DS’s friend’s brother making weird comments

[ChirpyUmberMoose]

My 11 year old DS regularly goes and plays at his friend’s house across the road where the friend lives with his brother, 19, and parents. DS has told me that the brother keeps complimenting him on his looks but also making weird comments about him. At first it was just saying how handsome he is and how strong he looks. After that it was him asking DS if he thinks he could overpower him in a fight. He kept asking to wrestle with DS last Monday to which DS said no. He said he would be terrified of DS if he was angry with him. Yesterday he was asking DS if he could feel his muscles to which DS also said no. I have now said DS is not to go round their house again and if he wants to be round his friend he can come to our house instead.

Should I go over and have a word with the mum about the comments or just leave it? DS wants me just to leave it but I want it known that I don’t like the fact that the older boy was asking to touch DS. I don’t think I’m overreacting at all either but DH thinks I am!

YANBU to say DS can’t go over there, but YWBU to speak to the parents.

I think the approach of having the friend over to your house is the best one. I wouldn’t speak to his friend’s parents. Nothing positive is going to come from a chat where it comes across that you’re accusing their older son of having an inappropriate interest in small boys on the back of what the older son will say - possibly entirely truthfully - was just him messing about and joking laddishly, and your DS is more likely to lose his friend for good as a result of the parents being offended and not wanting their DS to have anything more to do with you and your DS.

Sounds like he’s either got special needs or he’s trying to groom him! Either way I wouldn’t be letting him go again I would however tell him how I proud I am of him for sharing this information with you, you’ve got a switched on kid there.

What @beautyqueeen said...your son rejected every weird suggestion in the moment- wasn't afraid to do so - and then told you...well done him and you.

First of all it’s great your son felt self assured enough to shut him down in the moment and came to tell you after. That’s great and you should tell him how proud you are of him. You should also be proud of yourself for creating a safe environment.

I don’t think you should tell the parents, but also I would be really worried for the other boy. Definitely invite him over to your house and don’t let your son go over there.

No, don't talk to the parents. You'll open a can of worm that you won't be able to shut and it could turn very nasty. Invite the friend to yours going forward.

In an ideal world you could chat to your son in front of his friend about bodily autonomy and the need to tell a trusted adult etc etc, I did think about the friend, and I hope nothing is happening to him?

If he is 19 I’m pretty sure his parents know about his odd ways.

A

Really? Parents would know if their child was a potential groomer?

Imagine if op’s ds was a girl and a 19 year old was telling her how pretty she was, they should wrestle and could he touch her arms. You’d all be calling the lad names.

@ChirpyUmberMoose I think you need to keep your ds out of their house but if you did decide to say anything then approach the 19 year old directly, he’s not a dc.

Keep your DS away from him COCSA between boys isn't uncommon as my DS sadly learned. Praise him for telling you and keeping himself safe. It's great that he listened to his gut and refused it all.
My DS was abused by my neighbour/best friend at the times son and there was only a 3 year age gape. It's not worth the risk.
Just keep DF coming to yours and maybe keep an eye on the DF too as DS abuser was also abusing his much, much younger brother.