Can’t sleep even when baby is sleeping.

[Tugsfh]

I have a 1 year old. She is still BF at night. I’m sleep deprived most of the time.
When she wakes a lot I will savour every ounce of sleep and go back to sleep after feeding. When she only wakes once or twice I will wake up and not be able to sleep like today.
I struggled to get to sleep and laid in bed for hours. Past 2am I went to sleep. Woke up twice to feed then woke up fully at 4.30. Been awake ever since.
My sleep has been messed up since she was born. If she sleeps well my body will just be awake. I can’t nap during the day I have other children.
How long can u go in like this before I go crazy for real?
I could tell my dh, she woke me 10 times yesterday or I only had 2 hours sleep and will say wow but because I appear to coping I don’t think he gives a shit it realises the severity.
Where is the crashing point, because I feel like I will get some rest if I collapse and get taken seriously?

My spelling is messed up. Sorry.

No advice just solidarity. Exactly the same situation here. Only one wake up tonight but I didn’t sleep until 12.30 and now I’ve been up since she woke at 4. I have to be up again in an hour.

What do you want your DH to do? If you want to breastfeed the little one back to sleep, I'm not sure what you want your partner to do? If he's not doing all he can to help you get rest then 'you have a DH problem' not a sleep problem, as MN says. If it's not him causing an issue then yes it's tiring but I guess only other option is to night wean so you can share the wake ups with DH

You need to talk properly to your DH and come up with a plan. If you are doing all night wakeups then he needs to take the kids in the morning and for a chunk of time on the weekend so you can nap.

Talk to him and explain you are at breaking point and need more help

if he doesn’t understand you have a DH problem

A one year old should be sleeping through the night. Is she hungry or is she just wanting comfort?

What is she eating solids wise and what does she have before bed?

I'd be trying to wean her off the breast completely myself - but I never did enjoy breastfeeding!

Probably not the solution you want to hear but I stopped breastfeeding all together just over 11 months because the nights were sending me batty. Within a fortnight he'd slept through for the first time and now, a month on does so most nights. I hope you find a solution that suits you all.

I sympathise, my 3 and a half year old has only recently stopped and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.

Sleep deprivation hits hard. Decide what needs to be done to get sleep. Do you want to stop breastfeeding or not? If you do, get your husband to put the baby to bed for a week so you aren't available. Book a night or 2 in a hotel if you can to get the process started.

If you want to continue breastfeeding how can you and your husband make time for you to rest? Can he do more at weekends, mornings, evenings, can you hire a nanny short term to give you a break?

Don't get to the point that I did last year where I burnt out and ended up in hospital. My DH had been crap at supporting me but then was hit with having to do everything at home for a week while I was in. He's been much better since then because he realises how hard it had been for me and, I suspect, because he doesn't want to get stuck with looking after everything on his own again.

I sympathise, my DD2 nursed 2 hourly day and night till she was 14 months old, then suddenly went cold turkey and stopped.

The 2 hourly was tough but breastfeeding creates a hormone that helps mums go back to sleep. Once she stopped my body really struggled with the dump and I couldn't sleep more than an hour or two for weeks!! I had 2 other children so couldn't nap.

My advice, wean your child off the breast. It'll take a few weeks for you to adjust but you'll soon be back to sleeping. Breastfeeding hormones do funny things, yours are gonna be up and down when your baby sleeps more than usual.

I sympathise. I could never go back to sleep/ sleep in the day when DD was a baby and sleep deprivation was so hard. At times I was hallucinating it was so bad. It only got better when I stopped breastfeeding at night and we had a difficult but necessary week or so where DP got up every night and settled her until she got the message

No real advice, but showing solidarity too! I was in a similar situation when DD was smaller - her sleep was horrendous for a long time and I ended up with really bad insomnia, so even when her sleep settled I’d still be awake all night! My DH was similar to yours and didn’t really seem bothered because I was ‘coping’ (because I had no choice!).

If you’re happy to continue breastfeeding you don’t need to stop - I ended up having a bit of a breakdown from lack of sleep and DH finally agreed to start helping at night. It was really hard at first as DD would just cry, but eventually she got used to both of us resettling at night, and was happy to only be fed if it was me. DH also started giving me big lie ins in the morning when he was off work which helped, as I only seemed to be able to sleep properly past 5am. I appreciate this must be tricky though with other DC! I also started giving him the baby monitor some nights as I think having it right next to me meant every time I woke up I’d check it, which woke my brain up more.

Things did get better eventually, DD started sleeping through at around 18 months, and I think a few months later my sleep started to get better too.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, weigh up if the baby needs BF at night, or if your mental clarity is more useful for you all.
At some point it becomes a crisis or your health suffers. Then you all suffer. Not everyone is the same, listen to yourself, only you know what you need.
A night or two away from home to sleep is not a big crime.

1 or 2 wake-ups is biologically normal and it's fine to want comfort when waking in the night.

They are capable of sleeping through the night

Does your husband get up in the night? I was ready for breakdown with my youngest. She was waking up hourly until she was 4. I lost my shit when she turned about 3. I couldn't continue to do it and wasn't functioning probably. I was having accidents because I was so tired. Tell your husband what support you neec and hold him to it. If he can't wake up hecause he doesn't hear the baby then he needs to find a way. You can't use that excuse. I basically told mine I was going to very unwell and in hospital I'd he didn't pull his weigh. Realistically, I just needed 4 hours unbroken sleep in a night.

I understand what you are saying, but when does comfort become disruption in turn becoming detrimentally tiring?

I agree, I was too rigid with my initial post. It was worded badly.
Everyone parents differently because ultimately all children are different. As an example, my DD would be in cot next to me, so if she stirred, I could soothe her with my hand or voice. No method is either right or wrong, and ultimately if op wants to soothe by feeding, that's fine. She just sounds so tired bless her.
Sorry @Tugsfh i feel like I'm talking about you behind your back!

There is a middle way! You don't have to nightwean entirely (though of course, do if you want to)

I would suggest getting your OH to put the baby to bed (ie not feed to sleep at the beginning of the night) and to do all the wake ups until a certain time that allows you to get a stretch of, say 6 hours in one go (you may need to go to bed early for a few nights to fit the 6 hours in) and then you take over. Keep your LO really close until about 30 mins before you want her to go to sleep, offer her as much breastfeeding as she wants before you hand her to DH for PJs/bedtime. It may be hard for him to settle her at first but they will both learn.
I'd suggest you go to bed as soon as possible after you hand her over to get your stretch of sleep.

Your body clock is used to waking for her as much as hers is used to waking for you

Hi, thank you for the replies. My lo bucks the covers off her and then cries and wakes that she is cold or if you try to put the covers back on her, whilst she is still asleep, she will kick them off then wake up. I then feed her and she goes back to sleep.

I’ve tried sleeping bags but she will still try to buck it off and cry.

She’s really good during the day, eats well, plays well. But it’s just the night time waking. When she was 8 weeks old she slept through the night in her Moses basket and then the 4 month sleep regression came and never left.
I was looking to go back to work PT next month but I don’t know how if she is doing this.

I want to feed her until she is 2 but wean her off nights. I just don’t see how.

I’ve tried sleeping bags but she will still try to buck it off and cry. but at least she wouldn't be cold.

Flapping their legs up and down is something they do to settle themselves.

You can't wean a baby without soem crying but you can be there with them the whole time cuddling so they're not crying alone