Feeling conflicted, ending a friendship

[Soupra]

Details changed as outing.

So DS (6) has a friend (F) who he has known since babyhood and adores, and when the two of them are together, they are lovely together and inseparable. I really appreciate this, as DS is quite quirky (he is dyslexic and probably has ADHD) so making friends is hard for him.

Whenever F comes to play, his mum (B) comes with him. B mostly spends the duration of the playdate gossiping and complaining about minor things that other mums or their kids have done (I.e: if someone else's child has experienced some minor misfortune, i.e: vomited or soiled themselves, she laughs about it, or if another mother has experienced some form of good fortune that she is jealous of, she complains that it's not fair...etc). I nod along without commenting and then change the subject, but she never gets the hint.

When the boys became friends, she didn't openly gossip to me, and we talked about our personal lives, and I told her private things about myself that I wouldn't have had I known she was a gossip (i.e: about my brother being a drug addict, and my catching an STD from an ex). A different friend with older children, C, tells me that B has been telling people my personal business. This makes sense, as suddenly other mums who I don't really know, but who B talks to, seem to actively stay away from me and DS, and give us dirty looks when we pass them.

It's hard, as neither boy really has any other friends outside of school, and B is always reaching out for my DS to play with her DS, and the boys adore each other.

Aibu to stop seeing B? As B insists on always coming to visit with F, this would mean that DS would have to stop seeing F as well. They don't go to the same primary school or clubs, so that would be the end of their friendship, which I would feel bad about.

YANBU- stop seeing F and B, thereby ending the only friendship DS has outside of school

YABU- suck it up and keep seeing F and B so your son can still see his friend

Yeah, I don’t think it’s fair to your son. Just keep your interactions minimal. You don’t have to socialise with her or share any further private details. I would do this for my child.

Tough one.
I would probably carry on for the sake of your DC. But perhaps try a little harder to change subjects maybe? Start shutting down gossip with polite but firm response and move on to something else. Obviously do not tell her anything else about you.

Is there any way to change the dynamic? Would she behave this way if a mutual friend joined you? I have a friend who is very moany and bitchy but usually reigns it in if someone else is hanging out with us.

Is there something you could do with this woman that would stifle conversation?! Like playing a card game or something similar?

@Errors she seems very interested in who I am friends with and any child DS shows an interest in playing with. I get the impression that she wants us to only mix with her and her DS. I think this might be why she gissiped about my personal business, as I had some fledgling friendships with some other mums locally that I stupidly told her about, so I would worry about her sabotaging my other friendships if I introduced my other friends to her.

Can you not just engineer it so that she drops her son off? Or if she invites your son to play reply ‘great I’ll drop him off at 1’ so she gets the hint you’re not staying. Then you don’t have to chat to her.
Make an excuse ‘oh I’ve got a tonne of housework to get on with while the boys are playing so won’t be able to sit and chat, you can just drop him off if you’d prefer so you’re not sitting on your own’
If she stays busy yourself with housework and leave her in your lounge

@Gymmum82 I wouldn't be comfortable dropping DS off at hers, given the way she seems to enjoys gossiping about when something bad or embarrassing happens to other people's children. I get the impression that she doesn't like DS as a person and finds him annoying, but encourages the boys to play together as her son doesn't have other friends to play with outside of school either

could you explain that you value the friendship between the kids but you are hurt she spilled your personal info? If other Mums have dropped you because of what she said then that’s on them. I wouldn’t shut down a friendship with someone based on gossip.

@Shinytaps she's quite sensitive, anytime someone disagrees with her or tells her no she gossips about it, so I think talking to her about it would just add fuel to the fire

Just don't share personal information with her and change the subject to something more positive if she starts gossiping.
She probably gossips because she thinks on some level, you are interested.
You are coming across as quite averse to any conflict with her, so how do you intend to back away from this 'friendship' anyway?

@Byebyechicken I am happy to talk to people when that will produce a positive change, but I know this lady, and she will just get offended and defensive.