Lack of common ground after 20 years

[Alwayswriting]

I'm working towards a PhD. Very stressful job. Husband is in construction, has never read a book or had a job interview in 20 years and I have never really noticed. We've been together over 20 years, but it's getting harder to meet each other's understanding.
There’s a lot of misogynistic behaviour where I work, and I tried to discuss the links when watching the adolescent TV programme, but he doesn't get it, ( think I am saying here we lack common ground). He spends all his free time at the gym while I'm studying.
I'm the biggest earner, and we've had a difficult 20 years as he's been unreliable with jobs, always chasing a pipe dream — to the point we've gone bankrupt more than once. I have the only pension.
I'm in my menopause and see more now and wonder if just because there is kindness and love there is that not enough. Or is it my complete lack of patience at present. I suppose when I'm reading this back I'm lonely.

You’re not being in the least unreasonable. Kindness and habit isn’t going to make up for lack of intellectual curiosity and the fact that he’s allowed you to take the burden of his unreliability in jobs for two decades.

I suppose I know that really, but thinking this way makes me sad for the younger me wasting all that time struggling and marching on. He is not mean but can never see the whole picture or the complete burden of being the responsible parent. He just isn't capable of it.

Did you marry him young?

I think that you've grown up, op. Nothing unreasonable about it. Focus on yourself and moving on from this marriage. It's not unkind to put yourself first.

I suspect your family/those around you will breathe a sigh of relief 🥺 xx

Family not supportive of education and stressful job for a woman ( okay for sons though). So it's a no there. But young when fell pregnant and there is a big age difference between hubby and I. Hit nail on the head

Sounds like it's over to me. I had a similar husband and was glad when he left in my 50s.