A family member and their spouse have never really gone out of their way for us. When we visited them last year, they suggested hotels rather than inviting us to stay. When we rented a place with them and other relatives, everyone contributed equally—there was no effort to host us, not even one cooked meal. They’ve come to us before and cooked for them, and taken them out for lunches.
Over the years, they’ve never looked after our DC, not even for an hour. They sometimes send birthday gifts but didn’t this year, whereas we always send theirs. When we visited, we brought them gifts, and what did we get in return? A load of skincare products they got for free from somewhere random!
Totally fine as we (I) had no desire to see them more than once a year anyway.
Now the issue - their teenage DC is moving to another part of the country for school that is closer to us, and they’ve asked if we can take them in for a day or two during the holidays. There’s also an implication that this will become a recurring request. One parent doesn’t work, while I juggle multiple jobs, housework, and childcare, yet I wasn’t even mentioned in the request—it was directed at my partner as if our household would just accommodate it.
We know that if they wanted to visit their DC it would take them an entire day of travel, but we can’t help feeling that the expectation has simply been placed on us. I’m struggling with how to feel about this given their history of not reciprocating or making much effort for us.
What would you do in this situation?