Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I bu regarding my mum’s attitude

11 replies

iCantStopppEatinggg · 29/03/2025 10:12

Before I spiral I just want a reality check on a very minor issue but my overthinking will wreck my day:

I hired a workman to fix something in my home. I’ve used before he’s good but this time he said his policy has changed and he requires payment before job (I know I was a mug!) I paid as I’ve used before and he’s a decent guy. It’s £70 but still a lot for me. He’s cancelled 5 times with many excuses. Today was suppose to come but messaged me he’s left his drill at work. I messaged back he either refunds me the money today or he can use our tools instead. He reluctantly agreed to come and use our tools. Unknown to me the tool he needs (my husbands drill) to use hasn’t been working so I quickly messaged on my streets WhatsApp if anyone could lend us the tool. A very kind man said we can use but we need to collect now as he’s going to work. I was still not dressed and had to get kids ready and feed them so asked DH to get from him. DH refused as he feels awkward going around. I just put clothes on and went to collect whilst my kids were crying for breakfast which he ignored and continued watching tv and on his laptop.

my mum called and I told her I’m upset with the whole situation but her reaction was I should not be upset with DH for not collecting it and he’s busy so I should be more understanding! I know my anger is misplaced but she’s been like this all my life always dismissing my feelings and making me feel I’m the one in the wrong.

if it was my sisters she would always take their side. I know she didn’t want me ad I’m the youngest girl and she wanted a boy. All of this she denies but I know. Aibu for wanting my mum to understand my frustration with DH? Am I also wrong for wanting him to go around even though he feels awkward? I felt awkward and I’m embarrassed as their home is so lovely and I turned up with messy hair and dressed like a homeless person!

OP posts:
iCantStopppEatinggg · 29/03/2025 10:16

Sorry for all the typos!!

OP posts:
FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 29/03/2025 10:16

Okay... He feels awkward going around.

What is his excuse for not stepping in to care and sort out HIS children... Or does he feel awkward around them too?

Your mum sounds like she invalidates you, but the bigger issue is DH.

colourblockss · 29/03/2025 10:24

I just want to add that i know exactly how you feel in regards to your mum..my mum does the same and always takes my husbands side over mine. he can do no wrong and it’s pushed me away from her. some mums are strange. you are totally in the right and you’re not being unreasonable at all. i would stop telling your mum things as she doesn’t care anyway and your husband sounds a bit lazy also the same as mine lol

iCantStopppEatinggg · 29/03/2025 10:30

I haven’t actually spoken to my mum for a while due to her attitude I picked up phone today as I was upset. DH did try to get them breakfast but the kids cried that he doesn’t do it like I do lol! They only want me to get their breakfast so they had to wait. I wish I had a nicer mum. I see all these lovely grandmas when I pick up the kids and I wish I had a mum who was unconditionally on my side.

OP posts:
colourblockss · 29/03/2025 10:32

yeah i understand what you mean..what is your dad like? are you close?

myplace · 29/03/2025 10:35

You have a husband problem AND a mum problem. I know how you feel.

I’m peed off with my lot at the moment, as no one- no one- puts me first.

It really sucks and I’m reevaluating my life.

My advice- reduce contact with your mum. It will never improve, the sooner you stop hoping it will, the better.
Start being demanding at home. Demand he make an effort for your birthday, date night, his kids, Mothering Sunday… He may shape up.

If he doesn’t, get rid. It’s easier to be alone than to feel alone with someone there. You’ll forever be considerate towards him, and he’ll never return the favour.

iCantStopppEatinggg · 29/03/2025 10:35

Not really he’s very absent he’s always been a little out of touch. I think there might be some neurodivergence but in those days no one really checked it out. I can’t ever have a conversation with him as he only talks about things that he finds interesting

OP posts:
iCantStopppEatinggg · 29/03/2025 10:37

@myplace tha k you. Sorry my comment above was in response to @colourblockss when she asked about my dad and my relationship

OP posts:
iCantStopppEatinggg · 29/03/2025 10:38

Does anyone know how I could get my money back if the guy doesn’t turn up again today?

OP posts:
FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 29/03/2025 10:41

iCantStopppEatinggg · 29/03/2025 10:38

Does anyone know how I could get my money back if the guy doesn’t turn up again today?

Say you will have no choice but to share your concerns about his ethics with the local community if he doesn't come. You understand he is busy but you want to ensure this concludes with everyone being happy and satisfied.

That usually gets them around pronto.

iCantStopppEatinggg · 29/03/2025 11:02

@FeministUnderTheCatriarchy thank you. That’s a really good idea.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread