.

Equally, my DH isn't up for Butlins so I've taken dc there alone and had a fantastic time. But we've always had a family holiday too.

I think a compromise must be possible. Like the pp suggestion of family holiday in October and cruise without him another time. Or a cruise that stops off somewhere he really wants to visit. Or Greek Island hopping. Etc.

That’s a lovely suggestion. He’d like island hopping, hadn’t thought of it x

This is when AIBU really so helpful - loads of really good ideas I hadn’t really thought of as so stuck in either his way or mine!

I can't think of anything worse than a cruise, even Butlins you can walk out of.
I really don't think they cater for everyone, just people who like that type of holiday.

OP in your DHs shoes I really wouldn't want to go, I could probably grit my teeth and do it but would see it as a huge waste of money (for me not others who wanted to go), I would be very open to DH taking DS though as long as it wasn't the only family holiday that year. That seems reasonable

Oh for goodness sake can't your H come off his high horse for once and just do it.
DS loved Butlins so we went to Butlins. I wasnt keen but if you make an effort to have fun you will have fun.

Just go without him
I’ve taken my 2 camping when they were small because that was wife’s idea of hell

Ah sadly he’s just not that kind of person. If he does something he doesn’t want to especially if he thinks it’s a waste of money he’ll just spend the whole time on edge being annoyed by everything. It’s very annoying but that’s how he is. And i’d rather focus on enjoying the silliness with the kids rather than trying to make it up to him that he’d been dragged on a holiday he didn’t fancy 🙄